Interesting insights into TMS - getting to the end of the program

[Eddie]

Hi Everyone

Heres an update about my journey so far and my progress/ gained insights into TMS.

I'm slowly but surely reducing my pain levels and overcoming my TMS. I have my good and bad days and slowly the good are starting to outweigh the bad! Following the program has been invaluable to my recovery as well as the support from the forum members.

Heres a little interesting story...

I recently signed up to my local triathlon club to start fully getting back into becoming a triathlete! I used to do it when I was a kid and absolutely loved it. My parents made me stop due to the safety aspect of cycling with cars on the road etc and that really did make me angry. At about the same time they ended up splitting up and stuff got pretty messy with my family. At this exact time I randomly started getting HAYFEVER.

This slowly developed as I was living with my dad and then my parents randomly decided to get back together and move away to a new city. I was only about 12 or 13 at the time and my life had been literally turned upside down. I was also bullied at school because my parents split up. I started a new school and was very anxious and scared. I was also very angry at my parents and developed a real hatred for them, something I have never really gotten over.

I started making friends with the 'cool' kids at my school and was desperate for their approval. One day I was playing basketball and all of us were trying 3 pointers. I remember randomly getting really bad combination of hayfever and ashma, what was later described as an anaphaltic attack. I stopped breathing and an ambulance was called and luckily I was ok. I went to see Doctor's and allergy Doctors (forgot their name). Nothing substantial showed up and I wasn't diagnosed with anything in particular.

Back to my triathlete ambitions- I just did a 400m swim and then 2km run all relatively pain free but afterwards I started to develop another combination of ashma and hayfever! I'm convinced it's TMS and really taken back by how hard TMS will try to distract you from your emotions. I have definitely suffered from TMS ever since I began pubity. I have ALWAYS suppressed my emotions- to the point where I have cried twice in the past 3 years. I am extremely good at suppressing them obviously!

Anyway just thought I'd blurb a bit. Thanks for reading- sorry my writing isn't too fluid. I hope to improve on that soon.

Thanks and Good luck wherever you are on the TMS journey.

Eddie

 

[Stella]

Hi Eddie,
What a wonderful summary. You have really gotten some great insights. And you don't have to be a perfectionist in writing.

When I was 9 my Father told me "your Mom and I are talking about getting divorced." Shortly after that I developed hayfever which i had the rest of my life. It is gone now. I, too, have had asthma problems ... also gone.

Sandy

 

[yb44]

Hi Eddie

Great to hear about your progress. It does sound like you are joining some of the dots, as they say. It took me a while to accept that allergies such as hayfever can be the result of repressed anger. It is quite useful to consider what emotions may have been stirred up during major life events and link them to any symptoms that started during this time period. I went to a TMS professional a while back and I was asked to list my symptoms, past and present along with any events happening in my life at that time. For every symptom - and there were plenty I could list - there was at least one trigger event.

I was thinking about your parents preventing you from riding your bike because of fears they had for your safety. My parents were risk averse and I believe encouraged me to fear and have doubt. Fear and doubt. The very things that keep us stuck in pain or perpetuate other symptoms.

My hayfever began one summer when I was sent to overnight camp. I missed my friends and wasn't too happy. The other campers seemed so much more well-adjusted. They used to get care packages full of treats each week and I was envious because it would never cross my parents' minds to be so thoughtful. I loved being with the horses at camp but every time I went near the stables I would experience hayfever attacks. I eventually did get a care package from home. When my mother found out about the hayfever, she sent me a parcel containing anti-histamine tablets!

 

[BruceMC]

At about the same time they ended up splitting up and stuff got pretty messy with my family. At this exact time I randomly started getting HAYFEVER.

You really shouldn't worry about your writing style, you certainly seem prescient about your own psychology and are making connections I certainly never did when I was your age. Wish I had! But you comment about the origins of your allergy sounds like it shares certain rough similarities to my own experience. It was at about the same time that my parents first split up when I was 7 that I started developing allergies, hives and asthma. After one of their endless fights - I suspect it was over the death of the family dog - that my mother dragged me off in the night on a Greyhound bus from San Francisco to Seattle. Doing this TMS "work" on this Forum reminded me of the incident and how it was followed immediately afterwards with my starting to develop asthma. The clue was accessing my feelings of utter abandonment when I was separated from my mother at the bus station in Seattle. Abandonment and isolation are things we all fear, but especially fear the most when we are children and most dependent on our parents.

With the level of awareness and mindfulness you've achieved so far in the program, I bet you'll wind up beating your TMS symptoms.

MorComm

 

[Eddie]

Hi everyone

Thanks for the posts!

Things are slowly falling into place and I'm learning a lot!

Thanks for the support.

Eddie