1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

I don't want to get rid of pain anymore

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by linnyc87, Nov 13, 2020.

  1. linnyc87

    linnyc87 Peer Supporter

    The more I understand the mind body connection, the more I realize there's actually nothing to get rid of. I've spent 13 years trying to get rid of anxiety and 9 years trying to get rid of neck tension/pain (and all of the issues that developed in between). After my last post yesterday, I started reciting my daily reminders out loud and I'm truly realizing pain isn't a problem. It's uncomfortable and hurts like hell, but in my case, it's because of fear and obsession. Pain and pleasure are the two major components of life and I've spent my whole life focusing on avoiding pain, instead of accepting it as a necessary part of life. I realize that's the reason behind my perfectionism and goodism. I'm a perfectionist because at some point during my childhood, I developed a belief that the more flawless my life is, the better chance I'll have of not encountering pain. At 33, I now see that perfectionism = fear. It's sooo clear now.

    TMS isn't a disease. It's not a new phenomenon. It's just a label that Dr. Sarno coined to help explain the scientific aspect of how the mind works with the body. The mind has ALWAYS been connected to the body though.

    I've has random pains and other health complaints throughout my life. I think the difference lies in two things: 1. I wasn't obsessed about pain when I was a child. 2. I had many pleasures that soothed me which counteracted the pain. Things became "chronic" when I no longer engaged in all the things that soothed me.

    Anyway, I would like advice on how to get back to living my life. I don't have a job or transportation, but I realize I need to be spending time engaging activities that aren't centered around pain and anxiety. I have more than enough proof that when I'm fully engaged in things that make me happy, I feel no pain or a major reduction in pain. I don't necessarily want to go back to a 9-5 (considering that's one of the major stressors that led to my chronic pain), but I would like to still make a living for myself somehow.

    I also want to be more patient with my nervous system and give it more time to feel safe and settled. Focusing on healing is really not healing.

    So is there anyone that went back to work before being 100% healed? If so, what type of job did you find? Any career changers? I'd like to find meaningful work. I believe the more I find things that shift my mindset in a positive direction, the better I feel inside and out.
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2020
    Saffron likes this.
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes it certainly sounds like you get it! TMS is merely a symptom of an underlying emotional process. By constantly trying to "fix" the symptom all you do is reinforce it because you are not addressing the CAUSE. Although I never left my "work" as a mom and housewife and caretaker to my son with autism (because I had no choice lol!), I DID resume life to the best of my ability despite symptoms. I knew that the pain sensations and symptoms were irrelevant and meaningless. I could either sit home and babysit them all day and wallow in fear, or I could live my life as a normal, healthy person in the knowledge that if I did so, the symptoms would eventually fade out. I kept reassuring myself that I was not in danger and couldn't hurt myself so I may as well live my life anyway. The less I cared about symptoms and practiced outcome independence (or indifference), the faster the process progressed. I never talked about my symptoms to friends or family and I stopped monitoring them. They didn't intimidate me anymore because I knew what they were...just harmless false alarm signals that I was creating and I could just as easily uncreate. I gave up the fight with the pain strategy and myself. I truly let go and trusted in the process. You should definitely return to whatever work you enjoy and go for it. The more you reduce and eliminate fear, and the more you challenge those fears, the more confidence and momentum you will gain. If you wait for symptoms to go away before resuming your life...forget it. You will never get better like that. The ONLY way to get better is to embrace life and start caring more about that than the symptoms.
  3. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    Interesting. I never had pain as a child. If my body hurt, it was because I injured it, and I always healed rapidly. I feel like the TMS floodgates opened when I became an adult and started to see how shitty life is on a deep, fundamental level. Kinda hard to put the blindfold back on and pretend that everything is going to be okay.
    linnyc87 likes this.
  4. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    so many of your idea's here are whole topics in themselves (LOL)
    Yep..even he knew that and shared his discovery of Adler, Freud and others in his later books. That's why Sarno always appealed to me...he told US as much as HE knew. No condescending veil of PhD. (Piled higher and deeper). I actually found a record of a TMS attack in the book of Genesis chapter 32.
    I had to leave the entertainment industry. I had to take a huge pay cut. I ended up divorced over the economic fallout.... so YES, sometimes we need to change things, though you need not look too far out into the future.
    It would be remiss to not mention, I am happier and more free than at any other time in my life. A lot of times we fear stuff for sentimental reasons, but when we go along with it, amazing changes can happen.

    You can and will. Do the best you can with whats in front of you AND do a self examination...maybe there were somethings you ruled out in the past because of your pain? Now that you know it's TMS and beatable review your options...and always remember that a Job is just something you do..it isn't you. You are you. Now that you've found this truth, do not beat yourself up with could'ves and should'ves.....just start from right now.
    Mr Hip Guy, backhand and linnyc87 like this.
  5. linnyc87

    linnyc87 Peer Supporter

    Thank you! I feel like I'm finally on the verge of getting to that point where I no longer check my pain all day long. I do notice I feel fine when I'm preoccupied with other thoughts and activities.
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2020
    miffybunny likes this.
  6. linnyc87

    linnyc87 Peer Supporter

    It's funny you mentioned that because a few years ago I started my journey to pursuing medicine. Got accepted into my school of choice and wasn't able to attend (for health and money reasons). I pretty much just gave up on the dream, and all of my other dreams.

    I now see that giving up on my dreams was just an aspect of me thinking I'll never become pain free, but now I see otherwise. Thank you sooo much for that reminder!
    Baseball65 likes this.

Share This Page