Day 3 I realized a lot that I have repressed.

I figured I would add some of my repressed feelings and thoughts that I have uncovered as I go through this journey. I was bullied at the age of 6 by a girl I will call KD. She used to tell me I would be dead after school, I totally forgot all that. One time she was pretending to be my friend and I so desperately wanted to be liked ( I was a tiny child and people made fun of me) I went home with her only for her to laugh at me and tell me to find my way home alone. Her mom came out because she heard someone crying (me) and made KD take me back to school, where she again threatened to beat me up after school. KD moved in the 3rd grade. In grade 2, this boy SP bullied me and used to knock my books off my desk getting me in trouble. During 4th grade a girl called KS used to bully me and take my hat. When she didn't give it back and I went home without it, my mom beat me. I can't believe how much of this I forgot.

Among other things my husband can be mean sometimes, my sister and her troubles mount, no wonder my body is sending pain to my ankle. It's good to have a place to vent. I was pain free for a couple of days and my sister and I got into a horrible fight. She expects me to pay for things because she messed up her life. She doesn't have a good job, one that will at least let her keep the house. She re-mortgaged our family home and she's constantly asking me to pay for her oil, her mortgage, etc. I can't do it. I have my own house to heat and pay my mortgage. It's ridiculous. Her boyfriend is trying to help her but can't because his business is suffering. It's never ending.

I also got angry at a friend because she was harping on going to the movies this weekend and I really wanted to wait until next week or the week after. I caved and bought the tickets. My rage must be stuck in my pschye. I know this is repressed anger I have to let it out. I actually went to the gym and did 15 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes on the eliptical. Something I haven't done since my whole ankle drama started. I've got to re-read the John Sarno's book and get my rage out.

Thanks for listening.

 

Dear aces0730,

Thank you for shearing.
Looks like you went throu a lot... So sorry to read about your hard time at school, but in the other side it's good that you discovered deeply hidden memories form your psyche.

Keep going with your journey. You're doing great. I know that going throu SEP is very hard and sometimes devastating. But since I've finished it, I much better so keep going.

If you want some recommendations, meditation with Deepa and Oprah was helpful for me (you can find online). And most of help still domes from book the great pain deception by Steven Ray Ozanich. I take the book with me every where.

Take care and good luck.

 

Hi, aces. I too am sorry you are in pain and have problems with your sister. That must cause your ankle pain.
Your sister sounds like she is depending more on you than on herself to solve her financial or other problems. You have your own, so do what you can but don't put yourself in jeopardy to help her.

Steve Ozanich's book is wonderful, especially for those wondering when to exercise again. It's great that you have gone to the gym again. Steve tells how he played golf despite the pain and how that helped heal him from multiple symptoms. But he also believed totally in TMS causing his pains and discovered his repressed angers.

Here's some advice on exercising that may help you.

Many people have been asking when to resume physical activity. It can be different for different people, and they may fear that activity can cause more pain. The following not only may be of interest to and apply to you, but it is good for everyone to read who wonders about when to resume physical activity and exercise:

Dr. Sarno says in his TMS book, THE MINDBODY PRESCRIPTION, "If the pain disappears but you are still fearful of physical activity, recurrent pain, injury and progressive degeneration of spinal elements, the battle has not yet been won. The pain will return unless you overcome those fears. So patients are advised to resume normal, unrestricted physical activity once the pain is gone, or nearly so, and when they feel confidence in the (TMS) diagnosis.

Don't worry if you exercise too soon and experience some pain. You cannot hurt yourself. Continuing pain with activity means the brain is still in the process of changing its programming (from thinking structural to thinking emotional causing the pain. Stay secure in the knowledge that you will prevail. This has proven to be the case for thousands of patients."

Dr. Scott Brady agrees, in his TMS book, PAIN FREE FOR LIFE, saying "Confidence is huge in the process of (TMS) recovery, and your subconscious knows it. So when you begin to engage in those activities and exercises you once did, you can expect the subconscious to turn up your symptoms in a last-ditch effort to keep you away from the dangerous emotions you've started to explore... emotions that the subconscious is trying so hard to protect. Be ready to fight with your subconscious mind!"

 

Hi Aces - Those are really valuable memories to have brought up - congratulations on the good work! Sad, though - bullying is so abusive, and you had no support from the one person who should have protected you.

And acknowledging the current rage-producers is just as valuable - and sometimes harder to do, because they involve the people we currently maintain relationships with.

I was also amazed at the things I uncovered and re-lived when I did the SEP and other work like guided meditations. I was also a small child (I was still being called "puny" into adolescence) and what I discovered is that I spent my youngest years feeling awkward and lonely and anxious, even though I had good parents and a secure home and several siblings.

I wish I had stronger memories, because it feels strange to have very little sense of who I actually was back then. But remembering our childhoods is probably not considered necessary (by our brains) for survival. And back in primitive times we didn't have to repress that stuff for too many years anyway - all we had to do was survive long enough to breed and raise the next generation.

Modern times, longer lives, and still we are dealing with these primitive brains...