I feel that deep down, I can't really overcome this

[Itsallinyourhead]

After going through a tough time emotionally, I decided to get back into healing my TMS issues. I've seen a lot of success in the past, but it feels different this time. I'm journaling, seeing a therapist, reading about TMS, and it still just feels too overwhelming. Part of me just doesn't believe I can get better. I've had so many symptoms for so long, that it feels like I'm throwing cups of water at a house fire. The pathways of pain and depression run so deep in my brain that it feels hopeless.

I know that my issues stem from repressed emotions, but I'm still terrified about my emotions, to the point where I can't even identify them when they come up. Even when I was feeling good after learning about TMS, a good amount of symptoms remained. I just have such a hard time seeing myself without them. These problems are what have defined my life for ten years.

I think a lot of my issues stem from attachment style issues. I can't get over feeling like there is truly something wrong with me and that I have to hide my true self for someone to like/love me. I know this is a recipe for TMS, but i don't know how to go about fixing it. It's so difficult addressing my self talk because so MANY of my thoughts are so negative. It feels like an onslaught of hurtful thoughts towards myself, most common of all is a feeling of shame.

Part of me feels like it's just safer to not try. I can at least deal with my symptoms because I'm used to it. Trying to get better feels much harder. No matter what I do, the self compassion won't come. My issues make me feel weak and pathetic.

I hope I'm not sounding too negative, but If anyone has gone through something similar, I'd love some thoughts.

 

[Baseball65]

I'm journaling, seeing a therapist, reading about TMS

None of those make TMS go away..
all those are is like a kid going to College..he still hasn't done dick in the real world.
All of that is just a 'support structure' for when you actively push through physical activity , including the most strenuous and return to activity.

self compassion won't come.

Neither did mine either...that's some BS from for profit TMS doctors and a few people who have never recovered their own self OKing why they are still suffering. I have never 'gotten OK' with my pain, 'forgiven myself' and a lot of other self help stuff that snuck into TMS that has NOTHING to do with what Sarno taught.
It's about as peculiar as a first century Reform Rabbi who spoke out against religiosity over inner truth..so they made a religion about him.
Make sure you know what it is your giving up on. I never even got started on your journey. I did what Sarno said and got better..fast.
Blessed are the Poor.

PS...most of that stuff that 'TMS doctors' and Mindbody 'Coaches' are selling is the same crap they have in chronic pain centers..so I understand your frustration. I quit the one I was going to right B4 I started doing the work in Sarno.
If I had to fix all of my issues to get pain free, I wouldn't have gotten there. I had to delete everything except the text of the books and DO It. This is not a group journey. It is a lonely one but far easier than the one I was on b4

 

[Ellen]

I'll just address this from my personal experience. About 10 years ago I discovered that my lifelong struggle with a multitude of physical pain and other symptoms was due to TMS. I threw myself into addressing it using all the techniques and strategies I read about, and eventually I became TMS free. Afterward, it was difficult for me to figure out what was essential to my recovery and what wasn't. So I wrote up my Success Story and listed everything I had done.

Over the last 10 years I've had many relapses--sometimes the same symptoms I had before returned or new symptoms emerged. What I have learned from the relapses and my subsequent recovery from them, is that the essential key to recovery is a realization that the symptoms are due to repressed emotions (rage, guilt, and shame being the most prevalent for me). It's bringing the unconscious into conscious awareness. That's it. There isn't any need to fix anything. Just an honest understanding of what is going on in your mind. All the techniques and strategies that have come to be associated with TMS treatment are just tools to get us there. Sometimes they can be helpful, but sometimes they can be a distraction that fools us into thinking we are doing something about our TMS. If we don't want to know what is truly going on in our mind, we won't see it no matter what we do. TMS is a defense against the truth.

Sarno was right about everything important. Read and listen to Sarno over and over. That is my best advice at this point. Eventually it sinks in.

 

[evawillms]

After going through a tough time emotionally, I decided to get back into healing my TMS issues. I've seen a lot of success in the past, but it feels different this time. I'm journaling, seeing a therapist, reading about TMS, and it still just feels too overwhelming. Part of me just doesn't believe I can get better. I've had so many symptoms for so long, that it feels like I'm throwing cups of water at a house fire. The pathways of pain and depression run so deep in my brain that it feels hopeless.

I know that my issues stem from repressed emotions, but I'm still terrified about my emotions, to the point where I can't even identify them when they come up. Even when I was feeling good after learning about TMS, a good amount of symptoms remained. I just have such a hard time seeing myself without them. These problems are what have defined my life for ten years.

I think a lot of my issues stem from attachment style issues. I can't get over feeling like there is truly something wrong with me and that I have to hide my true self for someone to like/love me. I know this is a recipe for TMS, but i don't know how to go about fixing it. It's so difficult addressing my self talk because so MANY of my thoughts are so negative. It feels like an onslaught of hurtful thoughts towards myself, most common of all is a feeling of shame.

Part of me feels like it's just safer to not try. I can at least deal with my symptoms because I'm used to it. Trying to get better feels much harder. No matter what I do, the self compassion won't come. My issues make me feel weak and pathetic.

I hope I'm not sounding too negative, but If anyone has gone through something similar, I'd love some thoughts.

Healing is not a linear process, and it's normal to have setbacks. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to struggle. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.

 

[Bonnard]

This is great stuff:

Healing is not a linear process, and it's normal to have setbacks. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to struggle. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.

And, there are a couple more great perspectives in the posts above.
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.... Part of me feels like it's just safer to not try. I can at least deal with my symptoms because I'm used to it. Trying to get better feels much harder....

Be careful with getting too comfortable with your symptoms here. Because the symptoms could easily change and intensify. If your brain gets the message that you're quite comfortable with the current distraction symptoms it's throwing at you, it may throw something else out that is debilitating.

You're doing the work. This could be a 'darkness right before the dawn situation'. You might be closer to a breakthrough than you realize. Hang in there and keep at it.