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Day 1 Intense TMS Sciatica Pain

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by danny1943, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    This pain began with a benign hatha yoga posture which I have been doing for many years. I had read Dr. Sarno's books and knew immediately the pain experienced could not have been caused by doing this posture. And the pain is the most intense and debilitating I have ever experienced and I'm 72 years old. It happened 10 days ago and getting worse by the day. Standing straight up and walking is just about impossible. I can walk bent over so I'm grateful for that. Anyway, that's my story and I'm quite confident I will overcome this. And I'm so thankful for this program.
    Stella likes this.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi danny1943,

    Welcome to this great SEP and community here. I hope you ask questions and make reports as you go. We've all been through the baffling symptoms that cause terrible pain, and turn out to be "nothing."

    As you go through the SEP, you will find certain things resonate with you more than others. This is part of the process, to be more of who you are, your individuation from patterning from the past, better self-care, better boundaries.

    I was in a wheelchair and crutches and did not take one step without pain for over 3 years. I was scheduled for nerve surgery. Engaging Dr. Sarno's work, I got back to mountain climbing, and I recovered my youth which I thought was ruined. Good luck in this learning process!

    Andy B
  3. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    Andy, thank you for the kind words. Right now I'm at the point where I've tried practitioners and see that avenue won't work. I refused the steroids and nerve drugs which was looked down upon. Right now I'm getting exhausted from the pain and just to get by I'm taking tylenol which gives me enough relief to function. I'm still working so I had to do something. Also I've made an appointment with a Dr. Rashbaum in Manhattan who was a student of Dr. Sarno. I tried to get an MRI but the orthopedic said Medicare won't approve payment until I go through 4 to 6 weeks of physical therapy. I'm waiting to see if Dr. Rashbaum requires an MRI to get started. One thing I know for sure and that is I did not injure my back doing the hatha yoga posture I was doing. There's just no way this simple, benign action could have caused this degree of pain. So onward I go.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I am glad you are seeing a TMS trained physician. This will give you great assurance moving forward. This step helped me very much.
  5. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    I'm also beginning to think about childhood trauma. I was sexually molested by my peewee baseball coach who I loved and worshiped as I had no father. Even though it was 60 years ago I have a feeling it might mean something today. I was only 12 years old and that's the only memory I have from that time. And I remember everything he said and did to me. And I think why did I so vividly remember such a terrible experience.
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I am sorry about this deeply traumatic experience. Simply knowing this, and being gentle with your feelings with it, you can, right there, find all the evidence you need that you have TMS. How might the Inner Child feel? Might there be an effort by the mind-body to defend against awareness? How long has the Inner Child been holding these feelings? So I hope you go gently with yourself, knowing nothing has to change, but that your awareness and education can bring relief...
  7. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    As asked to me when I started this program. ..to role play in private the scenes from your past of great anguish and letting the person who hurt you most know every last feeling from your heart. Hold nothing back.

    You have an obvious painful memorable trauma but I believe you will discover others that have hurt you and let that little boy down.

    Welcome to an amazing experience of learning about who you really are. You will have great success.
    Toby2015 likes this.
  8. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    Stella, thank you-the roll playing idea sounds great. And yes I already remember my high school sweetheart dumping me. Could that really still be haunting me? It was a crushing experience which, of course, I played the game of-"so what who cares" with my buddies.

    Would you have any suggestions about how to handle the extreme pain of sciatica when trying to stand straight up and walk. I know the ideal is to return to full physical activity but when I try that the pain takes my breath away. For now I'm swallowing my ego and walking bent over which works pretty well.
  9. MellieV

    MellieV Peer Supporter

    Stella, I love this post. That last line is going in my journal so I can read it over and over.
  10. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    H i, Danny. I'm almost 86 and healed from back pain more than two years ago through knowledge of TMS and believing in it 100 percent.
    But I still live with financial insecurity which I believe caused the back pain, and some days still have it, although about 2 on a scale of 10.
    It can hurt a little more than 2 if I stand with my shoulders back, so I hunch a little. But I try to tough it out and stand straight and believe that helps the back, not hurt it. Don't worry about walking bent over. It happens to us all. Modeling glamour girls used to walk with a book on top of their head, shoulders back, but they looked like they hated it.
  11. Toby2015

    Toby2015 Peer Supporter

    I did this in the car today and it really helped!
    Ok so maybe the other drivers were looking at me funny but it felt really good to have a rant knowing nobody could here me.
    I thoroughly recommend it!
    I wish you every success with your healing danny1943.
  12. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    I just role played the child molestation I experienced and "Wow" it was so powerful. I played both me as a 12 year old and the molester. I came away feeling very very indrawned and peaceful. I felt as though I relived the experience and almost cried. The molester said he was sorry but just could not control his desires. I remember a scripture I read which said: children are very close to God so don't ever harm a child. I feel sorry for this guy.

    On a mundane note I'm getting an MRI in a few days. An orthopedic had told me Medicare would not approve it for another 4-6 weeks. This was absolutely not true so I don't know why he said that. So I'll have this info for my first appointment with the TMS doctor. I'm fairly sure it'll show the proverbial disc problem.
    Toby2015 likes this.
  13. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    When I was asked this question of "who hurt me the most", I could not answer it. But I know there is great power in the "unanswered question". I kept processing this question in my unconscious mind. I thought, who could it be... my Mother?

    On one of the call-in chats on this site I was asked about any stress in childhood. The only thing I could possible think of was... I had a baby brother die of cancer. I was 4 and my sister was 6. I was asked if I ever cried. I said NO. The facilitator said I would have been abandoned at the conscious level and the unconscious level.... I was so surprised. When Mikey was diagnosed with cancer my Mother held that dying baby in her arms for 2 months before his passing. When he died he was never discussed again. It was like he never existed. The toys were gone. The high chair was gone. The pictures were gone.

    I stayed with my Grandmother during the dying process..... then she died. Still no crying and no discussion about missing her. My Mother was in so much pain with Mikey's death that she decided to never get close to anyone again. I never heard "I love you." I never had physical affection. I never had emotional support. This is just the way it was. I knew I had terrible low self-esteem. I knew I was a people pleaser.

    6 years ago I moved my parents to my city because of my Father's health problems. I became very ill. The perfectionism, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of making a mistake, and constant worry and fear. My physical therapist suggested I read The Divided Mind. I started this program and my life changed forever for the better.

    I was so angry at my Mother. I have had a lifetime of health problems and depression. I screamed and yelled at her...role playing. How could she do this to us? I am lucky I have not committed suicide. My Father passed away last July. Now I have my Mother to take care of. I have forgiven her many times. She had a terrible childhood. She did the best she could do at the time. It still is not easy for me with her. I have to manage myself (thoughts and physical symptoms) all the time.

    Danny, you will get yourself figured out (all of you will) and you will be standing and walking tall. Talk to that sciatica and "believe" the pain will stop (then probably moving somewhere else to challenge your thinking).
  14. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    Stella, thanks for the sharing. I really admire your courage and perserverence. I got the MRI and will get the results next Tues. The pain keeps banging away. At times there are exceptions so I know there's no injury. But it's just so severe trying to push through to full physical activity. For instance, I do hatha yoga and so much want to get back to it. However, if I try to push it's just too much to bear at this time. I live in a community situation and sometimes just walking to our dining hall is exscruciating. I've practiced meditation for over 40 years and without that I don't think I would want to carry on. That is, I would probably surrender to strong pain pills. Anyway, I still have faith that I'm not injured and this will be over with. It's really great having an outlet like this thread to share my situation.
  15. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    I have been thinking about you Danny. I assume you have been waiting on the results from the MRI before continuing the program. The "fear" of wondering and waiting for the results can be excruciating. It is very very good news when you say that there are times when the pain subsides. That tells you so much. There is an article that Dr. Schubiner wrote on fear. I don't know if you have read it. I will try to find it and post it here for you. I felt it was very insightful.

    Dr. Sarno talks about education is the penicillin. I have absolutely no doubt you will get better... significantly better. You talk to that pain. "I don't care how bad you hurt I am going to work this program. Nothing is going to stop me. You can cause me excruciating pain and I am still going to do it..... no matter what."

    Your mind knows you are considering this and will do ANYTHING to stop you. Your mind will create doubt by increasing the pain and moving it around. I remember my physical therapists telling me Dr. Sarno says it is "mild oxygen" deprivation. I thought, you have to be kidding me, there is nothing mild about this.

    You can do it.... I know you can.
  16. Stella

    Stella Well known member

  17. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    Thanks, Stella, for your words and the link-I needed that. Today I had to stop taking tyelenol due to stomach irritation. So getting around this morning is really tough. It's so dang hard to push through the pain-so bad it brings tears to my eyes. But I am talking to the pain and the brain. I've been going to Walmart and walking with a cart. In this way I can walk without pain and boy does it feel great! So, what the hell, if I have to I'll get a walker. I'm so pissed off at the pain! I've been doing hatha yoga for 15 years and although I'm no expert I am somewhat accomplished. My fellow students are intent on telling me the posture I was doing caused this pain and to just hang in there and rest. I get all kinds of suggestions-do this do that-all given to me with love. Damn! This is frustrating!. Well I certainly don't want to get into self pity-too old for that one. So, thanks again Stella.
  18. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    90% of my spine is fused due to Scoliosis. When sitting at the computer my neck started hurting. The Doc said it was disc degeneration right at the top of my fusion. ...made sense. I took ibuprofen and Tylenol for years. Then the pain disappeared. ..moved to my lower back. Same issue. ..disc degeneration and bulging disc at the bottom fusion. ...made sense. The Doc said "stop all bending."

    Th scoliosis doc said they could fuse me all the way to my head and all the way to my sacrum to eliminate the pain. I said, "I would lose my ability to bend and move my head. " He said you don't have much flexibility anyway.

    Dr. Sarno was right. ..disc degeneration and bulging disc don't cause pain. Today I play pickleball 4-5 days each week. I run, jump, bend, twist, turn even fall on occasion with no injuries.

    Yes, I have had sciatica too. A yoga posture does not cause this.
  19. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Some of the things people say really pxxx me off.
  20. danny1943

    danny1943 New Member

    Since my last reply here's what happened. Backing up a little: After breakfast, I had to walk back to dining hall to bus food tray and then another walk to where the computer was. It was extremely painful finally getting to the computer. After reading your post and the link and then posting my reply I started walking to the parking lot to my car. And much to my surprise I was walking without much pain which I attributed to your post and my reading the link and posting my reply. I thought this is good. Then about 5 minutes later while driving I burst out bawling really loud and tears started flowing. It just came out of nowhere. I wasn't thinking about anything I was bawling and bawling. Just to think of it tears are coming to my eyes. So I started thinking about the pain and became extremely angry at it and wanted to rip it out of my body and stomp on it. I told it I don't care about you anymore just do want you want I just don't give a crap. I have a life and things I want and love to do and I'm going to do them come hell or high water. So I walked in Walmart but I really didn't need the help of the cart. I then went to my gym and did some upper body work. Since then I have been walking easily. It feels similar to when I take the pain pills. It still hurts a little but not that much. So whether I regress or not I just don't care. I want to thank for your part in what happened. You're a very kind person.

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