Intense Anxiety

Hi all, As some of you know and some don't, I'm 22 and had spinal fusion for a fractured vertebrae which shifted 5mm forward over my sacrum. My symptoms were not completely resolved from it only a small amount. I was cleared and considered a success although i didn't feel like it.

been doing the TMS work For a few months now early days, so I have the usual good days and then swings into doubt but it is steadily increasing towards more belief/relief!

- The things that keep me on track are, I get the symptom Imperative everyday its quite crazy, but its only on the right side of my body up and down.
- I have periods of completely no pain (which is tough when it comes back)

-Things that screw me, Fear is number one
-Future worries are another, never be the same ect..

I used to train a lot in the gym and felt strong and untouchable, so when i "injured" my back stuffing around,
all confidence was lost and developed the mental image that my spine was as strong as a spaghetti stick.

Ive been reading Steve O's Great pain deception and what a book it is I highly recommend it. Im nearly finished and have identified some personality traits and learnt how to better go about recovery (more direction) compassion and mindfulness are key! As I've been reading and employing techniques, giving the symptoms less attention & fear I have developed some serious Anxiety. Sometimes it just comes on probably followed by a quick thought of worrying and man it can stay for hours sometimes. It's pretty unpleasant but i don't fear it, it's just really annoying as breathing becomes irregular and heart beats faster as if you want to run or have been running and you try and stop it but sometimes it perpetuates the cycle and at worst case you need to get out of where you are and lay down.

What is the likely meaning behind this? Am i worrying about future damage or is the mind playing games?
sometimes It can be controlled which is such relief other times you have to ride the wave witch sucks!
sometimes I even get a bit of both symptoms and anxiety.

Anyone else dealing with something similar, or can provide some insight on what they think?
Much Appreciated.

 

Kiz - It is tough being a man, feeling untouchable and to have something pop up on your and make you have to reflect on the future when you have only been living in the present. I get it, it is at the core of my TMS to some degree.

Like you, I was floating through life feeling great and wham...TMS hit me. Mine takes on a different flavor than yours to some degree but we do share the anxiety and fear portion.

I had never experienced any form of anxiety before until it hit me. It was terrible and I had no tools to help me get out of it. Fear of the future, thinking about missing out on fun summer activities, time with my son etc is what started the FEAR for me. Then when the anxiety hit I would react with more fear...so I was adding fear on top of fear.

Two things snapped me out of it. The first was a combination of peer support on this site. Go read the posts by Balto. Also, there are some Claire Weekes audios in the Wiki yo can listen to that explain what anxiety is all about.

Balto is a member on the site who suffered from TMS and anxiety issues for years. He finally make the correlation that FEAR was the only thing keeping his TMS alive. Claire Weekes says the same thing. My therapist defined anxiety to me as the irrational thoughts and FEAR of the future without any proof of what will happen.

So the key is to step back and live in the present......and to stop worrying about the future. Stop wondering if you will have this issue forever. Stop adding to the Fear cycle. ONce you can start to remove the FEAR thought process you will start to see things more clearly for what they are.

Once thing caught my eye in your post. You said that you have periods of time when you are pain free...that should be a great indicator to you that your body can't be super messed up like your mind wants you to think.

I try to think of a couple of things when I start to dive into the future thoughts. I saw a navy seal talking about how the normal person can't do what a seal does because a normal person only uses about 10% of the brains ability to control the body. The seals are capable of using the mind to trick the body into thinking its ok.

Second, I see all these stories of people on TV who are in some horrible crashes and doctors say they will never walk or talk or do anything. But they end up recovering to the doctors amazement......all o fthe say they were determined to not let their situation dictate their life.

Figure out why your letting the FEAR cycle into your process and you will start to see your anxiety decrease...I promise.

 

Thanks Pingman! your right its just usually thoughts you get stuck in and they never even come to pass. controlling these seems to be the key. Clair's audio tapes are great!

 

Sometimes, trying too hard to control them and control everything in life is the problem. You really have no control over anything in life....the people wo are the happiest in life are the ones who recognize that is the case. You could die tomorrow, lose your job and there is nothing you can do about it. If it is your time for something it is. You worry about that when that comes...controlling only what you can in the present.

Anxiety by definition is worrying about the future which you have zero control over..... just live and stop trying to control. Easier said than done but you can do it....many on this site have.

 

Yes as Pingman said. Take it 1 day at a time. 1 hour at a time if you have too. Just focus on the present and loose the focus on the symptoms -- any physical symptom. You have to step completely into the psychological realm OK. If you must think of something on the body then think of a part of the body that has no pain. That way at least you wont be sending tension to your back or any part that hurts any more. Then soon those neural pathways will be the rd less traveled and new neural pathways will take the majority rule over your physiology. Then you wont have to work like your having to now - not as hard any way because you have become reconditioned ya know.

For a while you will see darkly then you will see clearly your way. Just keep seeking and asking questions. Your doing great. Bless You

 

This post helped me a lot, thanks Herbie!! I love ya!

 

I have been getting alot of anxiety past couple days aswell...Just as I was starting to make progress with my symptoms.

The irregular breathing, lump in your throat, racing heart, hot flushes. It is a horrible feeling and really just drains you. I left work today, listened to Claire Weekes audios then ended up falling asleep and woke up drenched in sweat. Did some journalling, went for a jog and now I'm feeling a little better, though still on edge and trying to shake that fear of it coming back.

I havn't experienced anxiety like that since before my chronic symptoms started a few years ago (Im 23). So I'm taking that as a sign my mind is putting up a fight.

I also use to be in the gym 4x a week and that was the best I have ever felt, I havn't worked out for going on a couple years now. Going to slowly start to easing myself back into it.

Good luck with it all Kizaa,

The encouragement and advice of people on this board really helps to get you through it.

 

This is great news branden101. You are going through the floating phase.
This will pass and you will be able to endure better soon.
You are making progress when it seems the hardest.
Bless You

 

Love this thread.

I was the exact same way. I was the girl who carried a mini fridge up 3 flights of stairs by herself. I would run and jump down snow covered hills in the woods just for fun. Now, after a year of no running, I'm up to 3-5 mins. It's a start, but if I can run for 5 mins, I can run a mile, right? So I just keep on trying.

It's hard. It's hard to be so strong, and then, *Boom!*, crippled. I found I placed nearly all my self worth in my athleticism. Sounds like some of the people in this thread do (did) as well.

I was talking to a good friend of mine about it all and she said, "You do know we don't like you just because you can run right?"

It's a good thing to think about. I know we all want, maybe even desperately want, to get back to our physical peak, but does it really matter? We are worth more than how many reps we can do at the gym.

I need to look into getting rid of FEAR. I think that's a big puzzle piece I'm missing. I get anxiety attacks a lot. To control them, I've been working out to the best of my ability, meditating, and taking a B-Complex multi. I find those 3 things help.

I also find that treating anxiety like pain helps. Say "this is going to wash over me and it'll pass" to both.

Good luck!

 

One thing I just read yesterday (I think on the TMS Recovery page somewhere) that really helped me in regards to fear (huge thing for me) - is that when you feel it, recognize that it is just an emotion, and that it will pass/float by. It doesn't control you. You have the power to see it, and then release it.
I've been practicing that since I read that, and it seems to be helping. Just realizing that fear is not an integral part of me, but just an emotion coming to pay a visit. And that I can release and give it permission to float on by.

 

Hi all....i was doing extremely well for a week...learnt to accept and live in the present and be mindfull....was doing a 30 minute mindfullness meditation session in the morning...and 20 minutes at night.....

Now all of a sudden i get a new symptom....i feel my mood swing when i'm tired in the evenings....i feel so glum for awhile...not depressed like i used to be....and my thoughts are in better control so it wears off within a few hours....just wanna know if this is part of the symptom imperative to scare me....during the day i'm doing very well,,..its just the evenings that scare me....i am still trying to learn to accept all the sensations my body throws at me...to feel all my feelings and not block anything out....especually when i meditate that is what i focus on...the sensations that come and go in my body....i have zero paij symptoms....only had anxiety which comes in a mild manner when i get slightly worried about why i am not enjoying the present moment...i am trying to accept this and move on as well....any suggestions folks?

 

Mindfulliving,
I think you're just getting used to feeling your emotions. You're repressing less, so you're feeling more. It takes awhile to get used to if you've been out of touch with your emotions for awhile. I've been going through the same thing. This is what being alive feels like. It's scary at first, but it gets easier.

Congratulations on having zero pain symptoms! That is great!

 

ELLEN, my dear friend you are spot on...there are times when i can link that physical sensation called sadness to my suffering...my body is not used to feeling anger so some anxiety arises whenever i'm tired and get upset at something...but as i breathe deeply and accept all physical sensations....and try to understand them better...i feel better....

Thank you so much ellen i'm going to keep at being mindfull and accepting all my emotions...

 

Hi eric i'd love to know what you think abput my previous post......your's and ellen's replies are what saved me in the past...thank you...

 

I am wondering if you didn't do it enough? With mindfulness -- you have to pour it on ok.

Here is where being mindful comes too the rescue. You are mindful that you have control over your reactions. Control your mental health with controlling your reactions ok. The reaction is when you got in fear of the new system -- here try not fearing the new symptom ok. That's being mindful. Staying in the moment and not focusing on anything but actions. I take this action to be free in my mind from any outside stimuli or symptoms. I don't get anxious over trivial symptoms that are just cause I am thinking in un- mindfulness.

See you can float in mindfulness -- you can face you can stop reactions and judgments and criticism. It when you hand over your focus and attention outside of
mindfulness that you give strength to your negative thoughts.

Clean thinking isn't easy but in mindfulness with enough practice you can do it and become accustomed to it in a high degree of self- confidence. Loose the fear thoughts. Fear thoughts are mastered in mindfulness so if you're going to be mindful you have to do every step to a T.

I know at the beginning we learn to basically meditate and stay in the now which is foundational power in your tool but you must advance and learn new methods to apply to this mindfulness. Choosing to stay in center in the flow in positive intention is a choice you will have to be mindful to make over and over and over again but you can practice it over and over and over and you will have all of this beat. Let me know if you have any questions ok.

If your getting worried that your not enjoying the present moment then you aren't being mindful enough -- you are thinking either in the past or future while you think you are being mindful. How do you get Depressed? Answer that question and you will know how to stay not depressed. Get your focus in the nature around you and anything but your body. If you are focusing on the body and not the emotion then go back to the emotion.
When was the first time you had that emotion. Think of it then, when you first had it and let that emotion from the very first time you can remember stay with you and then let that emotion evaporate as you face it without fear or mental chatter or judgment or many of the other distractions you have mentioned. See you are focusing and doing mindfulness at the same time and your getting some focusing and mindfulness wrong. I said all the answers above to stay in check with mindfulness and focusing ok. Get books and all the studies you can on these two arts. Its well worth it especially since you have had improvements. You have to think in the emotions -- not in the body ok. Thanks

 

Thank you so much eric...this truly means alot to me....

Yes i have been meditating just to train my mind to focus on the present...NOW....but i am also applying mindfullness and focusing in my daily life as MUCH as i can...i had an awesome day yesterday......all i need is more and more practice.....thank you so much eric once again you truly save lives

 

Thank You and remember to practice clean thinking continuously throughout your day. If you do this then all of your day will be easier to get through. I practice clean thinking by deciding to choose what thoughts I ponder on. If its a negative thought with bad emotions attached to it, well unless I'm journaling it and facing it -- I'm sure not thinking about it - ( less you process without the need for journaling -- some people can like Steve Ozanich although he's trained pretty well now. I can process about half the time and make less beneficial thoughts better and the others I journal to make me feel better so I can work on releasing ya know ) when I'm enjoying my clean thought stream ok.

Another thing that will throw our thoughts out of balance is our reactions to outside stimuli usually in the form of trivialities like someone starting an argument with you maybe. So here you would process the emotions yes but then let those emotions float through you as you move your thought conscious stream to cleaner thoughts ok. Abraham low always said thoughts on trivialities were what made us hurt and sick so stay away from reactive thoughts and trivialities to let you in on a higher truth ok. That's a good key to help you heal fully mindfulliving. When you heal -- tell us your success story ok, just be patient -- it will come.

 

Herbie, you really do always give great advice and examples for healing and driving away fear and anxiety.

I never heard the expression "Live in the present" until a couple of years ago, before I learned about Dr. Sarno
and TMS. I didn't have a clue then what that meant or how to achieve it. I've learned from the Sarno books
and your posts how to live more in the present.

 

Awesome stuff eric...i'm doing much better now and enjoying life alot more...with the odd "extremely minor" relapse every couple of days...but all i have to do is practice being mindful....do some meditation to understand thought patterns....and then try to concentrate on what i am doing (be mindful)...ie. if i am practicing singing i listen to the sound of the note and feel the vibration in my body...i try to focus on these...when i notice my mind wander i accept those thoughts...dont fight them...and gently bring my attention back to the sound of that musical note....i do not have many symptoms anymore just a very minor fatigued feeling sometimes....

One thing i have learnt is during meditation or even throughout to day...try your best to accept what emotions or sensations your body gives you....i'm finally starting to feel more....and i feel balanced...thank you so so much eric your words are healing...lots of love

 

Herbie is the TMS guru from Georgia. He's told me he's spent years, most of his life since learning how to read,
and he's in his early 40s now, reading books of all kinds that has filled him with knowledge he now gives to others.
Thank you, Herbie.