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Day 12 Is my pain trying to scare me?

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by sery92, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. sery92

    sery92 New Member

    Hi everyone again.

    In the past 12 days I've been trying to get rid of my chronic vulvar pain practicing the tools given in the forum, the SEP and in TMS Books. I resumed physical activities (slowly and progressively), focused on my emotions (I wrote an 11 pages letter to my boyfriend to share my emotional pain, my doubts and fears) and I also got myself very busy (I am writing a book) and tried not to constantly think and fret about symptoms. However, my pain has significantly increased and somehow changed (I've got more burning in the past week, while it was usually soreness).

    Is my mind trying to scare me and make me go back to the usual coping mechanism (focus on pain, take drugs, rest, etc.)? I am still convinced that my pain stems 100% from psychological issues and this burst of symptoms makes me even more sure because of the incredible timing of this worsening.
    I thought I had faced my emotions and hidden traumas (I written and cried so much in the past few months and even told my bf things of my past I had never shared with anyone)... So what's holding me back from healing? Am I experiencing an extinction burst? Do I need to go over some emotional issues again or is it better to keep ignoring the pain and focusing on living a normal life?

    I'd really appreciate if somebody could give me some suggestions or recall their experiences.
    Allissa RS likes this.
  2. Allissa RS

    Allissa RS New Member

    Hi Sery,
    I've just begun my own journey so I've not got too much of a technical suggestion for you on how go forward from here. But as someone with pelvic discomfort also I hear you. The journey seems deep and lengthy from here but worthwhile, sending you some strength to keep at it. Also what about the meditation aspect of things? It helps me relax my mind alot (although I do alot of mental gymnastics in trying to avoid it! Haha) But it's the goods!
  3. sweetandsimple

    sweetandsimple New Member

    Hi sery. I really relate to you- my pain issues (burning and tingling in the left side of my face) has increased since I started doing my TMS work. I do think its a sort of extinction burst- your brain looking to pull you back to the familiar, cranking up the dial so to speak to take back your attention fully. Im working hard not to allow myself to get sucked back in despite the increase in my symptoms. I think there needs to be an over all shift in our mental health BEFORE the body responds. Despite having worse sensations lately, I DO feel better mentally. Im no longer fearful, my mind is quieter, ive got better focus and pep about life in general, I feel happier... I think my brain may need time to both notice and accept this FIRST before it lets up on the pain signals, and that may take a while. Thats my hope anyway. Keep going!
  4. sweetandsimple

    sweetandsimple New Member

    Also - remember frustration is akin to fear as far as your brain is concerned. Both emotions will stir up your nervous system. Frustration is my current hurdle. we will get there!
  5. sery92

    sery92 New Member

    Thank you both for your support! It actually feels nice knowing that other people are going through this struggle and facing this healing process.

    Alissa... I don't do very well with meditation, maybe I underestimated its importance but you're right, it should help to calm down the nerves so I'll try my best to be more regular with meditation.

    Sweetandsimple... When I first read about tms and the story of a girl who had healed from vulvodinya I suddenly got a strange burning sensation on my... Scalp. I was like "wth, really?!" o_O
    The burning eventually faded in a couple of days and I am 100% sure that it was a kind of temper tantrum of my brain. I am still amazed by the variety of symptoms the mind can create but every time something like this happens it helps to reinforce my belief in tms.
    Tms is real, I am 100% sure and it's quite hard to beat but I think that if we win this battle we will feel much happier than before the symptoms came. I want to believe this came for my own sake and not as a punishment!
    The day will rise again.

    Best wishes for your healing journey!
  6. hopefulformyself123

    hopefulformyself123 New Member

    I really do think it’s your brain is trying to trick you. It knows you are on to it and you’re fighting it..
    This is my story (well brief one anyway, just to let you know you aren’t alone)
    I had a labia pasty operation in 2011 and it started my journey with chronic pain and tms
    I had vulva and pelvic pain ever since and it was horrific
    Just a truly awful time of my life
    I can barely think about it without sobbing even all these years later
    Then I had baby and a few months after the birth it started to go away
    But lo and behold back pain started
    Then I got pregnant with our second baby
    At this point my vulva pain was 90% gone and didn’t bother me daily it was the backpain that left me in bed and having to rest a lot
    Then during pregnancy my hips were awful and once the second baby was born my pubic bone started hurting, really badly
    Back and vulva still much better
    I had physio appointments and spent hundreds
    With no real improvement
    Then I found out about tms and it’s like the biggest lightbulb went off in my head
    Things started getting better
    I started moving again (I had been pretty much disabled from the pubic bone pain)
    I also had pains in my wrists, (have now gone)
    All were put down to hormones and caring for a baby
    Anyway, about 2/3 months into this journey my back and pubic bone pain was starting to go
    It was a miracle
    I was happy
    Life was getting better by the day
    I even wore panties, which I haven’t done since the operation 8 years ago :0
    And then
    Vulva pain is back along with a feeling of swelling
    It’s hard to explain but I can just feel the area all the time
    Whether that’s pain or just a feeling it’s there
    But I DIDNT HAVE IT for sooo long
    Even after giving birth I didn’t ‘feel’ the area
    And well, I’m devastated
    I know it’s tms (well 99%) because part of me is telling myself it’s the increase in activity
    But then after having my first baby I was doing pilates, walking, housework and the pain and sensation wasn’t there
    And I am deffo not doing anything more traumatic down there than giving birth
    So it just doesn’t make sense
    But it’s floored me
    It really has
    I’m scared
    In a dark place again and I feel this mountain is too high for me
    I even thought I wish I hadn’t started this journey but that’s ridiculous because I’m doing stuff that wasn’t even Imaginable a few months ago
    But now my vulva stuff I back and the emotions that go with it
    And my shoulder is agony

    But yeah, I feel ya
    I hear ya

    You’re not alone
    And we can fight this together!
    It’s tms it has to be
    It’s tricking us
    It’s trying to protect us and get us back into bed
    But we have to keep fighting x
  7. sery92

    sery92 New Member

    Hello everyone again.
    I just wanted to ask you how are you doing?

    My pain has remained the way it was last time I wrote. It Still bothers me, but creative writing is helping me not to focus too much on it,even though when I wake up after 3 hours of sitting I always feel quite sore. But I decided I'll keep doing what I love and won't let the pain stop me.

    Concerning the emotional work, I am realizing how many unresolved and Untold issues I have with my boyfriend and I am trying to open up and work on them, both individually and with him.

    At least I've come to accept the fact that, even if the pain doesn't go away, this will help me to be more happy and balanced.

    I am not Journaling everyday, but only when I feel the need to do it, because I am wondering if it's really so beneficial for me to keep thinking over and over about the sadness, the rage and so on. Nonetheless, I discover new details about how broken I am every day.

    But I won't give up. The day will rise again.

    Sending lots of hope to you all
  8. hopefulformyself123

    hopefulformyself123 New Member

    I’m still having the vulva pain, but interestingly for me it keeps moving
    One day urethra, next day vulva next day vagina, so that’s how I know it’s tms
    Because if it was actually tissue damage why would the pain be moving
    Having said that I’m still struggling so I’ve booked a course with a trained tms therapist!
    Because this pain went away I know it can go again but I feel I need some extra help!
    Is that an option for you?
    I am journaling, meditating, positive affirmations, pushing through, reading the books, but there is obviously something I’m missing and I just need that support and guidance!
    I have way more symptoms now that when I started and they are literally pin ponging around my body and it feels like there is a new one every day but I’m kinda seeing that as a good thing, because there’s no way I’ve suffenly hurt my shoulder or knee! So no doubt I have tms just doubting I can heal from it!
    But I start the therapy next week so hopefully in a few months I will be able to write here about my success in healing :)
    I wish you so much happiness and healing x

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