I do not know what to do,needing some guidance please

Hello TMS community,


I am fairly new to the forum (not new to TMS) and I believe this is my 4th overall post that I have done and I have very VERY much appreciated the feedback thus far from everyone, so thank you all!

But I am really needing some positivity and realness right now on what to do..

For about 8 months now I have been dealing with a constant worsening and very life debilitating pain deep within my lower right back and right hip area. The pain predominantly is with the sciatic nerve which has caused my entire right leg to bottom foot to also become severely affected.

My pain starts from eyes opening up every single morning to finally falling asleep after normal and very painful tossing and turning. I’d say currently the pain is anywhere from a 7 to a 9 throughout the day (literally that bad these days). I am 24 years old, extremely active and healthy and in shape but CAN’T sit or stand in a straight position for longer than 90 seconds without feeling EXTREME nerve aching discomfort. My mind and clarity are constantly distracted by the pain, it has become beyond exhausting and I honestly feel like I am about to lose my shit and become bedridden, I cannot function like this anymore.

I am at a devastatingly all-time low; I feel like I am in a horrible nightmare and can’t seem to wake up. I’ve been needing to ask my parents for $ because I can only work part time right now with how much pain I am in. It feels like my nerve, as if it was a string off a guitar is constantly being plucked every couple of seconds – or yanked in a jarring thrust if I am to bend or sit-down. I’ve had to take pain medication just so I can get through a day at work this last week, AND I NEVER TAKE medication.

The thing is, as I have explained in my previous posts I am not new to TMS, in short when I was 16 I had sever nerve pain .. but on my left side and wasn’t able to properly walk. I did every suggested medical treatment from cortisone shots, chiropractic and physical therapy to acupuncture and meditation and everything in between spending thousands and thousands of dollars. At 17.5 loosing almost all hope I was given Sarno’s book, which healed me 90 percent within a couple weeks. I have had flare ups sporadically throughout the years but nothing ever lasted longer than a couple days by going through the normal sarno steps or reading/watching DVD again.

I bring this up because I AM A TMS believer… I have given the book and dvd out to numerous skeptics which returned with miraculous healing stories. I have seen it work on my own body and experienced what thousands talk about with being pain free.

But this… this is 2x more painful and more debilitating.

Up until this week I have been trying to stay active with doing mixed martial arts, weightlifting and running – I am able to escape the intense pain or distract myself from it when I do these activities… I have been trying so hard to not let the pain stop me from being me and doing the things I love but these past couple weeks have been horrific and I can hardly move let alone stand or sit at all.

I got an MRI a couple weeks back, which finding no tumors or cancers diagnosed me with having 2 minor protruding discs, L4 and L5 which suggested that being the cause of my nerve pain. The doctors suggested I seek neurologist and gain more details about my pain.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

A very large % of me is so doubtful that this could still be TMS and just wants to get cortisone shots and line myself up for surgery and see this neurologist. My hope for this being TMS and having a recovery through its treatment feels very low right now, especially since I have healed before, and I have been vigorously trying to the same process this time around with my symptoms only getting worse and more painful day by day..


PLEASE, anyone who has had similar sciatic pain, or felt this lowness of hope or perhaps indecisive on if they should do surgery please explain your story.

I keep going back and forth on being able to believe if this is really TMS…

I don’t know which route to take.

Thank you all for your time,

I truly appreciate any feedback more than you could possibly know right now.

kyle

 

You have TMS. I have no doubt. You are able to do martial arts, weightlifting and running with less pain. That is great evidence that you have nothing physical causing your pain. You also have the evidence of your previous success with TMS therapy.

You are preoccupied with the pain. Accept the pain and shift your focus onto your thoughts and emotions. Be determined to reignite your belief in TMS.

I had severe sciatica even when my MRI was coming back normal. I had previously had bulging discs, see this thread http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/can-we-not-dismiss-mri-proof.13394/#post-70308 (Can we not dismiss MRI proof?)
Now I have almost no sciatic pain ever.

 

Agree with Birdsfree, I've had so-called "sciatic" pain years ago and it completely went away. The pain is very REAL. My advice is not to stop physical activity but maybe to lessen it's intensity down to where it isn't painful. Try swimming, we came from the water and in the end we'll probably return to the water. Hard to hurt yourself swimming, unless you're Brian Lochte, and he did his damage in the bathroom. Don't stop physical activity, I tried that once--complete rest--it only leads to cabin fever or TMS/"clinical depression". You mentioned money issues as an emotional stressor, there's one, have you looked at the HOLMES-RAHE LIST for the emotional sources of TMS for others? I would see a TMS physician and a TMS therapist for a faster track and increased confidence that it's TMS. The neurologist will probably give you an EMG, maybe an RX for PT and tell you to cool it or you'll be seeing him for surgery--or he'll be wanting to cut you right away to "fix" those discs--google "failed back surgery".

So, search the HOLMES-RAHE for emotional stressors, run in the pool and some back-stroke to stretch out and maintain aerobic health to facilitate doing the TMS mental work and seek out some TMS professional practitioners to get an objective DX , and a faster track to healing.

 

The sciatic nerve is quite the TMS trickster: a very convincing distraction. But I'm convinced Sarno was right that bulging discs do not cause pain. Maybe a disc bulge just gives the nerve a a little tickle and the brain does the rest? I had a 6mm bulge on my MRI and recovered from symtoms just like yours, no surgery, just books and paper. Check out my success story!

 

Thank you all for your comforting hope!

Orion2012,

I just read your story... and it honestly just brought tears to my eyes and gave me a push of hope. Your story is so similar to mine, especially with weightlifting and your activities and how the onset of pain originally started. You describe exactly how my life is right now as far as not being able to sit or stand or even lie down comfortably, having the sciatic pain rule your life. Thank you for listing all your resources that helped you, I am going to drive forward with this and give it a shot.

Hearing how similar your story and healing was… brings me hope.

Can you briefly explain how you were able to break past your fear of sitting/relaxing in a seated position? That is basically my worst fear at the moment.. and when I sit it seems impossible to not focus on the intense throbbing pain which then unfortunately makes me think structurally (and this sucks so much because it makes it difficult to journal because I can’t sit comfortably) did you use Advil or anything like that at times during your healing process to help take the edge off?

I keep saying… if only my pain was at a 5 or 6 I’d be so much more willing and capable of zoning in on my emotions. It being at an 8 sometimes 9 right now makes even eating cereal seem like a scary roller-coaster ride.

And lastly, Orion if you don’t mind explaining perhaps with some detail your worst state within the healing process as far as your pain and what you were feeling in your body with the sciatica… it would be beneficial to contrast where you were at (lowest state) compared you being healed now. Because honestly it feels like rabbit is chewing on my nerve- the pain goes all down my right side starting from my lower right back and ending with my foot, sometimes I even feel aching in my lower right abdomen.


Thank you again.

 

[Deleted at BeWell's request]

 

I don't think I can offer any better advice, as I'm still new to all of this, but I get the nerve pain. I got it occasionally in my back/legs, but mine was in both arms. I could feel the pressure in my shoulders, and pinpoint where the pinching began. I could trace the exact nerve all the way down both arms, in my hands. But worse than the pain was fear- I draw blood for a living, and my hands would sporadically go numb. It brought me to tears many times, fighting not to let my patients know what was happening.

My symptoms are 98% gone, just from educating myself on this. When the nerve problems return now, I'll briefly shift my focus to it, but not out of fear...I'll sit and focus on it for just a minute and tell myself, "alright now that's enough, I'm perfectly healthy and I'm not doing this anymore." And I consciously shift my focus away. That helps.

I hope you get back to that better place buddy.

 

I am 35 - MRI says large herniation...

I was very active - judo, BJJ - 6 x week. No way that my core was weak - I have been doing exercises that small percent of people in my age are able to do. I'be lost it all in May with sciatic pain, next the diagnosis, based on MRI, neurosurgeon visit, physical therapy and it got worse. Pain went down to the foot and I have lost the Achilles reflex. I have spent two weeks in bed and got really depressed.
Then, I have found Sarno - it was about a month ago. I am making progress, although I am not the "read book, got healed" case - too much stuff going in my head, too much fear. Everyday I have doubts about the TMS. I know that I will not heal immediately, but I have hope and I am willing to go back to tatami, also I am very encouraged by the progress I have made during my first month with knowledge about the TMS. I stopped caring about the pain so much. My wife says I am 80% better now.

There is a great success story by Radek (http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/my-story-with-tms.449/ (My story with TMS)) on how he had a large herniation, recovered and got back to crossfit. It gives me huge boost every time I am reading it.

We will get better!

 

With the pain being as bad and distracting as it is.. Do any of you think it would be a bad or negative idea to actually go through with a cortisone shot.. To just alleviate some of the aching and pinching feeling so I can focus more comfortably while focusing on my TMS recovery?

 

Bad reactions to ESI are rare, but not unheard of. I tried an ESI at the worst of my pain, and I got about 50% relief for 2 -3 days. A total waste of time and money, except it probably helped convince me of the TMS diagnosis by virtue of not helping much. I should also mention I previously had about the same result from a course of oral steroids.

I will answer your prior questions when I have a bit more time.

 

Having a cortisone shot is applicable if the cause of the pain was physical. If your pain is psychological you may still get a placebo effect from the shot but what does that solve? Dr Sarno indicated that most everything in our bodies heals within 6 weeks. I am sure that after 8 months if there had been any injury to your nerves they would have healed by now.

I would slowly start confronting the pain, calmly. Pay attention to your breathing. Know that your mind is creating the pain. Your body is strong and healthy. Have you read Claire Weekes Peace from Nervous Suffering? I think that would help calm your nervous system as you have had a lot of trauma with so much pain.

 

Kyle,

To take the edge off, I used Advil, muscle relaxers, pain pills, medical marijuana, you name it. All of which seemed to help a bit, at first. Then, everything seemed to help less once I learned of TMS. I went cold turkey from all of it once I had Dr. Schubiner's book in hand.
But if it helps, use it! If it provides enough relief to help you move forward, it is useful. But it isn't useful if it increases your belief in a structural source of your pain.

Before I could sit, I started journalling propped up on my elbows.I used affirmations to help me break through the fear of sitting. I would just repeat them silently in my head for a few minutes:
"My back is strong, sitting cannot hurt me" etc.
"I'm calm, relaxed, patient, and confident" (for facing anxiety-producing situations)
"Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." (all-purpose, good for bedtime or early in the morning)

 

Thank you all for your advice and confidence boost. I really appreciate the support and guidance surrounding all of this.

I have decided to take a solid month off from work and specifically spend this time to commit myself to the healing and journaling process.


I’ll report back next month with where I am at with everything.
Again thank you, I feel encouraged and motivated… which I haven’t felt in some time with the TMS recovery.

Talk with you all soon.


Kyle

 

Kyle, be careful about dedicating all of your time to healing. It may be another form of TMS to be obsessive about recovery and it may slow you down instead of speeding it up. We, TMS personalities, tend to be obsessive about things, TMS itself included.

 

[Deleted at BeWell's request]

 

Good advice from the two veterans above. You don't want get too focused on it or set a time line for healing. Too much pressure is how you got into this mess, it isn't going to get you out.

My advice is no more than 90 minutes of TMS work per day: 15 minutes of mindfulness/affirmations morning and night, 30 minutes journaling, 30 minutes TMS knowledge building (reading/forum/videos). At the most.