Hey all, sorry for the depressing title. For the last 12 years I've struggled with so many health challenges. When I was 17 I had a nervous breakdown and developed SEVERE anxiety. I had to take a leave from high school and almost didn't graduate with my class. I recovered, but at age 19 got my nose smashed flat to my face and began to have serious issues breathing. Even after a partially successful surgery, I became plagued with a litany of debilitating health conditions: POTS, GERD/LPR/hiatal hernia, and just severe exhaustion in general. I struggled on, and tried to live life as best I could, but in the last 7 months I have developed RSI in both hands (from a lot of gaming, or so I thought), mild wheezing, difficulty swallowing food, and pain in both knees. I honestly have never felt as hopeless as I did until I read about TMS a month ago or so. I recognize myself in so many of the descriptions — always trying to make others feel good, striving for perfection, WORRYING NONSTOP, and being convinced that I have to be or do something special to be loved and accepted. The things that have thus far prevented me from accepting TMS totally are: - I have been taking PPIs for reflux for almost 4 years now; is it possible that these drugs have given me osteoarthritis or something? Both my middle knuckles in my index fingers are slightly swollen, and so many joints in my hands hurt a little bit. I'm really hoping this is "just" RSI... - Due to my borked nose, my sleep hasn't been great since I was 19 years old. I've tried to compensate by lying down and napping when I could, but I fear that I've done my body irreparable harm but going so long on crappy sleep. Besides a small hiatal hernia, all my labs look good. I worry about resuming physical activity because my hands and knees feel legitimately injured, but doctors just shrug off my concerns and tell me that stuff starts hurting in our 30s. This time last year I could do 15+ pullups, had a six pack, etc; now I can barely type this, I'm afraid to run because of my knees, and I feel like I'm falling apart. It just doesn't add up. I didn't feel like I was pushing myself *that* hard. Anyway, how does one muster up the courage to embrace TMS as a diagnosis? The thought of damaging my joints by resuming normal activity scares the sh-t out of me. I just want to be able to trust my body and feel safe in my skin again.