Day 6 Intense Journaling

[KevinB]

Hello community,

Yesterday's and today's journal activities were intense.... writing about past traumas can be very emotional and challenging, but I always feel a bit "lighter" after. My physical pain is still there, and I think part of the reason is because I'm still monitoring it A LOT. I've also been noticing that much of the work I've putting in has been more to get rid of the pain than to really uncover what's going on.... I've read that doing the work solely to get rid of the pain can actually hinder recovery because it's not "sincere".... uggggg, there's just so many damn do's and dont's, at times I feel overwhelmed.

Last time, prior to finding Dr. Sarno and TMS, I obsessively researched about back problems, horror stories, etc.... this time I've managed to NOT do that, but it seems I've replaced that with massive research into TMS, Dr. Sarno, etc..... I just feel so much anger that this freakin' pain returned.... I'm trying not beat myself up over it, and accept it, but being free of it for 4-5 months, only to have it return, well it's really felt like I've been in a damn nightmare at times! I know that part of recovering from TMS is acceptance, but I'm finding that hard to do this time - I want to be pain free NOW! Not in 6 weeks, not in 3 months, not in whenever!!!!

I guess I'm just letting out some steam. I'm going to relax now, for the remainder of the day. Acceptance is key, I'm gonna work toward acceptance.

Kevin

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I've also been noticing that much of the work I've putting in has been more to get rid of the pain than to really uncover what's going on.... I've read that doing the work solely to get rid of the pain can actually hinder recovery because it's not "sincere".... uggggg, there's just so many damn do's and dont's, at times I feel overwhelmed.

Hi Kevin,
I think that what you describe is a natural part of the process. You are doing what you can to "fix the problem." Then on top of that you are worried you are not "fixing it right." Then there is just a frustrated realization that no matter the stance you take, it is "not right, or not enough." Try to hold of these thoughts as normal, and witness them. Also, I suggest you watch Inner Critic activity around your TMS work. You can observe and disengage from this Inner Bully. The truth is you don't "know" the "exact" way out of your pain. You are sincerely engaging all the best practices, with the mind and worries of a normal, afflicted human. Just writing this, I feel more compassion for my life's challenges. I hope you do too!
Andy B.