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Introduction - 1 year into sarno; heading into triggers

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by elelsnow, May 27, 2013.

  1. elelsnow

    elelsnow New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    I was very excited to see this forum. I read Healing Back Pain about a year ago just after I took a MBSR class. To be honest I read it to be able to fight with the folks who were telling me to read "the book that says its in your head"!!! What a terrible way to explain it. Especially since I was 12 years, 2 discectomies, and 3 herniated discs into pain. But by the end of the first chapter I was overcome by disbelief, joy, and yea, some anger, sadness and embarrassment about the root of my pain. This past year has been eye-opening as I try to discern types of pain and their causes. Did I work out too hard at the gym? Or did I pull something at the gym bc of something unexpressed.
    I've loved the high of feeling in control of my pain, and hated the lows of seriously challenging what needs medical attention.

    At times I feel exhausted trying to figure it out. I will have pain and think "oh come on! I wasn't thinking anything. Honest!" since reading the book, I've never had episodes as bad as they used to be - the kind where I stay home from work. however, I do have reoccurrences that are frustrating. for example, last weekend I went home. the entire family was coming into town and my sister was also starting wedding planning and my role is to play the tap-dancing buffer. Heading into it, I knew this would be heavy trigger territory. I was highly conscious of this- stayed in a hotel to get some respite, did my best belly breathing in the moment, meditated, etc. but still the Monday after I felt a pull during my workout. And afterwards was almost paralyzed. No amount of heat or ice would help. I thought it was my psoas, but after getting a , massage, I knew for sure it was definitely TMS. All week I've had pinching nerve pain on my lower left back. Kills when I sneeze - classic signs of my herniated disc. It will even start first thing in the AM, when I feel like my subconscious cant be that active yet! So frustrating.

    So, this has turned from an introduction to a plea for help.

    Looking forward to learning from you all.
  2. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Check out the Structured Education Program on this site. It really changed my life. You are doing very well. I know you don't feel like it but your progress is great. The SEP will give you some more tools to understand yourself and manage your pain.

    You will find it an amazing journey. So glad you have found us.
  3. Leslie

    Leslie Well known member

    I have experienced (truthfully, AM experiencing) this exhaustion and frustration trying to "figure it out". It's been going on for over a week for me. I thought it was stress due to a conversation I was "gearing up for". I viewed it as confrontational (and that's the last thing I ever am) since it was going to be me standing up for myself and my best interests. I had the conversation, the person actually completely understood where I was coming from and said my request was "fair", and yet the symptoms got worse. So, for almost a week now I've been trying to figure it out, thinking it might be "the calm after the storm" symptoms, or hormones, or something completely unrelated being missed by the radar. I had no idea, that is, until I started typing this reply to you. And then it hit me...the symptoms are still making themselves known (being perpetuated by the exhaustion and frustration) BECAUSE I'm "trying to figure it out". Hyper-analytical me didn't just "recognize" the symptom increase, accept it as present and move on to something else. Nope, immediately following "recognize" symptom increase, analytical me jumped right into "figure it out". Have to get to the bottom of it. I got so focused on "why" the symptoms were doing what they were doing, I completely missed the answer......they're doing what they're doing because it's STILL working! As long as I'm wondering "why", that's where my focus is. Thank you for posting this! Perhaps we can learn from each other!!!
  4. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    I think this is so true. Does it matter why they're there? Not really. The more important thing, I think, is just accept them, accept your emotions, and move on. The more you accept your symptoms, the more you stop fearing them, and the sooner they fade.
  5. Leslie

    Leslie Well known member

    I agree Gail! I could actually feel the tension leaving the muscles as I was typing my post yesterday. It was here because it was working. And me, spending all that time and energy looking for clues, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together so I could tell myself "why" was keeping me everywhere but present and accepting. When they're here, they are here because they are. It's funny how fixated we can become with "why". I think we're trained from a very early age that "why" requires a detailed explanation. Just the other day I was having a conversation with a young child that went something like this: Me: "why did you do that?" child: "because" Me: "because why?" child: "because" Me: "because is not a reason, it's just a word" child: "I did it because I did it". There I was trying to teach the child something, and all the while the lesson to be learned from the conversation was actually mine. "Because" can be the only reason required.
    intense50 likes this.
  6. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    Ha! Yes. I have always believed it's better to be analytical than not. This experience is teaching me otherwise.
    Leslie likes this.

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