It’s been a couple weeks since my tms in the form of back pain and migraines have really reemerged and started flaring up again, and I’ve really just about had enough of it. I just don’t understand. Up until than, I have been doing pretty darn good at keeping pain symptoms under control. I understand generally the reasons for the pain coming back initially, I was under a great deal of stress and was very conflicted inside. Being isolated and not having friends or support was causing a lot of internal rage. but those problems have mostly been resolved by now. In fact, the last couple of days have been GREAT. I’m just now connecting with some great people, my social life is beginning to get better, and I do not feel so alone. I feel a lot more hope there. but the pain hasn’t lessoned at all. I’ve been VERY patient about it, knowing that this happens sometimes and that’s its just TMS it’s nothing to worry about and will go away soon. But. It. Just. Won’t. LEAVE. This just feels stupid and needless. My brain for some reason just will not give up it’s pain strategy, and I absolutely hate it for that. I’ve pretty much given up being calm about it a few days ago and have been chewing up my brain constantly telling it to cut the shit and quit giving me problems. I normally feel empowered against the TMS. But The longer and longer I go with no improvement, the more and more powerless I feel I am over it. I start feeling like a total victim again. I even catch myself sometimes panicking inside, thinking maybe this time I’ve really lost control of it and it’s just not going to end. It’s ridiculous thinking of course because I’ve faced this many many times by now and have gotten out of it many times. But you see no results over an extended period of time, it starts to get you down. Especially when you’ve been better at dealing with it in the past and that seems to no longer be the case. I’ve been doing meditations with no luck. I’m getting almost nonstop back pain throughout the day, followed by, oh goody, back pain AND migraines in the evening and night. Something is obviously really really wrong for my brain to see the need to serve me up two major pain symptoms at once. I’m finally starting to realize the reasons that some of the symptoms are taking place at particular times. I keep getting migraines mostly at night and there are some issues going on in my mind that are bothering me that seem routine for me at that particular time of day. I’m definitely feeling some guilt and am acknowledging it and trying to work on it. Even though socially speaking, I am making some great strides, it’s still really difficult for me to be outgoing and putting myself out there still is causing a great deal of anxiety for me. I worry a lot what others think of me and I’ve finally decided to change some of my thinking for the better and stop assuming things about other people and not take things personally. I can’t help but wonder if I’m simply repressing those thoughts. Not sure what else I can do. I’m all out of ideas.