Parts Therapy I did some parts work tonight. Can someone help me interpret?

[Layne]

Hello all! I was around a while back, but since getting better, I have gone out into the world to pursue my dreams! My TMS symptoms were mainly digestion related and now my stomach is a tank. I can digest anything! I do have some back pain from a fall at work, but I haven't explored that too much in relation to TMS, since I actually did injure it. It has been few months and is still tight, so I might explore some TMS stuff there. But that is not my immediate concern.

My immediate concern is actually a sugar addiction. I have been trying for months to get this thing under control. I intellectually understand the detrimental effects of sugar on my body and yet I still cannot seem to shake it. Any time I am experiencing something that is contrary to what I really want in life, I always check back in here and usually figure it out. This, however, is very deep and has been with me a long time.

So tonight I played with parts again and found some interesting things that hopefully someone can help me understand a bit more. I centered myself and went into a meditative state. I asked to speak with the part that wants to eat sugar all the time. I got a protector who was a big, strong Native man, made out of stone. I gained access to his exile; a small 5-6 year old girl in a nightgown with a teddy bear. She was huddled in a corner, afraid and sad. After getting her to open up a little bit, it turns out that she wants to eat sugar because it's fun and she remembers going to Old Sacramento and getting all these beautiful, fun, sugary treats. So sugar represents fun and freedom to her. After sharing her secrets something interesting happened - another exile who was hiding behind her showed up. The little girl got scared and I sensed a shadowy figure in the room and immediately threw a cage around it to protect the little girl.

The thing in the cage was another part, but man, was she pissed! She was a huge ball of raging fire, exploding all over the place. I promised to let her out of the cage if she promised not to hurt the little girl. She agreed and I let her out. She was very angry and very aggressive. Every question I asked she flared up in flames. I asked her why she was hiding behind the little girl (who was soundly sleeping in my lap by this point.) She told me it was because she was so used to being rejected and ignored; that the little girl (who I call the "fairy" because of her love of fun and freedom) covered for her because she was so undesirable. Eventually, she loosened up as I told her that I was here to understand why she was so upset. She also told me that she mistrusts adults because they lie and say they will do things that they never end up doing. I have more work to do with this little one. She was a very feisty 8-10 year old.

This was an abbreviated version of the whole process, because I don't want to take up too much time. What I'm looking for is to understand how an exile might hide behind another exile. Or if the fairy might be a different type of protector. And what does this mean for the sugar addiction? Am I missing something?

I don't even know if I am doing the process right, or if I just went in all willy nilly and these aren't actually parts. Lol

Any insight is greatly appreciated. Or any tips on how to better perform the process to yield better results.

THANK YOU!

 

[Becca]

Hi Layne,

First of all, I think you are definitely doing the process right. I don't think going "willy nilly" is something you need to worry about! It sounds like the conversations with both parts were very organic.

I know I tend to over-analyze things. I can get caught up in what a particular emotion, reaction, situation, etc. really means -- and not really a healthy or productive way. I wonder if trying to determine how/why/whether a part fits into a certain category (manager, exile, firefighter) is similar -- that is, if it really will be that helpful for you. It'd be good to know, I suppose, but sometimes it doesn't matter how we understand parts in terms of their roles. What's most important is the process itself - continuing to talk with and listen to your parts, and learning about yourself through those conversations.

If talking with the fiery part is particularly difficult, you could also try talking with the fairy to learn more about that fiery part. I will say, I really felt for your fiery part just from reading what you wrote (particularly about feeling so undesirable). I think finding ways to better understand her, and sending her compassion and love (if she is ready to accept it) can give you a lot more insight -- perhaps into your sugar addiction or perhaps into something else -- rather than figuring out how your parts fit into the different categories.

I hope this helps...I'd be curious to know if you've tried talking with either of those two parts since you posted about this last week-ish, and if so, how that went!

 

[Layne]

Thank you for your reply!!! I apologize for the very delayed response. I have four jobs and two classes and life has been busy busy!! I haven't tried talking to the parts again. I have found that my daily 15 minutes meditations are difficult to maintain, much less an hour or two of parts work. Maybe this weekend.

Thank you for reminding me that it's the process that matters, not necessarily the labels. Since I can remember I have been a "why" person lol. It can definitely get in the way of some things.

In other news, I have resolved the sugar addiction. I went to listen to a Buddhist monk talk about addiction and it resolved that night. At least the emotional part. I still like it- it tastes good. But I know now that what I am seeking is not in the sugar super interesting stuff.

 

[njoy]

@Layne, I loved reading your initial post and am delighted to meet those parts and also to hear your sugar addiction has resolved. I agree with Becca that "What's most important is the process itself - continuing to talk with and listen to your parts, and learning about yourself through those conversations." One thing I've learned about parts work is how utterly natural (and brilliant) the process is, however it's done.

If I had no quiet time for my parts, I might just talk to them on the street, or wherever. People will assume a cell phone and be none the wiser!