Day 9 Inner critic

I am very critical of myself. I overthink most of what I do. Some examples below:

You have cellulite and it's just getting worse because you can't work out. Gross

You said something mean yesterday at that party. Not cool. Everyone is going to find out that you aren't really a kind person.

You should be better at letting go of that stuff from 6th grade. Why can't you move on and grow up. You are pathetic.

You aren't sober enough and your program sucks right now. You should be better by now.
(I have been a member of AA for over 17 years)

You should not be sponsoring women, you aren't healthy enough. You have nothing to offer. You are selfish and self centered.

You aren't taking care of your appearance. You look like crap. I thought you'd look better at 40.

Your skin looks bad. You have rosacea and age spots. Ugly. Sucks you can't wear make up to cover it up. People will think your face looks bad.

You probably aren't even doing this SEP right. People on here are going to know you are crazy and pathetic. You probably should be careful what you write on here.

Pretty brutal. I would not tell another human being things like this but precisely the opposite.

Went to counseling with my husband yesterday and said we need to resolve the issue of if he is willing to work on our marriage or not. We did not resolve it but at least I brought it up. Amazingly I did not fall apart crying in there because I have been crying about it since starting this program. The final decision is no decision. Again, this is what we did last year. We did make some slow progress with our time together and being kinder to one another. The therapist said that is closure but it isn't for me. I am trying to create my own temporary closure. To myself I'm saying "You can worry again after the holidays and while you are at therapy." Gives me some sort of way to try to let go. Of course I feel terrified right now but that might work for me. I'm always extra sensitive day or 2 after an intense session.

 

The honesty in your post is very touching and brave. My inner critic used to be just that harsh, but I have managed to tame her for the most part. You can too. You are well on your way to recovery.

We are all here to support you. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

 

Thank you Ellen. I knew I had it bad but when you actually write the thoughts down and pay attention to how terrible they are.... Geez.

 

Yea, I think that is one of the reasons writing things down can really be helpful.

 

Hi Shells,

I always recommend the Byron Brown's book Soul Without Shame for a very precise exploration of the Inner Critic, and some approaches to work with it. Much of the book simply normalizes the kind of inner talk which you described. Part of working with the Inner Critic, in my experience, is clearly seeing the activity is normal, and does not in itself make me "wrong." It is extra painful (and easy!) to feel "wrong about my wrongness!"

Good luck in working your inner and outer relationships.

You can do some wonderful work with Dr. Sarno's approach using what you already know about your inner talk/relationships. "How does my Inner Child feel about these messages from an Inner Critic (parent)? Are those feelings ones which I probably "don't want to feel?" If so, then I understand the true source of my symptoms, which are a defense/distraction so that I don't feel those ________ (feelings). Understanding and feeling the inner relationships is a great doorway to unraveling the symptoms, because you have wonderful evidence of Dr. Sarno's theory.

Andy B

 

Thanks Andy,
Yes. I was so sad today, that I didn't care as much that I was hurting though I was still aware. Then about an hour ago I realized I wasn't hurting as badly physically! Of course it started creeping back when I thought about it but it gives me the hope that just maybe I might be able to get some relief

I am finally (at least for today) positive anout the fear cycle and tension correlation to the symptoms. And I think being able to care about it less today was very helpful in breaking through the absolute hopelessness surrounding pain.

I am definitely interested in the book you recommend. I saw it on another post and it is on my list.

Thanks for the support!