Donavanf you are very thoughtful and reflective. This is likely a strength for you in life.
Sometimes my brain does things like that ... I get caught up in my deep thoughts. In my experience, it makes me feel like I enter a maze that keeps me from finding what I need or resolving what I was hoping to resolve. I used to entertain those thoughts, and don't any more. Personally (and I could be way off here, but I'm giving it a shot in case it helps you), my gut tells me that this could be your brain throwing you a speed bump, keeping you from furthering your recovery. I used to suffer from depression and although it was horrible, there was a part in my brain that was seduced by the idea that it was "part of me" or "mine" and ending it was ending part of my personality. I tell you, now that I'm far away from those days of depression, I think, boy oh boy my brain sure likes to play games! It's like a seductive siren leading us in the wrong direction, telling us that if we fix this issue we might just lose parts of ourselves. I say laugh at that idea. If it were a cat, I would spray it with a water bottle! If I could spray my brain with a water bottle to startle it out of tempting thoughts that keep me from happiness or being pain free, I would! I really hope this helps.
