jarditti
Newcomer
Hi all.
I've finally found my way to this TMS forum in a very confusing time of my life. I'm a 30-year-old male from NC who is a naturalist, loves sports, and just started working as a new AI Product Manager. I have been dealing with nerve pain in my elbows and fingers for five years now. After a year or two of pain in 2021 and a Cortizone shot, everything largely went away with more physical activity. What has stayed over the last four years has been persistent neck popping and shoulder agitation that has turned into habitual popping almost every minute of my day. I spent countless hours at PT/acupuncture/massage for both the cubital tunnel originally and subsequently neck and shoulder tension.
In the last few months, and in fact all within a six week period in April/May, I was taking advantage of paternity leave by building an addition to our house with my father-in-law, interviewing for three new jobs within my company, graduating from an MBA program, caring for our four-month-old with my amazing wife, and helping to manage my twin brother's first schizoaffective manic episode. And guess what happened?
Major symptoms of cubital tunnel syndrome came back into my left elbow and fingers. I fought with this pain for three months before getting talked into surgery with a really well respected doctor here in town. Of course, the EMG test indicated positive for cubital tunnel syndromeI (affecting ring and pinky finger). I am actively recovering and am on week two of post-op surgery. Meanwhile, symptoms in the last month or so have started to worsen in my right elbow and fingers. This has resulted in serious depression in a time of my life where I thought I would only be experiencing pure joy of having a now eight-month-old beautiful baby girl.
I started to read Dr. Sarno's MindBody Prescription last month but decided, as I had my surgery scheduled, that it would be unproductive and confusing for me to continue reading this book. However, the evidence of my personality and also the stresses in my life are overwhelmingly indicating in a MindBody issue.
Evidence
- The first thing I do when I wake up is scan my body for pain. Typically I start with none but within the first few minutes it's there.
- I was very eager too talk openly about all the stress that I had in the last few months to many people but have not yet acknowledged the underlying emotions
- I'm starting to notice that I live in constant fear and am unable to divert the fear effectively. blissful moments of holding my daughter, hanging out with my friends, watching sports with my wife, surrounding myself in nature, are all constantly tainted by fearful thoughts this pain is going to last and I will not be able to do the things I want to do in the future.
- I recall certain annual weekends of the year every, for example, a family reunion, that I've noticed I have anxiety or fear that I won't be in good physical condition leading up to that weekend. A few months ago, it was this weekend where my symptoms started to become most acute.
- I am a serious extrovert and extremely Type A. Letting people down is one of the worst feelings in the world for me. I'm constantly pushing for more and more connections but ultimately trying to feed off the validation of others.
- I'm noticing how hard I am on myself and I believe my self-esteem is relatively low even though I try not to come off that way.
I've noted the mental confusion that I'm starting to experience. Obviously the surgery has happened so at this point I need to be optimistic and patient and positive about the outcome on my left arm. But everything I've read here indicates that this pain could come up elsewhere and I'm starting to see that in my right arm and as well as in the continuation of pain in my neck and shoulder.
I started the educational program day one this morning and this is my introductory post to try and be as vulnerable as possible and also seek help and input from those of you in the community who have experienced some challenges in the past. Any comments, words of support, and specifically methodologies that you all have employed to manage and respond to the constant fear of the pain that is in your head would be extremely helpful. I really appreciate your attention to this post!
Best,
Will
I've finally found my way to this TMS forum in a very confusing time of my life. I'm a 30-year-old male from NC who is a naturalist, loves sports, and just started working as a new AI Product Manager. I have been dealing with nerve pain in my elbows and fingers for five years now. After a year or two of pain in 2021 and a Cortizone shot, everything largely went away with more physical activity. What has stayed over the last four years has been persistent neck popping and shoulder agitation that has turned into habitual popping almost every minute of my day. I spent countless hours at PT/acupuncture/massage for both the cubital tunnel originally and subsequently neck and shoulder tension.
In the last few months, and in fact all within a six week period in April/May, I was taking advantage of paternity leave by building an addition to our house with my father-in-law, interviewing for three new jobs within my company, graduating from an MBA program, caring for our four-month-old with my amazing wife, and helping to manage my twin brother's first schizoaffective manic episode. And guess what happened?
Major symptoms of cubital tunnel syndrome came back into my left elbow and fingers. I fought with this pain for three months before getting talked into surgery with a really well respected doctor here in town. Of course, the EMG test indicated positive for cubital tunnel syndromeI (affecting ring and pinky finger). I am actively recovering and am on week two of post-op surgery. Meanwhile, symptoms in the last month or so have started to worsen in my right elbow and fingers. This has resulted in serious depression in a time of my life where I thought I would only be experiencing pure joy of having a now eight-month-old beautiful baby girl.
I started to read Dr. Sarno's MindBody Prescription last month but decided, as I had my surgery scheduled, that it would be unproductive and confusing for me to continue reading this book. However, the evidence of my personality and also the stresses in my life are overwhelmingly indicating in a MindBody issue.
Evidence
- The first thing I do when I wake up is scan my body for pain. Typically I start with none but within the first few minutes it's there.
- I was very eager too talk openly about all the stress that I had in the last few months to many people but have not yet acknowledged the underlying emotions
- I'm starting to notice that I live in constant fear and am unable to divert the fear effectively. blissful moments of holding my daughter, hanging out with my friends, watching sports with my wife, surrounding myself in nature, are all constantly tainted by fearful thoughts this pain is going to last and I will not be able to do the things I want to do in the future.
- I recall certain annual weekends of the year every, for example, a family reunion, that I've noticed I have anxiety or fear that I won't be in good physical condition leading up to that weekend. A few months ago, it was this weekend where my symptoms started to become most acute.
- I am a serious extrovert and extremely Type A. Letting people down is one of the worst feelings in the world for me. I'm constantly pushing for more and more connections but ultimately trying to feed off the validation of others.
- I'm noticing how hard I am on myself and I believe my self-esteem is relatively low even though I try not to come off that way.
I've noted the mental confusion that I'm starting to experience. Obviously the surgery has happened so at this point I need to be optimistic and patient and positive about the outcome on my left arm. But everything I've read here indicates that this pain could come up elsewhere and I'm starting to see that in my right arm and as well as in the continuation of pain in my neck and shoulder.
I started the educational program day one this morning and this is my introductory post to try and be as vulnerable as possible and also seek help and input from those of you in the community who have experienced some challenges in the past. Any comments, words of support, and specifically methodologies that you all have employed to manage and respond to the constant fear of the pain that is in your head would be extremely helpful. I really appreciate your attention to this post!
Best,
Will
