I need to change my personality!!

[COgirl05]

I need help/ideas on how to let go of things, reduce stress and not be so high strung. I feel so high strung lately. I'm always stressed and irritated with my mom and my husband. They can't seem to do anything right. I feel angry at them and I've tried to explore it. I know certain things that make me angry about them, but it's still not happening. A couple weeks ago, I went to Las Vegas with my husband (just us 2) for the first time since my 2 year old was born and I felt great and had no pain! That lasted about 2 weeks and then it crept back in. I feel like I need to change my personality, but I have no idea how to do that! HELP!

I also have started seeing a psychologist. I've seen him one time and we're trying to work on the preoccupation part of my TMS. Since then, I've felt more anxious and the pain has wandered all over and gotten worse!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, COgirl. Did you gamble in Vegas? Gambling can be a curse, but maybe the concentration relaxed you.
Even just playing a slot machine.

Some people seem to like those penny auctions like dealdash.com. I'm not recommending it or any gambling,
even playing the lottery. Gambling can become as addictive as smoking, alcohol, or drugs.

Instead, I think making a list of what makes you feel anxious, stressed, or high strung would be better.
Then you are in the TMS healing process.

 

[COgirl05]

When I do fun things, I just relax and don't let little things bother me. I feel like a new person and love life. I feel upbeat and happy and had no pain. I don't know how to correlate those feelings to my life at home.

 

[Ellen]

When I do fun things, I just relax and don't let little things bother me. I feel like a new person and love life. I feel upbeat and happy and had no pain. I don't know how to correlate those feelings to my life at home.

I had this problem too. I was always irritated with the day to day stuff one has to do in life. But I have found that the key is to find joy and fun in those mundane tasks. And that takes doing them while being fully present, fully engaged. I think of it as sinking into it, and slowing down, even doing things almost in slow motion--trying to savor every aspect of it, rather than rushing to get through it. Now when I do something like making the bed in the morning, I stop to feel the fabric, enjoy the movement around the bed, the way the light shines in the room, etc. It is becoming a new way of being, which is, in a way, like changing one's personality. I don't get as much done this way, but it doesn't matter. I am more relaxed and enjoy my day to day life more.

 

[mdh157]

I need help/ideas on how to let go of things, reduce stress and not be so high strung. I'm always stressed and irritated. I feel like I need to change my personality, but I have no idea how to do that! HELP!
I also have started seeing a psychologist. I've seen him one time and we're trying to work on the preoccupation part of my TMS. Since then, I've felt more anxious and the pain has wandered all over and gotten worse!

Welcome to my world COgirl........I am constantly wound up, it seems. Worknig on stuff but it is going to take a 24/7 attitude adjustment. This afternoon my middle finger was buzzing, felt like it was being shocked internally. Naturally that made me worry what it was. This stuff keeps perpetuating itself.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi COgirl05,
I like this, and do this:

Now when I do something like making the bed in the morning, I stop to feel the fabric, enjoy the movement around the bed, the way the light shines in the room, etc. It is becoming a new way of being, which is, in a way, like changing one's personality.

Also, I think you don't have to change your personality to cure. Believing this just increases the pressures and inner conflicts, in my opinion. We tend to have a conflict between what we feel, and what we think we should feel. This is one of the roots of TMS. I think that if you defend to yourself your right to be angry, and irritated, even without "cause," you are more at ease. At least that is what I find for myself. Self-rejection of my emotional state does not add to my enjoyment or ease in life. At my best, I accept that I am an angry monkey at times!

Andy B.

 

[E. Lynn]

Welcome to my world COgirl........I am constantly wound up, it seems. Worknig on stuff but it is going to take a 24/7 attitude adjustment. This afternoon my middle finger was buzzing, felt like it was being shocked internally. Naturally that made me worry what it was. This stuff keeps perpetuating itself.

MHD, I've had that in my foot before! It did go away.

 

[blake]

Hi COgirl,
Dr. Sarno says we don't have to change our personality, but rather understand how our personalities cause us to have symptoms. I have learned to see how I repress my emotions when I interact with my mom. I feel mad, then I try to not feel that by telling myself it's wrong. I've been working on watching myself do this for 8 months now and I can finally interact with her without getting neck pain. However, all the other emotional stuff (hurt from the past, abandonment issues) is still there. Now I actually have to feel it and try to solve it. It's hard, painful and heart wrenching at times, but at least I don't get neck pain anymore and I get to keep my personality, even if I have alot of stuff to work on.

Hope that helps.
All the best

 

[COgirl05]

Blake - that's good to hear! I have a complex relationship with my mom too. We used to be best friends and I trusted her and could always count on her. Lately, due to some other circumstances, things have changed and I don't feel the same connection to her anymore. I feel really annoyed and frustrated with her, but deep down, I'm sure I'm enraged! I'm having a hard time digging into these issues. I guess I feel like once I feel those issues, how do I go back to loving her? I don't want to not love her. I kinda feel like my husband does things also that I dislike and I don't know how to deal with that either. I feel angry when he does certain things, but I think it's still causing me tension. How do I actually feel my emotions?! I'm having a hard time with that!

 

[COgirl05]

MDH157 I've had that same buzzing in my finger before! It went away as well and it was before I had any knowledge of TMS.

 

[blake]

Hi,

I feel rage for both my dear, beloved husband of 21 years and for my mother, who is mentally ill and very vulnerable. I've come to understand a couple of helpful things about rage in recent months: a) the rage does not lead to hurtful behaviour towards others, only to pain in me. Our thoughts can't hurt people. Sounds simple enough, but I constantly have to remind myself of this. b) the rage is from my inner child and just like a real child, I let her express herself, knowing full well that I am in control of my actions.

I learned to feel my feelings through something called ifs (internal family systems) or parts therapy. Jay Earley wrote a great book called self-therapy journey. But there are many different ways to get there. This was the simplest for me.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I've been working on watching myself do this for 8 months now and I can finally interact with her without getting neck pain. However, all the other emotional stuff (hurt from the past, abandonment issues) is still there. Now I actually have to feel it and try to solve it. It's hard, painful and heart wrenching at times, but at least I don't get neck pain anymore and I get to keep my personality, even if I have alot of stuff to work on.

Hi Blake,
I think this is being real and self compassionate. And not easy, because we are conditioned to feel we are wrong about all these conflicts and "bad feelings."

I guess I feel like once I feel those issues, how do I go back to loving her? I don't want to not love her.

Hi COgirl,
I think this is a natural fear, and one which can be observed and not believed. In my experience, we fear these emotions from early experiences when we were made to feel wrong about our anger, when we feared we'd lose contact with our caretakers if we were angry, and when we were unable to feel things without also acting them out on others (like an angry child does). As adults these experiences from the past keep us in a self-rejecting fear about feeling what actually is arising. The more real I am with my feelings about my mother, the more I can actually love her. Part of this process is autonomy with others, and part of this is an inner autonomy, where I have the space to be me. Good luck in your journey.

Also, about how to do more feeling: You are already emerging into more awareness. There is an awakening happening in you, in your curiosity and ability to feel more. Simply attend to the experience of feelings in your body, and it will not lie! And be gentle with yourself about the 'wrong feelings that emerge.' They do not obliterate love, despite our fears.

Andy B.