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I need help

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Oct 12, 2015.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    I am loosing my confidence in TMS process i know we are not suppose to watch the clock... But i have been doing the work for 13 months with no sign of relief at all at best i am better able to deal with my pain...i am back on some of meds ...anybody who deals with nerve pain they know how BRUTAL it can be sonmy question is where do i go. NEED SOME ADVICE ASAP
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm sorry, Marco, I really am! Unfortunately based on the things you've written about in the last couple of months, it seems that you have an untenable living situation and a lot of day-to-day stress that you are living with. Many times your posts are full of anger that you are holding onto. Until you can solve that situation, OR have a completely different response to the things that create anger in you every day, I don't think you can recover. Solving the situation is apparently not possible at the moment, so your only other choice is changing your relationship to it.

    The thing is, every time you face an aggravating situation with your wife, your brain's automatic response is the same response it would have if you were facing a sabre-tooth tiger in the ancient wilderness, because your brain is too primitive to understand the difference. It's fight-or-flight, except that neither of those is appropriate when dealing with a spouse who has emotionally traumatized you - so now your brain is REALLY confused, because you aren't doing anything!

    Basically, you are living with a situation in which your personal power has gone into the sewer. And that is enraging - it's one of the core issues for humans, and it causes a huge amount of rage, especially amongst men.

    I know that you've engaged in some conversations about mindfulness, but in your case, being mindful while you're walking the dog just ain't gonna do it. It's when your brain is in fight-or-flight mode that you have to be mindful!

    The next time you are dealing with your wife, you have to stop and pay attention to your brain's reaction, and to your inner self-talk. To become healthy, you have to be willing to change your brain's reaction, to stop the wind-up into frustration over your powerlessness.

    Recognize your brain's reaction, Acknowledge the power struggle, Accept that right now you don't have power in this situation, and Find a way to get beyond it for now, by visualizing a different future.

    Mala, Ellen and angelic333 like this.
  3. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member


    Thx for your thoughts on this matter yes i am very angry and have been for a long time.... My living situation is tough and i wish i could move bit i just dont have the money to pay rent and support my children i am what we call a real pickle . I did set up a make shift bedroom in another room which brought up more emotional feelings of extreme anger. I feel in my present situation i need to change the way i am reacting and also i feel i need to go back full force on my pain meds . Because all the tms modalties in my tool box are just not doing it.

    Again thx you... It makes a lot of sense
  4. Markus

    Markus Guest

    Marco,go back on antidepressants,or whatever can raise your mood so that you can see clearly. You're an inspiration to the group, desperate times call for desperate measures!

  5. Simplicity

    Simplicity Guest

    I'm new here (and to tms) so I'm not able to give much advise. Just wanted to say that I know how frustrating it is when you're not getting better, living with pain for such a long time. I hope you will be able to sort out your situation and get well.
  6. Markus

    Markus Guest

    I think Jan's advice is excellent! . I feel I've not made reading a priority. Each book available will have a different effect. So I'm digging in because as a goodist,I put everyone but myself first, I can't settle on one thing. I too used to suffer from anxiety in the worst way. 2 years of counseling and it's here but I can kill it.
    Hope things are better today Marco. Another book I downloaded to my Samsung Galaxy Kindle was how to stop worrying by Dale Carnegie. ......fantastic.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2016
  7. levfin003

    levfin003 Peer Supporter

    Really sorry to hear this Marco. I don't know what else to say beyond what Jan has already said, but I really hope that you can find relief from your emotional and physical pain!
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  8. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    I will try it...thx
  9. beachgirl

    beachgirl Peer Supporter

    I can so identify with your share and rage about powerlessness over livimg situation. My symptoms started after a couple of years of extreme financial stress, at that time I was jobless and about to lose my unemployment benefits. I lived in constant terror of not having enough money and how would I ever make ends meet. At that time I had taken a series of terrible jobs to support my self and lost them all, then had lost 3 jobs in 3 years. Even though much of the other people in these jobs were let go as well the sum total of being let go so many times became very personal and crumbled my self esteem.

    I had suffered so much loss and interestingly my symptom was a sudden onset of hair loss after taking a new anti depressant to " calm my nerves". My hair fell out in a matter of 5 days after taking the meds and never came back. I've lost 60% of my hair and have been devastated by the loss. To the point I don't socialize and find it increasingly if not all but impossible to function in the work world as my appearance has changed so dramatically and I look so awful. In fact I can not bare to look in the mirror as I am so devastated by the change in my appearance, it haunts my every waking moment.

    That was 2 years ago, the onset of my symptoms. Since then my outside circumstances have gotten expostenitally worse. I lost that apartment after it went under construction so loud and awful for an entire year that I I was not able to be home during the day and had the roam the streets all day until they would finish construction so I could go home. Everyday for. I this on end. I couldn't work and function after months of the stress of doing that and the noise and invasion of privacy. I had another two jobs which went terribly and I lost and have had to move twice in the last month alone into places that were so terrible as couldn't unpack my food or bathroom and so small I can't open my closet door to get to my clothes because my bed takes up my whole room. I've had to put much of my things in storage and throw out the rest - so painful and the losses keep coming. I lost my health insurance and just yesterday my PC Dr wrote she is retiring so I am without a Dr. I am so overwhelmed by it all and suffer from complete and utter depression and anxiety. I am furious at God for all the losses in my life and enraged at myself and my life in general for it turning out this way, a total failure at 52 with nothing to show for it and no secure present or future. Terrifying and enraging.

    To make it worse , I reached out to my family from who I am esgrabbed to be,p me find a place t live when I lost my apartment and they completely turned their backs on me. I was close to ending up in a shelter and even so they refused to help me. Heart wrenching, they are very wealthy with multiple vacation homes and left me stranded. They believe mental illness is my fault and left me to deal with it all on my own despite my pleas for help and admission that my anxiety and depression had been kicking my but to the ground.

    And my symptoms just keep getting worse. In addition to hair loss I suffer from pretty bad scalpm pain burnig and stinging all the time. Medically I've been told it's everything from stress to low iron to hormones. The sudden onset and the symbolism of the symptoms always made me suspect TMS particularly since I was cured of my debilitating back pain years ago by reading Dr Sarnos books and meeting him, a program which resonates with me deeply to the core . I came to the wiki when this happened and thought I'd check back in. Sarno worked for me completely and everytime I read a book or a wiki share I feel a small mental shift in symptoms.

    That said after months on the wiki and with the books when my symptoms started My hair loss failed to improve and I got discouraged and eventually gave up.

    I am in such fear and goal panic over my symptoms I can't breathe and have so much anxiety over my financial situation I feel like I could break into a million pieces. I start a job this week but at half the pay I've had at the past and am also being hounded/hunted by the IRS who is threatening to seize what little money I have to live on to lay back taxes. I feel there is no way out and have returned to my 12 step program to help me grind a higher power to help resolve some of these overwhelming problems. All said, I am mostly distraught over my symptoms which have not let up one bit in two years. I am enraged to the core from my symptoms - hence altered appearance and would give all the tea an China just look normal again. If every Dr, all 6 of them that I saw said my hair loss was stress related - based on the sudden onset and the fact that my scalp biopsy was normal- I have to believe its TMS and am hoping for a Way for it to click in like happend with my back pain and I just get better.

    I get the powerlessness thing, I really do. It's terrifying to the core and enraging. I'm so scared my hair is falling out :(
  10. Renee

    Renee Well known member

    So sorry for what you are going through Beachgirl. There is a product by Rene Furterer called Complex 5 that is very good for the health of your scalp and hair. You use it twice a week before you shampoo. I've read that it has helped chemo patients regrow their hair after treatment. I know your money situation is bleak but perhaps after you start your new job you can purchase it. A little goes a long way. I know how important a woman's hair is to her self esteem.
  11. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Beachgirl, just a couple of quick idea solutions to your heart-wrenching saga:

    1) Baldness is in today, so take it all off--or get a wig, if they're good no one knows you're wearing one.

    2) Go to a house of worship for help for housing and finding a job, that's what they are there for, to help. I've seen them help people in your circumstances find good jobs, housing, etc.
    beachgirl likes this.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Marco. I too am very sorry your situation is so awful. I too would go back on the pain medication until things get better. They will. You have to believe that. And I hope finding a place in the house/apartment to give yourself some privacy helps.

    Beachgirl, losing your hair does not mean you have lost the best part of yourself... who you are.
    I also hope you will go to a church or a public service in your area and ask for help with a job or housing.
    Maybe call your local senior citizen center and ask if any member needs a live-in helper. I'm 85 and wish you lived near me in Glenview, Illinois.
    I get around okay but it would sure help to have someone with the chores and be there for me.
    Simplicity likes this.
  13. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Beachgirl, I just remembered something to tell you about caregiving, living in some elder person's home...

    Two different friends both had the same wonderful experience... They were live-in companions for the elderly.
    When both elderly people died, they left their big homes to the caretaker. One of them also left the caretaker a million dollars.

    Don't expect that, but it could happen. Ask God to help lead you to someone whose life you could help or save and
    it could save yours as well.
    beachgirl and Boston Redsox like this.
  14. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx walt

    I am trying to stay grouned and not let my emotions get the best of me...i just breath when it gets bad .. Today was a terrible foot pain day but i did not let it stop me from going on a run i am sure my inner child did not like that and i am sure i will being payong for it in spades later
  15. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member


    I am so sorry to hear about your situation it actually choked me up. But u need to do whatever it takes to survive . Take walt advice and also i know loosing your hair is a big deal but u are more than hair.....
    beachgirl, Simplicity and JanAtheCPA like this.
  16. beachgirl

    beachgirl Peer Supporter

    Thanks everyone for the good words. I appreciate it but don't want to deflect from the original thread or take away from someone else's share! I guess what I am thinking is when I see all of the recent stress and powerlessness in writing black and white I can say to myself no wonder I have symptoms. Yet at the same time I doubt it's TMS, am roped into the medical diagnosis - even though much of the Drs said it was stress - and the. Can't believe this would be TMS. When I hear stress I feel powerless over my symptoms. When I hear TMS it means something else to me in my mind somehow. I have doubt it's TMS. Back pain being TMS yes, hair loss I think no.

    Like the original post I am enraged about my living situation and need help making the connection to the fact that these type of symptoms, in my case hair loss, could be TMS. I likewise lost my confidence in the process and after 2 long years with no resolution of symotoms could use some reassurance. Since hairloss can be hereditary I fear that immensly and that plays with my mind badly, even though my scalp biopsy said my hair loss is not hereditary (they can tell from the biopsy).

    Assurance anyone ?
  17. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Stay the course there is no magic pill or solution do the work be kind to yourself and laugh even when it hard to. You have the strength to do this you already went threw so much and survived.
    beachgirl likes this.
  18. Simplicity

    Simplicity Guest

    I don't know how much help this will be, but I met a woman once who had problems with hair loss too. She had lost all of her hair at one point, but then she started working on the stresses in her life and when she got to a better place mentally the hair started to grow back. This is just one person that I met shortly, but I remember her and her strength vividly.

    I know what it feels like to be fumbling in the darkness... the only thing I can say is that you are not alone.
    mike2014, beachgirl and Boston Redsox like this.

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