I am back ...

Hello friends

I took sometime off from the wiki to see if I can do some self discovery and healing, well lets just say it was not good ..I finally got my divorce as some of you may know I was going threw...very painful would not wish it anybody , but glad its over (BUT VERY PAINFUL).

My pain as moved around alot been going threw major anxiety issues , actually had such a bad attach it put me backin the hospital for 48 hrs could not speak lost voice..Dr thought it was a heart attach or I overdosed, thx god I was not alone and with my daughter.

My pain is much worse than ever, nothing as helped me at all thx god I have a TMS Dr, but even he saw how bad I was and gave me some meds but just made me sicker, I am slamming my head against the wall its been so long that this pain as consumed me especially at night.

I am seeing a therpist just to unload my feeling, she has become very tms savy she as educated herself over the year and has become understanding of my pain..

When I was in the hospital every test was done along with brain MRI and cat scans xrays and teh whole work up and of course all normal...THX GOD.

My fear and lonelyness is driving my pain , but as pain gets worse back to dr and the cycle continues...I wanted to change my doctor so many times but he as kept me grounded and trying to get me threw , he told me I was close to healing ....but need to give up the thought of any medical issues..

I am forcing him to test me for lyme and metal poising , but he told me he would but I am just feeding the beast.

Even though I was in a terrible marriage with a cheating wife, I had a sense of home family house when, even though we slept in different rooms..I was not alone I had my kids, my pets and a identity. Now that I have my own place my kids and my dogs...Also I am with a wonderful women who understand my pain issues and his nothing but great ....at times I tell her to go and find soemone who is not in pain I tell her you are to wonderful to be stuck with me. ( MORE SELF SABOTAGE).

I have reached out to Steve O for support and has been helpful, but I cant seem to find the way out. I am here to start over again with this great place of understanding and knowledge..

I didnt want to come back on until I had a success story to tell, so this is my starting from scrtach story.

Marco

 

I sent you a private message, then saw this. I'm sorry you are in such pain. It sounds like you are still stuck in a horrible fear/doubt cycle which as you know is an awful place to be. You seem to have caring people in your life which is a huge plus. I really hope that you can let go of some of this fear and become open to what your TMS therapist is telling you.

Marco, there is hope!
Debbie

 

Hope and faith

 

Welcome back, Boston. Sorry to hear of all your difficulties. I assume that when people are absent from the Forum, it is because they have recovered and are out enjoying life. Guess I am really an optimist at heart. You have been missed.

I think your way out of your suffering is through relinquishing your story that you are a victim. Seeing ourselves as victims is enraging. I suggest exploring the paths of forgiveness and living in the present. That's where healing lies.

Sending you my best wishes.......

 

Hi Boston ,

Sorry to hear you are struglin, and hope things will improve soon.
Maybe you marriage finaly ending, painfull as it was , is a change for a real new start.
You mentioned your identity : maybe you in your unhappy relationship was not your identity : but you thought it was. Maybe this is a change to get past the pain of that and really get to the real you : who also was there but hidden ? I know how desperate life in pain can be and it can totally change everythimg and effect everything: but : .. i also know now that change can come even when you think all is lost .
Maybe take time to breath and heal and know that you are doing all you can do now : talking , healing. You have love and feel love : that is a big plus. Allow yourself some space
I wish you Well

Karina

 

Hi Boston,

I am glad to get your news, even though you are in suffering right now. I am happy that you have the support network that you do: the physician, therapist, partner, and so on. I hope you can rest in their support. It is real.

Andy B

 

It's Spring, the sun is shining and you are in a better place (literally). Put your love, faith and focus into all the good things in your life and use this new start to break the TMS deadlock. You can do it Marco.

Plum x

 

Thx you Plum needed that

 

Hey Marco,

It's nice to see you again, but I'm sorry it's under such circumstances.

I remember thinking to myself, how courageous you were for leaving your previous situation.

I'm most certain with this new environment, girlfriend and solid support network, you will be able to find peace. And with that will come love and a sense of, emotional and physical well-being.

Hang on in there and please be kind to yourself. I'm praying for you my good friend.

 

I admire your willingness to tell us where you're at. I don't know how long your marriage was, but it hasn't been over that long. Please have compassion for yourself. You didn't marry her thinking that it would end. It's not a transition you anticipated. I hope you keep your hope and faith.

p/s: KC Royals!!

 

Thx you both ... mike nice to be back where people understand ... MW was married for 22 yrs ..