I can't identify with the typical TMS personality traits.

[tasy]

Hi guys, I hope some one can help me, or maybe recognize my symstoms.
I have now done the TMS work for 7 month, with zero progress, on the contrary. Since I stop doing my daily stretch exercises, and self massage, my muscle are getting more tight and painfull.
When I first heard about TMS and John Sarno, and how the subconscious and the autonomic nervous system, reduce the oxygen to the muscle, it really make sence to me. 10 years after I broke my neck, I slowly starts to have some muscle tightness in my left lower back and buttocks, when I do biking race. After one year I have my first lock up in L5 and SI-joint, and then the muscle tightness start to spread to must off my body, and I have been in this condition more or less the last 25 years.
When I started to read TMS books, and heard recovery stories, I found out, that everybody, seems to see themselves one every page in the books. I don`t......I`m not a goodist or peoble pleaser, nor a perfectionist. I don`t feel anyxiety or fear to do anything physical with my body. It is just very uncomfortable and my muscle are tighten more up doing my training and also some time after the training. It feels like living in a very tight twisted straitjacket, like the are glue that tears in my muscle. I don`t have unbearable pain,but constantly and very uncomfortable.
I had listen to about 150 TMS podcast and about 100 recovery stories, I have followed the SIRPA program, and the Curable app plus many more things. When I wrote mine journaling tasks, I don`t feel any new emotions
who didn't show up when I just thought about them. 2 weeks ago I stop doing my TMS work, I could`t find new topics to write about, because it just make me even more frustrated.
The last 25 Years I have seen more then 100 Doctors, physical therapists, alternativ therapist ect.... Nobody have seen muscle act like mine before, and the injuries I have on my body should not give these symptoms. For many years my one theory is: When I broke my neck, my body structure changes a bit, and I think that my brain ( subconscious and autonomic nervous system ), tried to protect me, by tighten up my muscle in the spine. So now I confused about, do I have TMS? I doubt that there are suppressed feelings that cause my pain, But I`m 100% sure that it is my brain, that are course the muscle tightness. So where do I go from here?
There are now TMS doctors in my country ( Denmark ) So I feel bit alone, with my process.
I hope some one can give me some good advice.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi tasy,

Welcome to the Forum and the Wiki! I'll make some comments on what you've said. I am not a physician though.

Seeing how the symptoms progressed, this supports a TMS diagnosis, yes. So do all the findings ---none which point to something serious, from the physicians, if I follow you correctly. "They can't find out what is wrong" is a common experience for TMS sufferers.

For many years my one theory is: When I broke my neck, my body structure changes a bit, and I think that my brain ( subconscious and autonomic nervous system ), tried to protect me, by tighten up my muscle in the spine. So now I confused about, do I have TMS? I doubt that there are suppressed feelings that cause my pain, But I`m 100% sure that it is my brain, that are course the muscle tightness. So where do I go from here?

I think you're onto something, and I suggest you look at entry 12 and onward in this post, to see what RogueWave is saying about an activated nervous system, and his successful treatment. http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/a-desperate-update-opinions-appreciated.20723/ (A desperate update, opinions appreciated)
You may find something here which supports your work on yourself.

Ultimately it is the confidence that symptoms are not dangerous and are forms of TMS which works.

About your personality, I don't think this is critical. You're suffering from something chronic which has no medical explanation, started with a severe injury, and "spread." And seems to have gotten worse with "treatment." These are signs of TMS.

I suppose you've seen Alan Gordon's program at the Wiki? This might be very good also for you. I have had folks tell me just reading it again and again helps them be less fearful.

Or engage any other material which helps you reduce fear when you digest it, including relaxing meditations, music, etc. Things which relax your nervous system, even if they have nothing to do with "treating TMS." Although you don't sound so afraid, you have engaged a long time at trying to rid yourself of this, which testifies to fear being present.

I wish you strength and patience as you look further, and I'm glad you're here.

Andy B

 

[tasy]

Thanks for your reply Andy
Yes I have read Alan gorden`s program. I`ve read og lesson to so much, that I had to take a break. But for me it is difficult to find what to work with.....of all the recovery stories I`ve heard, I have not heard any one I can relate and recognize myself in. As mentioned, Im not the typical type T person, and I`m not afraid or fearfull to do anything. All my live, I have push my self physical to the limit an many time over, even I had pain and it was wery uncomfortable, I`ve always tried to the things that I like, but it is not wery funny when you are in pain all the time. What I`m trying to say is, that I don`t feel I can use the experience that has helped other people to heal, it hasn`t work so far for me.
I have done meditation from day one, and still do. I think I have to let go and give up, before I can heal. But it's easier said than done, how are you doing that?? I am very mental strong, and I have fought this battle to hard and to long. The only work I do now is meditation, and I have started to do hypnotherapi, to see if this can help me let go. I been there 3 times now, and he said I have a very aktive and strong mind, that has difficult to let go and go in to trance. So if you or anybody else, have a knowledge to how to give up, please let me now

 

[birdsetfree]

I think I have to let go and give up, before I can heal. But it's easier said than done, how are you doing that?? I am very mental strong, and I have fought this battle to hard and to long.

Let go, yes, as in stop bargaining with the pain, anticipating it, letting it affect you. Give up, definitely not; redirect your enthusiasm to being fully engaged in whatever you are doing despite the pain. Mindfully reassure yourself when the pain comes that it is just your brain generating symptoms. See yourself as already healed but you are practising overcoming triggers of psychologically induced pain.

 

[tasy]

Thanks Birdsetfree for you reply, I`ve always tried to live my life and doing the thing I love, despite is has been very uncomfortable in last 25 years, and I still tried to do. But the last 5 years is has become more and more difficult for me, and there is not much pleasure in that. So I really don't know what to do otherwise, I feel I have tried to live the life you describe......

 

[AnonymousNick]

Repression seems to be the most misunderstood aspect of this. Unfortunately, I think Sarno set things back for some people by emphasizing the "Helen" case, where she released everything in a single emotional outburst. But that's too attractive to those of us who want to just get rid of the pain and get rid of it quickly and not really examine our lives. Sarno mentioned that there were people who didn't relate to the personality type, but he'd eventually find some kind of perfectionism in them. And a bicycle racer that doesn't have perfectionist tendencies... I'm doubtful.

It doesn't have to be some big emotional thing, I understand it as just unmet needs. It could be just the need to relax or lighten up on yourself. I remember that I was initially somewhat barking up the wrong tree with my journaling when I was putting so much emphasis on my parents and childhood. It turned out that it was more about the very simple and insignificant problem of having given up on all of my hopes and dreams! So, it turned out to be something rather big, but I was not truly consciously aware of it if you can believe that. Good luck!

 

[Andy Bayliss]

And a bicycle racer that doesn't have perfectionist tendencies... I'm doubtful.

I think you make some great points Nick. You put into words what I was hesitant to say.

Anyone, tasy who pushes themselves as hard as you do, and then denies that he is pressuring himself does have a recognizable source of tension!

I think I have to let go and give up, before I can heal. But it's easier said than done, how are you doing that?? I am very mental strong, and I have fought this battle to hard and to long. The only work I do now is meditation, and I have started to do hypnotherapi, to see if this can help me let go. I been there 3 times now, and he said I have a very aktive and strong mind, that has difficult to let go and go in to trance.

I think tasy that you're touching on some of your tendencies here. I think your intuition about "letting go" is good, and is a guidance about disengaging from pushing yourself, being in control, etc. If you can apply it to the TMS work, this is good, which it sounds like what you're doing: stopping the attempt to fix, and relaxing more about the whole constellation, regardless of how hard (and possibly discouraging to your "TMS progress") this is.

How do we let go? The way I teach it is by sensing into the direct experience of "not letting go" in the body. If we can become the tension, there is less unconscious identification with the tension, and it just "is." And just being itself it can relax. Also, in "being the tension" information will surface about why we push ourselves, try to "keep it together," and this helps us be less identified with these strategies for survival. There is more room to be in other ways.

I also think hypnotherapy is a good way to support yourself in this. It helped me, and I've seen it help others.

 

[birdsetfree]

Thanks Birdsetfree for you reply, I`ve always tried to live my life and doing the thing I love, despite is has been very uncomfortable in last 25 years, and I still tried to do. But the last 5 years is has become more and more difficult for me, and there is not much pleasure in that. So I really don't know what to do otherwise, I feel I have tried to live the life you describe......

Even though the last 5 years has become more difficult, it is all the same thing. Your mind is trying to convince you otherwise and bring you to a state of preoccupation about the pain. I agree with Andy B in that your intuition is on the right track about "letting go" so I encourage you to integrate the knowledge that there is nothing to do. You are already healed. Feel the relaxation and relief that comes with that and see the leftover symptoms as conditioning that just requires practice to overcome.

 

[tasy]

Repression seems to be the most misunderstood aspect of this. Unfortunately, I think Sarno set things back for some people by emphasizing the "Helen" case, where she released everything in a single emotional outburst. But that's too attractive to those of us who want to just get rid of the pain and get rid of it quickly and not really examine our lives. Sarno mentioned that there were people who didn't relate to the personality type, but he'd eventually find some kind of perfectionism in them. And a bicycle racer that doesn't have perfectionist tendencies... I'm doubtful.

It doesn't have to be some big emotional thing, I understand it as just unmet needs. It could be just the need to relax or lighten up on yourself. I remember that I was initially somewhat barking up the wrong tree with my journaling when I was putting so much emphasis on my parents and childhood. It turned out that it was more about the very simple and insignificant problem of having given up on all of my hopes and dreams! So, it turned out to be something rather big, but I was not truly consciously aware of it if you can believe that. Good luck!

Repression seems to be the most misunderstood aspect of this. Unfortunately, I think Sarno set things back for some people by emphasizing the "Helen" case, where she released everything in a single emotional outburst. But that's too attractive to those of us who want to just get rid of the pain and get rid of it quickly and not really examine our lives. Sarno mentioned that there were people who didn't relate to the personality type, but he'd eventually find some kind of perfectionism in them. And a bicycle racer that doesn't have perfectionist tendencies... I'm doubtful.

It doesn't have to be some big emotional thing, I understand it as just unmet needs. It could be just the need to relax or lighten up on yourself. I remember that I was initially somewhat barking up the wrong tree with my journaling when I was putting so much emphasis on my parents and childhood. It turned out that it was more about the very simple and insignificant problem of having given up on all of my hopes and dreams! So, it turned out to be something rather big, but I was not truly consciously aware of it if you can believe that. Good luck!

Repression seems to be the most misunderstood aspect of this. Unfortunately, I think Sarno set things back for some people by emphasizing the "Helen" case, where she released everything in a single emotional outburst. But that's too attractive to those of us who want to just get rid of the pain and get rid of it quickly and not really examine our lives. Sarno mentioned that there were people who didn't relate to the personality type, but he'd eventually find some kind of perfectionism in them. And a bicycle racer that doesn't have perfectionist tendencies... I'm doubtful.

It doesn't have to be some big emotional thing, I understand it as just unmet needs. It could be just the need to relax or lighten up on yourself. I remember that I was initially somewhat barking up the wrong tree with my journaling when I was putting so much emphasis on my parents and childhood. It turned out that it was more about the very simple and insignificant problem of having given up on all of my hopes and dreams! So, it turned out to be something rather big, but I was not truly consciously aware of it if you can believe that. Good luck!

 

[tasy]

I think you make some great points Nick. You put into words what I was hesitant to say.

Anyone, tasy who pushes themselves as hard as you do, and then denies that he is pressuring himself does have a recognizable source of tension!



I think tasy that you're touching on some of your tendencies here. I think your intuition about "letting go" is good, and is a guidance about disengaging from pushing yourself, being in control, etc. If you can apply it to the TMS work, this is good, which it sounds like what you're doing: stopping the attempt to fix, and relaxing more about the whole constellation, regardless of how hard (and possibly discouraging to your "TMS progress") this is.

How do we let go? The way I teach it is by sensing into the direct experience of "not letting go" in the body. If we can become the tension, there is less unconscious identification with the tension, and it just "is." And just being itself it can relax. Also, in "being the tension" information will surface about why we push ourselves, try to "keep it together," and this helps us be less identified with these strategies for survival. There is more room to be in other ways.

I also think hypnotherapy is a good way to support yourself in this. It helped me, and I've seen it help others.

 

[tasy]

Thank you all for your reply. There is something wrong in this post, I can`t reply individually on your post :-( So this is to all.......
Hi Nick, you got me ;-) Maybe I have some perfectionist in me, especially when it is something that really interests me, but I will say, it is not my main character. I can relate to what you say about letting go of your dreams. I've always had a strong sense of what I want to do, and I have been targeting that. And when you realized, that you can`t do what you want and love, it is very frustrating, and it give you more tension.
I must tell, that I don`t push my self anymore. I only do a little training, just to maintain my body, and it is not nice to do. I don`t work anymore, just doing some Volunteering. I sold my house, my car and allmost everything I own. I moved in a small room and live very minimalist, And I do not miss anything materialistic. So I'm really trying to let go of everything.
About just being in the tension, and accept it, is very difficult. It's like asking me to take my arms away from my head while some hit one with a baseball bat. So how do you convince your brain to do it? I`ve have been on a long journey, but now when I`m in my darkest moment, I´m confident, that I`m finally in the right room, I just have to find the right key, to the right door......
I`m very grateful for all your help, and I can use your advice. ButI still looking for tools to get me through that door, so I still open for suggestions