1. Our TMS drop-in chat is today (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern U.S.(New York) Daylight Time. It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support. BruceMC is today's host. Click here for more info or just look for the red flag on the menu bar at 3pm Eastern (now US Daylight Time).
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

Im stuck with regrets, how to deal and accept the past

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Candy, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. Candy

    Candy New Member

    Hello, i have been applying the tms method to my pelvic pain. The problem i have right now is that i keep on thinking about the things that i did in the past that caused me to have this pain and anxiety. If only i could turn back time and change the things that i should not have done, my life would have been better today. I keep on regretting my decisions. I keep on beating myself why i did those things that are not important. I know its wrong to dwell in the past but i realized that i did not took care of my body well. Those things that i did were worthless compared to my health and wellbeing. But i never thought during that time that i would end up like this (in chronic pain, anxiety and depression). I feel that i wasted my life just because of those useless things that i did in the past. Please help me with some advice so that i can let go of my past and regrets.
  2. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS Consultant

    On the last page 339 in GPD I said I could sum up TMS in one word, "guilt." It still holds true in people I work with. At it's core we are guilted/divided, but it's not just in the mind.

    Forgiving, letting go, courage, these are things that one person can't teach another. It comes from a spark within, a series of personal revelations from deepening insight. If you look you will see, seek and find.

    The main reason that people can't let go is a lack of self love (fear). Love is at the heart of every solution but it starts with the self. The brain is programmed in theta state by other people so most of what we fall back on is already programmed into us (95%). So start right there and program a new you, by you, for you. You control your outcome, which is a great freedom.

    JanAtheCPA and Candy like this.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I always go back to the inherent (built-in) design of our primitive brains, reminding myself that we are wired to be negative, because a negative outlook in the primitive world enhanced our chances of survival - even though survival back then meant simply living long enough to breed and raise the next generation - and that wasn't very long.

    In other words, Candy, it's your primitive brain that is beating up on you, and in our safe and modern world, where we live very long lives, it's essential for you to face your primitive brain, and fight back with self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love.

    Agreed, 100%. YOU have the power to change the negative messages to positive and constructive ones - if you want to! It can be that simple, but for many people, this is the hardest thing they've ever had to do.

    Candy likes this.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think you may believe that you're in the present condition because of something you did. You're beating yourself up. This activity is to be seen and disengaged from. It is obsessive mental activity, plain and simple.

    You are not caught in any particular place based on your history. It is all workable. Dr. Sarno has never said that "because you did or thought xy or z you cannot get relief." This is a mind trap that you're laying on yourself. I hope you can see what Steve, Jan and I are saying, and learn to witness and not believe these thoughts. Even though you're getting caught up in these guilty thoughts, this is still OK, part of the human condition. Your own guilt does not make you wrong. It may feel that way, though. You will be OK!

    You might start with a letter to yourself from your Compassionate Self. This is the part of you who knows your feelings and your suffering, including the guilty, regretful suffering you describe. This compassionate part of you lives in you and you can write a simple letter to your present-day self, from this perspective. "I see that you're suffering about _____________. I understand when you went through _____________________ and reacted like this:_________________________ I see you, Candy and I love you."

    Sometimes I teach people to find a picture of themselves as a child, and see the qualities: the beauty, the aliveness, and the goodwill, and natural integrity, and write a letter from this understanding of your long and experienced life. You are still this person, and always have been. Recognize your own tenderness and pain lovingly... You want and need love. You can give this to yourself.
  5. Candy

    Candy New Member

    thanks for your reply sir steveo. I have your book, its very informative. My problem right now is i cant stop myself from thinking my past that caused me to suffer like this. I know its so wrong but i cant help it, it is torturing me. I try not to give it attention but it keeps on surfacing in my dreams and waking hours.
  6. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Candy,

    I can totally get what you mean because i felt that way too. The regrets and quilt etc. when i first got 'into' tms thinking this was a big thing for me : 'so i am not capable to deal with emotions and so i ended up in pain : so i did this all to myself ' and on top of that i had (and have) a hard time discovering what exacly are these feelings and emotions. I think now this is sadly the same negative circle : once again you focus on being dissapointed about yourself and beating yourself up.
    I believe in tms approach but also strugle with the 'how to put in to work for myself ' this i think is very important ! I am making slowly positive progress and what i did do was give myself some space!! Because i do not know about you but being hard on myself ; Well i perform great in that area..
    And frankly : you get tired of that in the end. What i also did was reversing some stuff : instead of focussen on my negative emotions and all the stuff i am missing because of pain etc etc .
    I try to think about what is important to me , what i like to do (and did in the past ) and why and try the implement tiny moments in my life with that more and more. Sounds easy and normal but it was hard to really enjoy anything. Partly because i simply can't because of the pain and also : because i forgot to how to Enjoy things : To be honest : it is like your life is on hold When you have pain etc. You are bussy surving instead of living. I got tired of that. Instead of strugling to 'deal with it all' now i am strugling hard to create more fun, more relaxed moments etc .. still hard work but way more positive .. i am not cured but my spirit is better and i am hoping for more. And some hope is better than quilt 24/7 .. Tiny steps in a better direction , maybe you can do that too ? Alowing yourself to choose another way to see yourself. You do not have to punish yourself extra : you do not need any punishment at all.
    I hope this makes sense to you Greetings
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
    Candy likes this.
  7. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS Consultant

    Obsessing on your past is simply TMSing. Remember that it's not the symptom that the emotions are "hiding behind" it's the obsession on them. The brain creates something that you will obsess on in OCD fashion in order to help you (the brain's favor) reduce anxiety. So it doesn't matter what you obsess on, body, phobias, cleaning, drugs, exercise... or your past. Whatever you can't get out of your mind is your brain's way of protecting you from fear. Obsession reduces anxiety.

    The idea is to recognize it (the obsessing) when it occurs, and realize why you are doing it ~~~~> FEAR.

    Candy likes this.
  8. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Steve ,

    I hope its okay that i react on this (its Candy's topic i know !)?
    I get what you say : your mind createst something' (pain , other obsessions) to protect you from fear ;
    But ;
    Why ?
    I do feel fear, in fact i think we all do , all humans do i guess. So then you have pain (or something else ) : plus fear
    I do not get that. Should you try to find a way to not have fear ? Is it possible at all.? Why does the brain protect us from fear ? What would happen if it did not do that ?
    Brainbraker for me

  9. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS Consultant

    Hi Karina Brown, you asked many questions, your mind must be brainbraking. The fear that you "feel" has nothing to do with your pain. That fear is realized (felt) and so is gone from the body. It is the fear you don't feel that causes the anger, some of which you do feel and so is also not the driver of symptoms. Feeling is releasing, not feeling is repressing leading to somaticizing.

    We have to have some fear or we would walk out into traffic or get married without prenuptial agreements. But it has to be rational and minimized. When fear reaches a certain level we begin to obsess more, or divert it.

    OCD is the brain's way of coping when feeling overwhelmed, ie, we do things repeatedly to mitigate anxiety/anger/fear. When people obsess they are OCDing in repetitive focus to avoid emotional pain.

    You asked why our brain protects us from fear? I've never had anyone ask me that. Good question, I imagine it's because we see fear as painful to us. There are basically only 2 emotions; a good one or a bad one. I suspect we perceive fear to be a bad one.

  10. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hello Steve ,

    You are right : many questions
    This is because i think if i really understood i would be able to fix ' it
    Somehow i always felt that fear is a much bigger factor than anger in all of this. Perhaps the same : we get angry because something scares us.

    The part where you explain the pain that 'we do not feel ' is a bit harder to understand for me. In a way it seems not too bad that our brains would protect us from great fear (its not a great feeling is it )if only it would pick something better to distract us than negative shit' as pain etc !!
    You are right maybe i ask the crazy and stranger questions but somehow i 'feel that this area is important.
    Like 'i have nothing to fear, but fear itself' !
    thanks for taking the time to reply
  11. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think this is important to see... Thanks!
    Candy likes this.
  12. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Hi Candy,

    Regrets, feeling guilty, and ruminating over past mistakes and bad decisions are very common TMS trait. Unfortunately it can become a destructive mental habit that drains the energy you need to live a good life.

    You can treat this, as well as TMS, using the conscious approach and/or the subconscious approach.

    As I explain in Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck, to get rapid results, we need to deal with the subconscious where our mental and emotional habits reside.

    Once you do, you can see Rapid Recovery from TMS as well as many destructive habits, such as ruminating, worrying, negative thought patterns, anxiety, etc.

    Most of my clients first contact me because they feel stuck. They have tried the conscious approach and have seen minimal results or temporary results and when finally they make progress only for the destructive mental habits to appear again. Why? Because the subconscious had been left ignored in the treatment process while those destructive mental habit are still there waiting for a chance to dominate again. Once they begin the subconscious approach usually see improvements in 2-3 days and a completely new set of positive mental habits in 3-4 weeks. You can read the stories of those who have applied my subconscious approach to TMS and destructive mental habits on my website.

    I just conducted a free workshop using this approach on how you can conquer stress, worry and anxiety by turning problems into sources of energy and excitement and this week I am starting an online course combined with live QA and coaching calls.

    It is titled,"More Health, Happiness , and Success in Just Four Weeks!" It presents some of my most effective approaches in dealing with stress, anxiety, negative thought patterns, being highly sensitive, worrying, and more. If interested, you can learn more at www.fredamir.com.

    One of my clients asked me if there was a place for the conscious approach. Of course, there is but without dealing with the subconscious mind, it will be an intellectual exercise.

    Can the conscious approach work? It all depends on the person, circumstances, symptoms, and other factors. Someone with a happy childhood may notice better results than someone with traumatic childhood experiences. Yet, both need to address those destructive mental habits.

    Hope this helped.
    Candy likes this.
  13. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    The idea behind the subconscious approach is countering intense negative emotions with intense positive emotions.

    It is about contering anger, rage, and frustration with excitement, elation, and joy. This jump starts the recovery process. Once a person is truly excited, happy, and looks forward with every ounce of their being to be free from pain or rumination and so on, then conscious approaches are far more effective.

    Being excited about recovery and about life can keep us healthier and produce wonders in our lives.

    An excellent example of a person who knew the value of getting and staying excited about life is Thomas Edison.

    On December 10, 1914, Edison's laboratory caught fire. Ten building were destroyed. When he was alerted, with childlike excitement he called his neighbors and family to come watch a once in a lifetime spectacular event.

    When his son told him that decades of his work was going up in smoke, Edison replied,"Thank God, all of our mistakes are erased and we can start anew."

    He did not panic, get depressed, or get back pain. He did not get mad or fire anyone. And get this: he was 67 years old. He did not give up and retire. He stayed excited about life and challenges ahead. Edison rebuilt his lab and continued to work until he was 84.

    Howdo most people react to such a disaster?

    How do most people react to much smaller problems?

    I believe Edison had instilled in himself day after day to get excited and stay excited no matter what happened until that was the way his subconscious reaction to problems worked. If we can do that day after day and train our mind the same way, we can expect to see amazing results in our health and our lives.
    Candy and jaumeb like this.
  14. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hello fredamir ,

    That sounds great and Edison was relieved to start new.. i can understand that and reacting positive on disaster is better than negative : BUT:
    I think for people with pain this is a whole other matter
    Loosing work and having the opportunity to put your energy in something new , is not the same as loosing your job, sleep, income, relationships etc etc due to pain / healthproblems.
    When your energy is drained just by getting through the day : you need more than just 'Some positive thinkin'
    Simply because of the fact you need a positive activity, project, job whatever (like Edison !) if that is not possible : than what
    You said : Edison did not get depressed or got backpain etc , Well people do : as you can read on this forum : so lucky Edison : but maybe it did not matter somuch to him ? Who knows ?
    I managed to put some joy back into my life, but i took so much more than 'positivity' maybe even backwards : it did not come from that but from pure desperation and the will to live a better life than that

  15. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts Karina.

    1. I absolutely understand your point about being consumed and drained by pain. My TMS symptoms included back, neck, shoulder, and knee pain. I had sciatica in both legs as well as pain and numbness in both arms and hands. I could barely walk or climb two steps or write two lines. I even had pain in my eyes all the way to spasms at the bottom of my feet. I was disabled and unable to work for months. I was in so much pain I had to keep my children from getting too close to me. My body had become a prison for my mind.

    2. I made the rounds and was seen by several doctors and specialists, including a well known surgeon who had treated NFL players. But my condition kept getting worse. There seemed to be no way out.

    3. I tried to keep a positive attitude but I felt like a victim and was filled with self-pity. To get excited in such a situation was out of the question. Of course, I was not aware of the power of not just thinking positive but truly feeling excited and enthusiastic about my situation and its impact on my condition until I learned about TMS.

    4. That's when I applied the same mental techniques Olympic athletes use to create excitement, enthusiasm, and motivation to affect their subconscious directly and win competitions. It led to a rapid and completely recovery that I explain in detail in Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain. I will be explaining my Nine-Step Rapid Recovery Plan and provide training during my next \free workshop by the same title on March 22. If you are interested visit fredamir.com.

    5. It was a few years later that I learned about Edison's reaction to facing problems with excitement and enthusiasm and once I developed the three steps to create that in myself and taught it to others I saw amazing results in all aspects of one's life.

    Here are some examples of people I have taught these steps to:

    A. One client with back, leg, and knee pain who was in a wheelchair for six months and extremely anxious and depressed, applied these steps combined with my Rapid Recovery Plan and after four sessions he was hiking, biking, and playing with his children.

    B. Another one with marital issues with back pain and sciatica went from barely swimming 20 laps to swimming 100 laps in one month pain-free and a happier marriage.

    Since you mentioned financial issues:

    C. One participant in my "Live Pain-Free and Achieve Optimum Health" was offered a job after three years of unemployment at age 57. Why? because he learned to get excited and stay excited despite his unemployment. When we do so, we attract to ourselves positive people, opportunities, and circumstances. and amazing things can happen.

    D. One of my clients who lost her job continued to stay excited and two weeks one of her relative who heard about it gave her $30,000 to start her own business.

    E. Another client in Silicon Valley whose rent increased by $700 a month applied the three-step continuously and in three months he had the down payment to buy a house.

    F. Another client who was fired from a company he co-founded won the admiration of everyone around him for staying positive and instead of going into depression as he used to before and started another company and thrived.

    Last Saturday I taught a free workshop mentioned on this forum on how to turn problems into energy and excitement in three easy steps and conquer stress, worry, and anxiety. I wish you had attended it. I have a podcast by the same title. It is also included in my online course curriculum.

    So it is possible despite the difficulties we experience to live a full life.

    Take care,
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2017
  16. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Although the subconscious approach can jump start recovery, it is not a panacea. It will require applying the strategies consistently day after day and not giving up easily. However, when it is done in this manner it can give amazing results fast. As you can see in the case of Rachel Bowen, a fitness instructor from Buford, Georgia:

    “Fast Track to Rapid Recovery [coaching program] is amazing. As a fitness instructor back, hip, and leg pain limited my activities. The pain and burning sensation were so bad that at one point I rushed to the emergency room for treatment. I also suffered for twenty years from anxiety disorder. You can imagine how hard it was to live with all that anxiety and pain. Fred helped me to get rid of my symptoms quickly. In fact, I noticed significant improvements the next day. Now I am pain-free, sleep better, have tons more energy and once again am teaching all my classes, including kickboxing. Thanks, Fred.”

    Or Gretchen Vladmirov, a registered nurse from Austin, Texas, who had a difficult moving on due to her preocccupation with pain and self-pity.

    "Thanks to Fred's Rapid Recovery Plan and coaching, I've been able to overcome most of my pain and move on with my life. I'm an active mom with 2 young kids and was constantly focused on my pain, day and night. Fred showed me how to design my recovery plan and stay motivated and excited in my recovery and in my life. That led me away from my preoccupation with pain and self-pity. This further allowed more energy to be the mom I want to be and that's invaluable! Thank you, Fred!!!"

    So do not give up.

Share This Page