Instrusive Thoughts/Mental symptoms

[Khetu]

Hello again, it's been a while since I had to post here asking for advice, but once a year or so seems like the going rate for my 'relapses' I guess, haha..

I've found myself in an interesting position I haven't faced before - namely my TMS relapses have given up the physical pain and have now turned 'mental', if that makes sense. I haven't had a physical issue for ages now, and my hand pain hasn't shown its face since I got shot of it. (I'm still delighted about that.)

Nothing particular sparked it, but I began to get 'instusive thoughts' a few weeks ago. Things related to actions that would be repellent to me, or ruin my life, ruin the lives of others or be thoughts of me feeling ways which I do not - like hating someone I love or loving someone I hate, obsessing over people's actions or just their presence when normally I couldn't give a single flying sh-t about them, etc.
I know the thoughts are TMS based because they rear their head most when I am stressed, or when I'm stuck at work, or when I'm trying to concentrate on something I enjoy. All three times when I need breathing room in my thinking space which the thoughts do not allow me - I know they are intrusive and not "secretly feeling like this" because they bring me nothing but distress when they pop in my head.

I began to get horrible pits in my stomach when they'd pop up for the billionth time in a day, and it was at that point I figured this was most likely TMS, and began treating it as such. I got the anxiety spikes under control and I'm going back to journalling to try and pinch whatever is bothering me in the bud, but the intrusive thoughts simply got worse.

I'm guessing I'm getting closer to it and my brain is now getting desperate, but I'd just like some advice on how to even attempt to approach this when the problem is mental and not physical pain (which I can shoo away in a matter of days when it comes up.)

I'd like to add I do not have OCD, nor have I ever displayed OCD tendancies that would be an indictator that that is an underlying issue. I'm utterly convinced this is yet another relapse, but I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not going insane, and if anyone else got this as a TMS symptom and how they approached it.

Thanks everyone.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hey there @Khetu (with perhaps my all-time favorite avatar). This is a frustrating and scary but also really interesting manifestation of TMS!

With your knowledge and skills and success, there's no reason to believe that you're going to succumb to whatever this is on a permanent basis, I just feel very confident about that. It is interesting to contemplate how this sort of experience might impact somebody with zero emotional awareness, but that's just an intellectual exercise, I don't believe it relates to you at all.

Okay, all that being said let's think about some ideas about how you can approach this. Calming your brain does seem to be the ultimate goal, but I'm not going to just say "you need to meditate" and call it good, because I myself struggle to meditate when my mind is racing. What you might try doing is one minute breathing exercises. Find yourself one of those little meditation timer apps, set it for five minutes total with a soft gong that goes off every minute. The gong reminds you to once again clear your brain and breathe again (it can take no more than twenty seconds to lose focus and let the squirrel brain take over!). Just do this for 5 minutes to start. That's doable. See if you're willing to increase it to 10 minutes after a number of days.

As for writing, make sure that you dispose of what you write so that you are able to be completely honest with what you put down. Your brain will try to get you to avoid writing things down, and it's much easier to get over that if you know you're going to throw it away.

You could approach your writing kind of sideways. Start by expressing how you feel about what your brain is doing to you right now. Explore some reasons why it might be doing this. Use code (like first letters only) to write down things that make you really uncomfortable. Be curious! Be kind to yourself, and truthful FOR yourself.

When I'm done with my writing, I like to finish with something I appreciate about myself and something from the day for which I'm grateful, no matter how small.

Just some ideas!

~Jan

 

[Khetu]

Hi @JanAtheCPA , thanks for getting back to me so quickly!

I'll be starting on this meditation plan as soon as possible, that sounds like a really good idea - kind of like a 'force reset' for the brain.
Regarding journalling, I've found typing in a notepad document and not looking at what comes out as I type allows me to stay in the flow (it's probably absolute nonsense that isn't english to read!) and also means I can just close it down without saving and it vanishes forever! I'm beginning to suspect a few origin points for this particular relapse, so I'm gonna start there and try and dig into why my brain is taking this approach. Maybe it's doing a mental approach because it knows physical doesn't work anymore? That would be a small victory in itself, I guess!

Thankyou for your kind words, I really appreciate your advice and support!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

That's good. I like to "get the word out" whenever possible about not saving our journaling. Nicole Sachs says she personally uses the unsaved digital document method. I use pen and paper and it is illegible scribbling!

 

[Khetu]

I use pen and paper and it is illegible scribbling!

I'd much prefer writing with a pen too, but stationary is extortionately expensive in my country!