I'M HAVING A GALL BLADDER ATTACK

or is it TMS?

It started after my best friend's rollerskating birthday party. I felt very sad the next day. I saw some old friends I'm not sure if I will see again and when. Whenever I feel sad or any feeling I try to stay with it. I find it will work itself out if I face it head on. The sadness was coupled by feelings of intense embarrassment because I also forgot to pay for myself (& my best friend) before I left our after party dinner. Oh golly. I don't think I've ever in my life --walked out of a restaurant and not paid? I literally forgot. Overwhelmed by old friends I haven't seen in 15 years, surrounded by rollerskating children falling in front me, & fighting a cold are perhaps to blame.

The feeling inside is a squishy yucky ache. My only explanation was eating too much ice cream the next day. A catalyst, but is it really the culprit? Either way all I've had today is juice and Tea.

Aging is so demonized in our culture and the elderly so marginalized. I realize I also have al lot of feelings that come up even on other people's birthdays.

I just got back from the store where I carried 65 pounds of groceries 4 blocks. 5 years ago I couldn't lift my laptop off my desk. I couldn't go grocery shopping or do my laundry in that way or even carry a purse. Now my back and legs feel limber and strong, happy, and healthy so I know how convincing TMS can be.

It feels good to write it all down.


Miss Lexy Lucy

 

Good work Miss Lexy Lucy...

 

Thanks. I am doing great. My pain was an 8.5 yesterday and after this post and some serious "letting the pain sink in" I am down to a 3.5 or 4 today. Yay!!

I realize what set me off in addition to everything above was the last epic finale of the hunger games series saga. How could President Snow do that to his own people? Oh but he didn't. And why didn't Gale show up and explain himself. I thought he was a keeper for sure. Haha!

Sometimes it's just a stab in the dark!

Miss L.L.

 

Pain down to a 2 now. I am feeling a little anxiety. I notice as the pain starts to dissipate I am now more in touch with my emotions. For me what often comes up is a general feeling of uncertainty: what is going to happen about this or that. I made some career moves yesterday that I feel excited about but were also exposing. Any time we truly share ourselves out there in the world we are vulnerable.

ps. SORRY FOR THE SPOILER ABOVE

Cheers,
Miss LL

 

Yes. We are vulnerable, and maybe more important for most of us, we feel vulnerable...

 

Do you mean because we are TMS-ers we should pay attention and try to check in with our feelings so we don't allow ourselves to get overwhelmed or allow our subconscious to take over and create physical symptoms-----Or do you mean we are not really so vulnerable - because we are strong - but we just feel that way?

Both are helpful :0)

Yes, I have decided to be more open in my life: artistically, musically, & spiritually. I am talking more and sharing my feelings more. Asking for what I need more. Going with the flow of life more, receiving...letting in more. Its fun to explore

All of this takes courage but "cour" as in the latin root means "from the heart." Living from the heart, as Brene Brown teaches. It feels good. I realize the fear I have is often about things that have already happened in my life.

And also I do feel I am stronger right now. I watch myself bounce back all of the time.

LL

 

I meant that it take courage to be ourselves because it can feel so vulnerable. So yes, both: we are vulnerable to the response of others, and I think more importantly in my experience we feel very vulnerable. I am recognizing and encouraging empathy for the feeling of vulnerability and attendant fear.

I had forgotten that root-word meaning. Thank you.

 

aaahhh attending to our feelings, right