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I need help. Back is killing me

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by dberknyy24, Oct 19, 2020.

  1. dberknyy24

    dberknyy24 New Member

    I don’t know what to do. I read Sarno’s books five years ago and knew it was me he was describing. I bought into the TMS diagnosis immediately and saw a lot of relief. Yet every 1-3 months since reading his books for the first time, I get a flare-up in my back that takes 1-2 weeks to go away. I re-read the books, I listen to the audiobooks, I talk to my brain. I’ve even seen Dr. Rashbaum in New York a couple times, who confirmed the TMS diagnosis and suggested I take his lecture series, which costs $900. I have not done the lectures for financial reasons.

    I buy into the TMS diagnosis 100%. I even ditched my foam roller and try not to take super hot showers so as to not reinforce the idea of anything being physically wrong. I try to be outcome independent. I meditate a lot (TM). I don’t journal a ton and I know I can improve in that area. Maybe I should see a therapist. I don’t know anymore.

    I’ve been in the throes of this for five days now. At times I can’t put my socks on. Yet yesterday I ran 10 miles and was pain-free the whole time. I ran because I knew my back is structurally fine. But the pain keeps coming back after. Especially after sleeping and after getting up from sitting. I know I’m conditioned, but I don’t know how to break the cycle.

    Any advice or wisdom is much appreciated. Thank you.
  2. Xara

    Xara Peer Supporter

    I have no much wisdom to give, but really wanted to say we are here....
    When I feel I am back to the symptoms, I remember one moto I once read. When something comes to you, it will not leave, until it teaches you what you have to learn. A bit bad translation, but hope you understand.
    There is something it triggers all these. Don't fight it. Ask it.
    And I don't think it is so bad to make things that will relieve you... Don't consider this as treatment, but as gift to yourself. Eg ask a beloved person to caress -i mean gently massage - your back. It's not treatment, it is love you need
  3. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    The more distressed you become the more tension you put on your body. If you can't journal then try to write a list of stuff bothering you right now and acknowledge how each of them is making you FEEL. You don't have to fix everything, but you need to allow your body to feel the emotions of what ever is bothering you. What event or events triggered this TMS flare... explore this (could even be something minor).

    Perhaps hold off running for now. The running only ramps up your tired nervous system. Slow everything down and listen to Dr Emmett Miller CD's (his voice is very soothing), also listen to the "Mind and Fitness" podcast (with Eddie Lindenstein). Today for example I listened to episode 49 - an interview with a guy called Brad Gutting, great listening for you right now.

    Ease up on yourself and turn down the dial on mental chatter. Keep it simple and go back to basics. Tell your back to jack off and you're not afraid of the pain.

    All the best - you will get there.
  4. dberknyy24

    dberknyy24 New Member

    Thanks so much for your reply and your advice. Is there a particular CD from Dr. Miller you recommend?

    As far as running goes, I was under the impression that continuing with my normal activities and not letting the pain interfere was one of the best things I could do. Is that not the case?
  5. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    You're welcome. I run too, but I often find that when in TMS discomfort I'm not "in the flow" with running, but rather pushing my body and tensing more. Run of course if you want to, but do it only if it makes you feel relaxed, rather than pushing to aim for a goal ("gotta run X k's today")...

    Emmett Miller's "Easing into sleep" and "I am" are wonderful, especially "I am". Marinade in his voice; it will really help soothe your nervous system.

    With recovery, it's all about acknowledging what's causing your stress, but don't dig and dig if that causes you distress. Aim to shift the balance on your rage:soothe ratio, and just accept your discomfort - even thank it - for trying to protect you. It will take a little time for the pain to dissipate, even after you have done these things, because it's like a pot of boiling water taken off the stove... takes a while to cool down. Accept => Relax => let time pass (don't calendar watch), and connect with friends and watch funny stuff.
  6. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Have you broke your life down into little boxes and done a close inspection? Usually whenever I get a flare out of nowhere there is something bugging the 'under-me' that the me that is typing to you has missed entirely. Later, I usually go 'aha!'.

    Family of origin? Personal relationships? Money? career? Dependency issues? Mental environment (politics, religion, etc)? competition whether sporting or in some other endeavour?

    I have never paid a TMS doctor a penny (didn't have it to pay LOL) BUt, I have really good Bro's who have all had this so they are really good at asking me the right questions. I always need a good question and the answer finds itself....and the symptom being no longer necessary just goes away.

    That is correct! Keep running, but maybe spend the mental time asking yourself 'why would I need a distraction?'
    backhand likes this.
  7. dberknyy24

    dberknyy24 New Member

    thanks for this! There’s definitely a lot I’ve written today. The issue I always get to though is what to do with what I’ve written. Not sure if I actually know how to feel my feelings...

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