I need some support

Hey guys. I need of some assistance: So I dropped the ball on something today at work. I'm interning for this lady who is exactly where I want my career to be. I got so upset and I wrote the most horrible things about myself in my journal speak session that really frightened me. The gist was that I was so hateful of myself because in my mind I had 'blown' the chance of this woman liking me, and therefore lost the opportunity to get the love and acceptance from her I never got from my mother. I also had a (virtual) sexual encounter today and was filled with so much hate for myself because I grew up with the belief that sex is bad and doing that kinda stuff, especially through a phone makes me a horrible person. Not the way my parents intended to bring me up, but, nonetheless, the way it rubbed off on me. Just wanted to share that and get some support from you guys.

 

What would you say to me, if I had written that exact post? Or a friend? Or one day...your own child?
You made a mistake at work. Big deal. You are human. However, if you hate yourself...every mistake is amplified. Work at finding compassion for yourself because that is essential. Same with guilt about seeking comfort after being so incredibly mean to yourself (with your thoughts and journal criticisms) by way of a virtual encounter. Compassion not shame.

 

Thank you. This is really helpful. Be well!

 

By the way...I am working on this too! It is a journey...try journalling to your mini self...your child self. That scared little kid that wants to please.

 

When we are hating ourselves and feeling a lot of shame for something we've done or what we are we introduce an entire second layer of context to whatever originally upset us (a mistake at work, a harmless response to a sexual urge). If we're unconscious about this we don't even see that there are two layers operating here; it's just one awful, emotionally painful mess. Tell the bullying voices--the ones that hurt you to no profit--to go where the sun never shines. What's left to work with is something much closer to kindness. View the original problem through that lens and see what solutions come up. Really sink into your own native kindness for a while--put a circle of light around it that keeps the BS bully voices entirely OUT of any conversation with you--and notice how that affects the way you look at what upset you in the first place