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I think I might have TMS

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Lz123, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Update:
    When I woke up, my shoulder felt..cold. I can't desribe the sensation exactly, but I'm assuming my body did not like the ordeal it went through yesterday. Idk, I'll continue this gym thing very carefully. I am currently stressed out, anxious, underslept and I just want life to fast forward to next week....Kinda feel purposeless atm. I can't move on with my life until the pain is gone and yet I don't feel the need to obsess over the pain anymore. I guess this kinda left a vacuum. I am usually a goal oriented person and I've no goals right now. Feels empty man.

    Btw. I know it's a bit weird and unorthodox to spam your own thread so much, but I'm using it to show other potential TMS sufferers my journey in hopefully resolving this thing. When I browsed the forums I just found either success stories or the beginnings..there was no middle part which, I think, is also helpful.
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  2. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    I just had a panic attack. This is related to some personal stuff I'd rather not share...I'm fine now
     
  3. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Lz,

    If panic is one of your symptoms, or is a new one, I suggest any of Claire Weekes books, her books are amazing! I find her helpful with outcome independence from pain also. You can also listen to her, just Google it. She has some interviews and also reading of her books.

    Lizzy
     
    Sofa likes this.
  4. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Lizzy,

    I'll check her out :) Panic usually isn't my symptom, this is entirely related to a separation I just had to endure.. I guess I'm really bad at those. I just need a few days to get my head straight and I'll be ok. Thanks for replying
     
  5. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Updaterino:
    Went to gym again. Elbows have been sore yesterday because I've been under stress, I'm overworked, underslept and I've been messing around a lot on a new laptop I got. Not to mention the whole panic attack thing a few days ago which is probably the most important stressor right now lol. Elbows are burning now, but it's not that bad. One thing I've noticed is immediately upon exiting the gym I've just been waiting for the next onset of pain. I can't stop my thoughts going to my elbows or shoulder and envisioning getting hurt even more. We'll see how it goes
     
  6. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Update:
    My shoulder is fine today, despite training in the gym. My elbows are sore still. It's an annoying, burning sensation. I've done a followup with an orthopedic surgeon today and he recommended shockwave therapy. Idk what to do. On one hand, this is taking the structural approach. On the other hand, It might help and I've got a new job lined up and I'm worried about the pain. I don't know what to do at this point.

    The doctor says you can usually see tendonitis on MRI - you can't see it on mine. He also says that, besides the burning pain in my tendons, I show minimal clinical signs of tendonitis. Idk. I really want this to be TMS and there are a lot of signs pointing towards it, but there are also a lot of things pointing towards this being a structural thing. Or well, it behaves like a structural thing, there are very little actual signs besides pain.
     
  7. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Just a thought.
    The doctor is trained to treat you structurally, he doesn't know any other way. However, even he said that the evidence doesn't add up to being structural. When things don't add up, its TMS. Over the years the doctors who know about TMS have seen again and again that there is no other answer.
     
    Free of Fear likes this.
  8. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    True. Also this thing has been bugging me for a year or so, it should have healed already. Thanks :)
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  9. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Update:
    I had the interview today. I think I did fairly well. The pain is still strong and I'm finding it really hard to convince myself it's TMS. Outcome independence has gone out the window for me, I'm afraid :( I guess this might be one of those swansong flare ups I read about?
     
  10. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Update: just gonna ramble a bit below

    This week my elbow pain has been pretty bad. It's been a pretty stresfull week, no doubt about that, but I've also been a bit brave and stupid and used my arms too much. I just can't except that the pain is fully psychosomatic no matter how hard I try because there's always a structural explanation and reason, despite there also being plenty of signs that it could, in fact, be TMS. I can't say 100% that my arms would hurt this much if i hadn't gone to the gym or typed a lot. I really want this to be TMS, but I find it hard to fully accept the diagnosis simply because whenever I gain the courage the do something I'm afraid of doing - the pain bites back hard. I don't know how to proceed from here. On one hand, all the signs point toward TMS and surgery, while being a quick fix, can just make matters worse. On the other hand..the pain is consistent. It acts as it should and when it flares up it hurts like hell. I'm scared to get a better job, I can't move on with my life until I resolve this. Idk, on one level, I think the purpose of the pain might be to simply preserve my self image. The idea "I don't deserve a better job" certainly resonates with me on some level.

    This whole thing is really frustrating. It really pisses me off how people my age can just go out there and get any job they want without worrying about their health while I'm stuck here dealing with this bullshit for the better part of two years and how there's no real solution or resolution or whatever you call it in sight. I just want my life back. I just want the ability to do what I want back. I'm so tired of being in pain and I'm tired of people not understanding what it's like to have something ache every single day for years and how much it limits you and how much mental energy it sucks from you every single day.


    Sorry for the rant, i'm just really frustrated with this right now
     
    cdub likes this.
  11. Free of Fear

    Free of Fear Well known member

    Hey there, I'm sorry to hear how hard of a week it has been (not to mention the past few years). And I can imagine how it's more difficult to accept that it's TMS when the pain follows a clear pattern that conforms to structural explanations. One point though: just because the pain increases after activity does not mean it's a structural issue, or that it's not TMS. TMS changes the body (whether it's oxygen deprivation, muscle tension, trigger points, inflammation, increased sensitization, etc.) and how the body reacts to activity. So, pain biting back hard is part of TMS too.

    Also, I read some of your earlier posts, and the pain you've experienced doesn't sound consistent (at least from what you wrote!). You wrote about playing video games for hours and, despite being in pain, the pain didn't get worse. You also typed for two hours and the pain was negligible. So, the pain doesn't "act like it should." I'm saying all of this not to disagree with *you* so much as disagree with the faulty thinking we can fall into when exhausted by our symptoms. It's hard to see reality when we're living this hell.

    Believing that the symptoms are emotionally-driven is the big challenge. If you want to call it TMS, call it that; if you want to call it MBS, call it that. It all boils down to believing that there's nothing wrong with you (as your doctors confirmed!). You have a wonderful body.

    Here are a few passages that come to mind. Maybe they will be of some use to you. The first is from another forum member (I don't remember who), and the second and third are from Claire Weekes.

    "It really comes down to two things in my opinion: 1. Belief in TMS 2. Patience. The belief in TMS is the closest thing to a silver bullet I've discovered when it comes to pain, because it really reduces fear which in turn reduces pain over time. Patience allows the belief to do its work."

    “"It takes time for a body to establish acceptance [of TMS] as a mood and for this eventually to bring peace just as it took time for fear to become established as continuous tension and anxiety. That is why 'letting time pass' is such an important part of your treatment and why I shall emphasize it again and again. Time is the answer. But there must be that background of true acceptance while waiting for time to pass."

    “Never be complete discouraged by apparent failure. However severely you may seem to fail on occasions, failure is only as severe as you will let it be. The decision to accept and carry on turns the worst failure into success. There is no ‘point of no return’ in [TMS]. A day of deep despair can be followed by a day of hope, and just when you think you are at your worst you can turn the corner to recovery. Your emotions are so variable in breakdown, try not to be too impressed by your unhappy moods, and never be complete discouraged.”

    Wishing you well
     
    cdub, BloodMoon, Time2be and 2 others like this.
  12. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    True. I realized this a few hours after writing my post. Regardless of the cause, I am still focused on my pain so I am playing right into it. I need to step back and reassess the situation. October should be peaceful for me so I'll have time to relax thankfully :)

    Ain't it the truth?

    I think my rushing things, the recent stressors and the visit to the doc who mentioned surgery jut made things confusing. I think, for now, some stability is in order. Thanks for replying :)
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  13. westb

    westb Well known member

    These are such good quotes. Thank you for putting them up again.
     
    Coffeeplease likes this.
  14. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Wonderful quotes! I will print them and have them ready to read every time I get unpatient and doubtful. Lz123@, from what I read I get the impression that you focus on physical signs. I know that myself. These signs doesn’t mean a lot, unfortunately. It’s because of the focus that they start to be meaningful.
     
    Lz123 and Lizzy like this.
  15. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Thanks everyone for the support :) I'll keep you posted about my status, currently rereading SteveO
     
    Lizzy likes this.
  16. fluffymugnaini

    fluffymugnaini New Member

    Oof I can relate to this on every level. Feeling stuck in my pain when my friends get to go on with their life and careers so easily. Sometimes I'll be on the tube and look at strangers opposite me and just be like 'you're so lucky. I bet you don't realise how lucky you are to not feel sick every minute of every day.' And, like you, sometimes I think that maybe the TMS is with me because it's easier to say 'well, I didn't succeed because I wasn't physically able' rather than 'I didn't succeed because I wasn't good enough.' But these are just thoughts that now I notice, and then I let them float away. I try to, at least.

    I'm doing the program. I think it's helping. It's definitely giving me new ways to think about the pain when it really peaks. But then again I am still having tests done (through the NHS) but truly I never believe that anything will show. So far it hasn't and I'm ok with that. Every test that comes back saying I'm perfectly healthy is another nod to TMS, although I still have my doubts.

    Keep going. I really relate to what you're going through
     
    Lz123 likes this.
  17. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    I think this might be very common.


    I've decided, for now, to back off the activities that are causing me pain. I'm not in the mood to experiment right now. I'll be back at it when my pain subsides
     
    fluffymugnaini likes this.
  18. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Ok guys sorry for spamming but something just occured to me. These are my thoughts on September 22nd for the past few years:

    Sept 22nd 2012. - my back hurts
    Sept 22nd 2013. - my back hurts like hell
    Sept 22nd 2014. - i might be overworked but at least I don't have time to think about how life sucks (I'm not making this up)
    Sept 22nd 2015. - my shoulder hurts
    Sept 22nd 2016. - anxiety plus knee and hip pain
    Sept 22nd 2017. - my elbows and forearms hurt
    Sept 22nd 2018. - my elbows hurt like hell

    It just occured to me that I've had random pains for the past 6 years. The worst was my back and this current affliction. Just thought I'd share. I mean..it's kinda spooky tbh

    Edit: sept 2017. I also experienced very bad bilateral knee pain in addition to arm pain. I could barely walk. It went away after about a month after I had just decided to walk it off. Idk. I wish this elbow thing was as easy to walk off :/

    Edit 2: to clarify, I don't mean that sept 22 is somehow important. It's just that for the past 6 years and possibly even more, I've had these random pains which I can correlate to stressful periods/events or even just an imbalanced rage/sooth ratio
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
  19. Lz123

    Lz123 Peer Supporter

    Update:

    I did my first session of shockwave therapy. They did an ultrasound of my elbow considering how strange my symptoms are. My tendon is a bit irritated, but it's "homogenous", meaning there's no real damage. Idk. The guy pretty much told me when we finish the shockwave thing, he'll write me an exercise program to strengthen my upper back which should not affect my elbows that much. I'm kinda torn right now. I mean, it's obvious the pain is not proportional to the amount of structural findings. As i said, when my elbows hurt, they hurt like hell, but hey structurally i just have some surface irritation (and also a calcium deposit). Idk guys.

    I mean, TMS does fit. I do have a lot of personality traits, my history, heck I'd be surprised if I didn't TMS at some point in my life. But this jut kinda seems like it's muscular imbalance..idk.
     
  20. NameK

    NameK Well known member

    I am in a similar situation except for me it's back pain and it's only been for about 7 months I saw serval doctors for symptoms of chronic pelvic pain back pain etc. I got x rays. An ultrasound,a cystoscopy (not fun ) everything came back clear.

    My doctor and therapist has both told me its pshyosomatic aka anxiety related pshyical symptoms.

    It took me some time to accept it especially since when I was going to pshyio hey said oh its probably a muscle imbalance etc. Bad posture etc. But then I realized I know people that sit more then I do and have worse posture. How come I'm in pain and they aren't?

    Also my pain in the last year or so had moved around from my foot to my knee ,hip lower back and middle upper back (where it currently is)

    I didn't really so anything to injure it besides a small fall in February but that was months ago.

    My doctor even said for someone your age youve been investigated alot and there is nothing wrong with you.

    So now I'm trying to be patient trying to relax and enjoy the things I love doing (playing video games ,basketball,working out ) despite how much pain I'm in.

    Funny enough mine also started around the time I was supposed to get a promotion and it didn't fall through and the pain started I was thinking "will I be able to do this career (auto mechanic ) will it make my back worse , etc )

    I think that at the time made it worse and i think it's gotten alittle better since accepting it as pshyological the best I can and seeing a therapist who works with that sort of stuff .
     
    Free of Fear likes this.

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