Day 23 Is there a part of the treatment I am avoiding?

[Iravati]

A lot of my anxieties are people related. I have worked a lot on expressing these anxieties in my journaling, and once or twice to the people in my life; but overall I still won’t dare express my anger and sadness caused by other people. The people-pleaser/low self esteem in me just won’t let me. Based on the TMS program, I also don’t think it is something I need to do since all the lessons were that it’s not necessary for me to express my angry or sadness to others, rather to allow myself to fully feel and process those emotions. When I fail to do so, I get stuck in loops of an inner monologue with the person I am feeling angry/sad/disappointed at. However, when I can successfully process my feelings, that perpetual monologue stops.

Of course the second part of it is to form healthy attachments and set good boundaries so it is not so easy for me to feel like I am not being treated well by others. That part is trickier and still a work in progress.

Ending on a positive note: I have started working out again and doing basic exercises/sports I love. Usually that triggers my shoulder/neck muscles to stiffen up and I am very tuned into the possibility of a migraine starting up. I am taking it very easy and light. Today was a rare day when I woke up without a sore neck and shoulders. The position of lying down is usually uncomfortable for me (and I have been wondering if that’s also psychological?? Can always waking up sore be psychological???). I wake up feeling sore but today was an exception. This is good news! Especially since I had been to the gym the day before. Apprehensive if this will last but I don’t need to worry about the future and enjoy the now.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

The position of lying down is usually uncomfortable for me (and I have been wondering if that’s also psychological?? Can always waking up sore be psychological???)

I'm not a mental or medical health professional, but based on my own experience and the many years I've observed others here, I feel 99.99% confident in saying, Yes, absolutely, 100%. There's simply no reason to wake up sore other than the brain's need to distract you.

I wake up feeling sore but today was an exception. This is good news! Especially since I had been to the gym the day before. Apprehensive if this will last but I don’t need to worry about the future and enjoy the now.

Okay - that's a start. You started with a negative, and turned it into a positive. Let's see if you can improve on this by reframing that negative that you started with.

Being apprehensive "if this will last" is a form of catastrophizing - this is an anxious anticipation of all of the negative possibilities of What If? Without any proof that the What If is going to happen - and I want to acknowledge that you've already recognized that! The way to reframe this is to understand and accept the fact that there will still be mornings when you wake up feeling sore - AND that this is not a catastrophe by any means. It definitely does NOT mean that "it didn't last" or that you have failed to recover. It just means that you had a bad day, because life is full of bad days, and our stress response will react as it was designed to if we aren't 100% mindful 100% of the time. Which is not possible, right? The key is to have faith that the tools and techniques you're learning will help you reduce the bad days, and turn things around much faster when they occur.

So the apprehension is normal. What you want to achieve is to stop thinking about recovery in terms of absolutes - "apprehensive if this will last" is an absolute, whereas "the pain might happen again, but I'm becoming more confident that it won't last because I have the tools to turn it around" is more open to a range of experiences. And do you see what I did there? I flipped the "it won't last" to apply to the pain, rather than to the pain relief. It makes all the difference.

 

[Ellen]

A lot of my anxieties are people related. I have worked a lot on expressing these anxieties in my journaling, and once or twice to the people in my life; but overall I still won’t dare express my anger and sadness caused by other people. The people-pleaser/low self esteem in me just won’t let me. Based on the TMS program, I also don’t think it is something I need to do since all the lessons were that it’s not necessary for me to express my angry or sadness to others, rather to allow myself to fully feel and process those emotions. When I fail to do so, I get stuck in loops of an inner monologue with the person I am feeling angry/sad/disappointed at. However, when I can successfully process my feelings, that perpetual monologue stops.

Of course the second part of it is to form healthy attachments and set good boundaries so it is not so easy for me to feel like I am not being treated well by others. That part is trickier and still a work in progress.

I can relate a lot to what you wrote. I get stuck in those inner monologues when I have an issue with another person. What I've found helpful to turn it off is to recite the Buddhist Love and Kindness meditation with the person in mind. This meditation goes like this (there are other versions, but I like this one):

May you be filled with love and kindness
May you be safe and protected
May you love and be loved
May you be happy and contented
May your life unfold with ease
May you be healthy and strong

It brings and end to the spell of conflict in a loving way. I'm still working on the second part as well, but I'm better at noticing when a relationship is not working well for me. Like you say, it's a work in progress.

 

[Iravati]

Thank you, both! Life happened and I fell off the TMS wagon, but I had made it half way through the program and felt it was helping a lot. Its been on pause since but I continue to think about and apply the lessons I've learned. I continue to be convinced by both of your framing and guidance. Hoping to pick it back up again now.