If you are reading this, You are going to die

Baseball65

Baseball65

Beloved Grand Eagle
In spite of the many comments I do make on this board, I read and pass on many, many more...... The context of the sufferer's dilemma presumes some sort of perfect, unscathed existence.

I was perusing a regular returning sufferer's post this morning when It occurred to me that one of the breakthrough things that disabled a lot my anxiety and subsequent TMS symptoms, is getting OK with dying. You could take the best care of yourself available, get MRI'd every morning before breakfast and have your own private MD at your side.... and your still gonna die. That's it. Just ask Michael Jackson

Everybody dies. NOT everybody lives. Sarno pointed towards living...

Part of the Hypochondria , OCD, Anxiety that TMS symptoms give us is "Oh God... what did I fuck up now?....I'm gonna Die!"

Banged head "Oh no.... I have a concussion"
Sore arm "Oh no.... I have a torn ligament"
creaky hip "Oh No... I have arthritis"

So our brain, in it's alleged quest to keep us well, is actually destroying and stealing our LIFE from us minute by minute, using fear of some bogeyman that ultimately isn't there. I am not saying this from some privileged reference frame. I am SCREAMING this from the past experience of a fellow sufferer who doesn't want you to lose your life worrying about preserving it. Part of life involves some natural wear and tear. I have a lot of scars. I am missing a few teeth. I walk funny. My Face is fucked up... it's OK!

It's NOT your life anyways... it was given to you.... either by Your parents and ancestors, if your of the scientific persuasion, or By GOD if your like me and of the seeking persuasion...regardless, the whole thought of 'MY life' is what has you worried about 'MY pain' or My Toe' or 'My TMS'.... You GET to be here. The carpenter told us "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand"... That means right now. Not in some future somewhere that I may or may not get to.

Our modern snowflake theory taught us that each one of us is so very precious. Remember Sarno pointing out that certain Native american tribes have no pronoun for "I" ? As social media, advertising and our culture gets so 'me' oriented, we have more and more peculiar symptoms, and obsessions about old ones that have made ourselves miserable. We spend minutes that turn to hours micro-inspecting how we feel, and our life is running like water through a sieve... You haven't even lived and your afraid of dying>? You are already dead. Sartre is giggling at you.

I am the high priest of "Get that anger out on the floor and dance with it!", but I have omitted a huge part of staying free of TMS. When I have nothing to pray for, or about, I am constantly making lists of Bitchin' things in my life that I am grateful for. My Sons... My ability to play an instrument... My Friends,... Dr. Sarno... books.... ability to think and support myself....you guys.... my work... my boss.... food in my fridge...all of the life I have gotten to live up to this very moment.

When that stuff begins to flood my mind, I don't have a lot of spare attention for 'how does my leg feel?' or worse "How do I feel?"..... I got free of that checking and rechecking via the tools we all have here and I can just enjoy doing laps around the inner solar system with the other passengers. If it ends today, it's been a hell of a ride.....

You are not special or important. Neither am I. Thank GOD.

now go out and enjoy the gift.

peace
 
So well said, @Baseball65 !

It is unfortunate that our culture breeds narcissicism and narcissists. We are groomed to take ourselves always seriously, but never with a sense of humor or humility. We are groomed to believe that world must revolve around us and our well-being, and that every pain must be immediately attended to by no less than a doctor.

Just to put it in a perspective: Sun is a speckle in the Cosmos, planet Earth is a speckle revolving around Sun, each one of us is a speckle being here on Earth for a split second....
 
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Years ago, I heard Reynolds Price (a poet) read an essay about his mother who, on her deathbed, said to him, "I have only regretted my economies." I've always remembered that. I'm a frugal person, but there are kinds of risks worth taking, times not to hold back or "preserve." I've heard, at base, we have just two emotions--love and fear--and love, so often, would have us forgo our economies and take brazen risks. When I absolutely don't know what to do sometimes I ask myself, What is the love in me saying? What is the fear saying? Yeah, a good post. It's a gift to be called into the gritty present, to get awakened (once more) to what is beautiful and alive right now, just now. Thanks!
 
I have a friend who is in her late 70's. Her mentally ill son lived with her for the last decade and she supported him, did everything to make his life okay. One day he committed suicide in her house and she came home from an evening out to find him dead.
You would think that would have made her crumble, but she didn't.
After a few weeks, she was smiling and participating the way she always had.
I asked her, "How are facing each day?"
She said, "Life moves in the direction of happiness."

She's right. She's wise. We only need to allow for it.

Thanks for your great post Baseball. I think many of us look to your wisdom. I know I do.
 
MWsunin12 said:
She said, "Life moves in the direction of happiness."
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Part of my TMS recovery was having to look at deeper and deeper truths. The reason that our mindbody tried to protect us from them is that THEY SUCK. Bad Relationships, crappy nowhere jobs, Painful embarrassing experiences, terrible financial dilemma's....as I turn my attention towards them, I render the pain and distraction useless and it leaves.

OK.. now i am free of pain, but I am in a world of SUCK!

I read Eckhart Tolle's explanation of the subtlety of the Ego.

"I am Broke" is drama and from the ego..... "I have 50 cents in my bank account" is the truth and empowering.

So I reviewed all of that list of TMS makers. All of the Adjectives belong to ME. Bad, crappy nowhere, painful ,embarrassing, terrible . Those are all MY viewpoint and subjective. They are not true.... just how I feel about it. Feelings are NOT real. They don't point to any truths EXCEPT about ME. I am Bad, crappy,nowhere,embarrassing, terrible...

Whenever TMS starts to get a toe in me , I do some review and reflection. Those feelings will guide me to the truth the way a horrible smell will guide you to a turd. Most of the time I realize that the feeling is me "kicking against the pricks"..... the tantrum throwing 6 year old doesn't like the experience he is having.

Following a lifetime of trying to change it to no avail, I stopped and just let it be....and a peace arises that might be called 'happiness' But it is not the opposite of 'sad'. It's deeper than that... "The peace that passes all understanding" is what St Paul called it.

To anybody new, you have got to go turd hunting... the stench will guide you to...YOU! Then you can decide to clean it up or cry over it, but your TMS will subside. You won't need it anymore

As MWsunin12 friend points out life does point towards happiness. I am happy. All of the drama and pain and bullshit is actually the pathway out of the shit. I am Covered in turd, but just like my Dog, I am loving it!
 
MWsunin12 said:
I have a friend who is in her late 70's. Her mentally ill son lived with her for the last decade and she supported him, did everything to make his life okay. One day he committed suicide in her house and she came home from an evening out to find him dead.
You would think that would have made her crumble, but she didn't.
After a few weeks, she was smiling and participating the way she always had.
I asked her, "How are facing each day?"
She said, "Life moves in the direction of happiness."

She's right. She's wise. We only need to allow for it.

Thanks for your great post Baseball. I think many of us look to your wisdom. I know I do.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
 
Baseball65 said:
Part of my TMS recovery was having to look at deeper and deeper truths. The reason that our mindbody tried to protect us from them is that THEY SUCK. Bad Relationships, crappy nowhere jobs, Painful embarrassing experiences, terrible financial dilemma's....as I turn my attention towards them, I render the pain and distraction useless and it leaves.

OK.. now i am free of pain, but I am in a world of SUCK!

I read Eckhart Tolle's explanation of the subtlety of the Ego.

"I am Broke" is drama and from the ego..... "I have 50 cents in my bank account" is the truth and empowering.

So I reviewed all of that list of TMS makers. All of the Adjectives belong to ME. Bad, crappy nowhere, painful ,embarrassing, terrible . Those are all MY viewpoint and subjective. They are not true.... just how I feel about it. Feelings are NOT real. They don't point to any truths EXCEPT about ME. I am Bad, crappy,nowhere,embarrassing, terrible...

Whenever TMS starts to get a toe in me , I do some review and reflection. Those feelings will guide me to the truth the way a horrible smell will guide you to a turd. Most of the time I realize that the feeling is me "kicking against the pricks"..... the tantrum throwing 6 year old doesn't like the experience he is having.

Following a lifetime of trying to change it to no avail, I stopped and just let it be....and a peace arises that might be called 'happiness' But it is not the opposite of 'sad'. It's deeper than that... "The peace that passes all understanding" is what St Paul called it.

To anybody new, you have got to go turd hunting... the stench will guide you to...YOU! Then you can decide to clean it up or cry over it, but your TMS will subside. You won't need it anymore

As MWsunin12 friend points out life does point towards happiness. I am happy. All of the drama and pain and bullshit is actually the pathway out of the shit. I am Covered in turd, but just like my Dog, I am loving it!
Click to expand...

I find all of this so helpful to hear as an elaboration on the mind(body)-set that produced that older woman's life view reported by MWSunin12. As I grow older I look more and more toward people like that older woman who find a way to live in peace even after experiencing great suffering and loss. I've worked with refugees who have made gold of their suffering. Their lives are breathtaking. I remember once sitting in the presence of a Native American woman who was a respected elder in her tribe. I was helping a friend prepare for a ceremony following some violence in his life. She had that deep and no-nonsense peace of somebody who understood pain and loss and knew how to take it in as a part of a far vaster picture. Her simple presence showed me to myself: it was as if she were giving off a light that exposed the full length of my grotesque "ego"" shadow. So I need to hear this stuff over and over. It's where I want to go, burning up my own shadow energy. Gratitude for this instruction.
 
I agree with jimmylaw9. Baseball, you should write a book. You always have a way with words, a flow! I love your posts.

To the matter at hand, what jumps out at me in your post is your experience of gratitude. I have friend I've helped with TMS ---long-standing symptoms, decades. Now she's so much better. What helped her was contemplating gratitude, every day.

And she's a no-nonsense person, not taken to mooning positive thoughts, BSing herself about her real experience, which is often difficult. No. But she told me that even as bad as things seem sometimes, she could find real things she really appreciated. She turns her attention there, recognizing their reality in her life. Simple things sometimes, deep things other times...

I notice that gratitude imparts a sense of safety --and connection, that we're part of the whole. Another word is "support." Supported by the whole.

And, what better medicine for all of us than gratitude? Safety? Connection? Support... We are given so much. I feel good when I remember this.

Thanks for the reminders about what is important in life, Baseball65~
 
Andy Bayliss said:
I agree with jimmylaw9. Baseball, you should write a book. You always have a way with words, a flow! I love your posts.
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I absolutely agree! A little while back I started reading Baseball65's old postings from before I became a member of this forum and I've also been going through some of my favourite Baseball65's postings from since I joined, extracting from all of them what particularly speaks to me, so that collectively I can refer to them more easily. Symptoms-wise I am better than I was, but I'm far from fully recovered. I think though, that it will either be a combination of what @Baseball65 has said or maybe one or two poignant things that he's shared - or will say/explain in the future - that will finally clinch things for me. On an 'intellectual' level, I understand what's going on but, for some reason, my understanding isn't penetrating deep enough into my mind/brain to stop my symptoms. I believe part of the problem is that, although I realise that I need to accept the things that I don't like that I cannot change, I still rail against them. I think I need hitting over the head with Baseball65's baseball bat on a daily basis, so a book by him would be ****** marvellous!
 
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BloodMoon said:
Symptoms-wise I am better than I was, but I'm far from fully recovered. I think though, that it will either be a combination of what @Baseball65 has said or maybe one or two poignant things that he's shared - or will say/explain in the future - that will finally clinch things for me. On an 'intellectual' level, I understand what's going on but, for some reason, my understanding isn't penetrating deep enough into my mind/brain to stop my symptoms.
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I can relate to your post here, both your appreciation for Baseball's insights and your own description of where you are in working your way through TMS. I wish I were a "book cure" type but I appear to be on a longer path. I keep learning but I lose the thread; the pains comes on, and I can't shake it. Actually, it recedes at times but then returns. Takes effort to embrace a positive view, to stay clear of fear and depression when that's the forest I'm standing in. Just viewed a post (on joy) about a young, vibrant woman with Cystic Fibrosis. Getting to joy while suffering, that's something I'm working on and nowhere near grasping that yet. So a work in progress. Good to see your working away at it, too. And good to see people on this forum in all different places along their way, putting themselves out there. Best to you.
 
My nephew died from a massive heart attack this week. In front of his three children, no less. It has been devastating on so many levels. But at his memorial service yesterday an amazing thing happened. He was a vocal agnostic born into a family with deep religious roots. In fact, his father is a pastor. Still, for a brief span of time we all came together to celebrate his life. As I looked around the room there were people of differing ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious belief, and cultural background. However, all those differences were put aside to celebrate a life that touched us and made us better humans. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that for a brief amount of time his life blessed mine and I hope I blessed his. Thank you for this reminder Baseball65. As usual, your posts are just what I needed... when I needed.
 
HattieNC said:
My nephew died from a massive heart attack this week. In front of his three children, no less. It has been devastating on so many levels. But at his memorial service yesterday an amazing thing happened. He was a vocal agnostic born into a family with deep religious roots. In fact, his father is a pastor. Still, for a brief span of time we all came together to celebrate his life. As I looked around the room there were people of differing ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious belief, and cultural background. However, all those differences were put aside to celebrate a life that touched us and made us better humans. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that for a brief amount of time his life blessed mine and I hope I blessed his. Thank you for this reminder Baseball65. As usual, your posts are just what I needed... when I needed.
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Hattie, I am so sorry about your family's tragic loss. I am deeply moved by your post. Even in a terrible tragedy, you found something uplifting about the people around you - and that is what keeps us going.

Sending you love,

TG
 
HattieNC said:
My nephew died from a massive heart attack this week. In front of his three children, no less. It has been devastating on so many levels. But at his memorial service yesterday an amazing thing happened. He was a vocal agnostic born into a family with deep religious roots. In fact, his father is a pastor. Still, for a brief span of time we all came together to celebrate his life. As I looked around the room there were people of differing ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious belief, and cultural background. However, all those differences were put aside to celebrate a life that touched us and made us better humans. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that for a brief amount of time his life blessed mine and I hope I blessed his. Thank you for this reminder Baseball65. As usual, your posts are just what I needed... when I needed.
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Much love to you sweetheart.
As @TG957 poignantly says, thank you for bringing the soft touch of beauty to sorrow. Bless you and the family of your nephew.
 
HattieNC said:
vocal agnostic
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My entire Family ... Rabid , Mean, Atheists.

I have found that God doesn't care if we believe in him or not. He loves us all the same. I always wonder how my Atheist, Ivy League parents felt when they became a part of the all and the light and realized they were never alone and never would be and there is nothing they could do to lose Grace?

In the proximity of God and Death, all of my foolish idea's are revealed as such... and immediately forgiven.

HattieNC said:
However, all those differences were put aside to celebrate a life that touched us and made us better humans
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The differences might have been all in our head....like TMS
 
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