Greetings all, and happy new year! First time poster long time sufferer... Looking for some advice as I start my TMS journey in 2019. A bit about me, 41, weightlifter from Vancouver BC with some definite OCD, anxiety, perfectionist behavioural patterns... This is about the 5th time I’ve injured myself is the past 7 years or so. The pain always in my lower right side and a bit into the hip...It doesn’t come from out of nowhere, each “injury” happened specifically at the tail end of a workout where I was pushing maximum weight for a 1 rep max. (Ie. Squats, Snatches...) and felt the pain hit. The first few times I was prescribed some pain meds and Physical Therapy and eventually recovered within the span of a few months... Fast forward to October 2017, my back had been getting progressively sorer and sorer over the months from a heavy Squat related program. Between warmups. Rolled out on my trusty mobility ball and instantly felt that familiar pull/pain sensation and down I went... This time it was different however, the pain was not as searing as in past occasions but as of 2019 has not gone away. Now I pretty much just live with it. I’ve spent the last year zig-zagging between Chiropractors, Osteos, Physical Therapists and scaring the crap out myself reading too many Low back articles online. Trying various exercises and stretches and ab strengthening routines from the Stuart McGill “Back Mechanic” school of treatment but have yet to make any real progress. Yet I still tried my best to workout. Can’t run or sprint? Fine, I’ll push a sled or do farmer’s walks or use kettlebells. Can’t bench? Fine I’ll floor press. Can’t deadlift or back row? Fine I’ll do reverse bench rows and flyes. Stupid back, you can’t stop me! An MRI in June 2018 said I have about three bulging discs, stenosis, arthritis—whatever... I still remember My Doc’s words: “Do Physical Therapy and take it easy...” I took that as work out harder. I rehabbed harder. Nothing was going to stop me. But the pain started getting worse. I started cutting off exercises left and right, figuring I could bring them back when the rehab started working... Come September 2018 things were not going well I stopped working entirely so I could “focus on my back”....That should work right? Well, I just got worse. Sciatic tweaks, pins and needles, dizziness, terrible anxiety attacks, fear I’d wake up paralyzed or with Cauda Equina syndrome....I went from somewhat mobile and still in pain, to barely mobile and in a lot more pain. Fear of moving suddenly rules my life. Reading Sarno’s work has been and an eye-opening experience. I’m doing my best to return to normal activities but holy-hell is the Fear gripping me tight. I tried jogging this past week with so-so results. The pains are muted but there. I have yet to try any “big lift” type of maneuvers and am just trying to enjoy free movements again. This has been the hardest part for me. Just wondering if there are any other lifters out there going through similar problems? Love and peace to everyone!