Day 1 How will I KNOW when I've uncovered the problem emotions?

[grateful_mama]

Hi everybody! I just wrote out my story in my profile, and as it's a bit long, I'll just abbreviate (feel free to read the full story).

I'm a new (first-time) mom, with a 3 month old baby, and a long history of various TMS symptoms. I am a total perfectionist, and actually have no problem being emotional and sensitive, so it's hard for me to determine which issues might be causing the pain. My current pain is mainly in my wrists ("mommy thumb" tendonitis) and back, with a bit of shoulder pain, and ongoing foot pain to a lesser extent. All of it comes and goes, but the tendonitis is pretty constant, and currently a big problem. I also fear the back pain, as it's completely debilitating when it strikes.

I picked up "Healing Back Pain" a few weeks ago, and (coincidentally?) threw out my back that very night. I was in bed all the next day, and after crying dramatically and tragically about my miserable state, I started reading the book that...(hell, I'll get prophetic and make a bold statement)...changed my life. Thus far, it's completely changed my perspective and hope...yet it hasn't completely changed the pain (or my life, yet), so I'm looking for some encouragement, and I'm going to continue trying. Because I have a baby, it's hard to be consistent, and find time to journal, meditate, read, do affirmations, etc, etc. But I'm really trying. I started this Educational online program to give myself something to stick with. So this is the new official "Day 1" though I've already been doing reading and affirmations the past few weeks, with occasional journalling (and lots of thinking about this new fabulous Dr. Sarno fellow). I forced myself not to Google TMS for at least 2-3 weeks because I didn't want to read a bunch of disgruntled negative reviews that would rain on my new parade. Happily, I found this positive, encouraging community, and also see that there's a documentary forthcoming! Sorry to be so late to the party!

I'm a serious perfectionist. Big problem, I know. It can paralyze me in my artistic (or all) pursuits, and I feel like that's the main source of my repressed rage, though it could be anything. Seriously. There's a million new possible emotions as a new mom (Anger towards the baby? My husband? that one isn't so repressed. Fear of being too much like my mother? Fear of raising this child with as many issues as I have? I already fear her teen years if she's anything like I was.) And there's my own childhood stuff...middle child issues, lots of insecurities, jealousy/rage towards my "perfect" sister, fear of upsetting my easy-to-anger, quick-to-yell father, etc. etc. Murders of classmates when I was in high school...constant fear of people dying...PTSD of a sort...my husband is laughing at the length of my "abbreviated" post. Sorry y'all! There's so much stuff in my brain at all times, it's no wonder I have TMS.

So. How do I know which emotion is THE ONE? Do I need to just keep rehashing all of them? Journalling about everything? It seems like this will take years! Maybe, in my case, it's dozens and dozens of built up stressors. I already had one meditation session where I ended up sobbing for myself as a little girl, who just needed to be loved. This stuff is intense. But my wrist pain remains.

I welcome any suggestions, help, encouragement, tips, etc. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this community!

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Hi everybody! I just wrote out my story in my profile, and as it's a bit long, I'll just abbreviate (feel free to read the full story).

I'm a new (first-time) mom, with a 3 month old baby,

Welcome. You have a lot of know how as what needs to be said.

You understand stressors need to be dealt with. Mostly at this stage journaling about them and feeling the emotions attached to those stressors will help you along.
For instance alot of our stressors are our reactions to past, present and future thoughts that bother us unconsciously which happen all at once in the form of what we call a trigger or we build them up through the day consciously. In the form of why me? Why did they do that? I should have done better! He/she shouldn't have been there! This happens because we are conditioned to react this way, we recondition through learning stop anger and fear at ourselves and others while learning to soothe our selves while feeling emotions repressed and learning to be at peace with life again.

This list can go on forever, I'd focus on what am I consciously thinking in the moment and reacting to - then don't react but feel the emotions attached to that reaction. If the emotion is anger, feel the anger without reacting in anger. Don't become a part of the anger or fear or grief, just feel it, let it be there in your body and then soon, like minutes the emotion will ease up. This is a step toward progress. It sometimes can take a few of these feeling the emotions processes to get the ball rolling. There are great post all here you can look up that will help you more when you need it.
Also, ease into all of this, be patient with yourself.
This will take time. You said what do I need to do, well all you mentioned above like affirmations to soothe your inner child and your sensitization. Awareness to be on top of your reactions to your stressors and how to learn not to react so much in fear or anger but just be at peace with what is, this is a powerful feeling. Learning not to react to our stressors the eventually triggers.
Meditations are for the calming of your over loaded nervous system.
Journaling is to get all that's in your head onto paper so you can journal and feel those emotions. You will need to feel the emotions then release them. This is done by knowing that emotions is just a sensation in the body, when you just feel, without reacting to the emotion. It will soon know you are paying attention, it wull get weaker and weaker and soon dissipate.

no problem being emotional. A long history of various TMS symptoms. I am a total perfectionist and sensitivea serious perfectionist. Big problem, I know. It can paralyze me in my artistic (or all) pursuits, and I feel like that's the main source of my repressed rage, though it could be anything. Seriously. There's a million new possible emotions as a new mom (Anger towards the baby? My husband? that one isn't so repressed. Fear of being too much like my mother? Fear of raising this child with as many issues as I have? I already fear her teen years if she's anything like I was.) And there's my own childhood stuff...middle child issues, lots of insecurities, jealousy/rage towards my "perfect" sister, fear of upsetting my easy-to-anger, quick-to-yell father, etc. etc. Murders of classmates when I was in high school...constant fear of people dying...PTSD of a sort...my husband is laughing at the length of my "abbreviated" post. Sorry y'all! There's so much stuff in my brain at all times, it's no wonder I have TMS.. It's hard for me to determine which issues might be causing the pain.

Your perfectionist and sensitive. TMS personality.

So. How do I know which emotion is THE ONE? Do I need to just keep rehashing all of them? Journalling about everything? It seems like this will take years! Maybe, in my case, it's dozens and dozens of built up stressors. I already had one meditation session where I ended up sobbing for myself as a little girl, who just needed to be loved. This stuff is intense. But my wrist pain remains.

I welcome any suggestions, help, encouragement, tips, etc. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this community!

You are on day 1. Take it slow, 1 step at a time. Ease through the SEP Program and keep letting us know how your progressing.
There's not just one emotion, it's a combination of all your current, past, and future stressors.
I'd concentrate on the present stressors as of now. If they correlate to the past trauma you've been through then journal about that too but take it slow and easy.
You have already made a breakthrough when you cryed about some of your stress and trauma so just take baby steps and ease on.
You are at the very beginning of healing yourself.
There will be lots more great advice to be given to you by our board of awesome members, coaches, Drs. And therapist. Just don't blow up on anyone in your family or yourself.
Soothe yourself with affirmations of peace, love and joy. Repeatedly say and feel those words over and over throughout your day to calm down your sensitization.
You will do fine.
Bless you

 

[Ellen]

So. How do I know which emotion is THE ONE? Do I need to just keep rehashing all of them? Journalling about everything? It seems like this will take years! Maybe, in my case, it's dozens and dozens of built up stressors. I already had one meditation session where I ended up sobbing for myself as a little girl, who just needed to be loved. This stuff is intense. But my wrist pain remains.

I welcome any suggestions, help, encouragement, tips, etc. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this community!

Welcome to the Forum! You are off to a great start on your road to recovery. I think the following post by Steve Ozanich answers your question well. It's not about finding "the one" emotion, but uncovering our patterns of thinking and behavior that are triggering our TMS.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/seeking-the-grail.529/#post-3927 (Steven Ozanich - Seeking the Grail)

Keep reading and doing the SEP. Let us know how you're doing. Feel free to ask questions at any time.

 

[grateful_mama]

Also, ease into all of this, be patient with yourself.

Herbie, so many thanks! All of what you said is so encouraging, and this nugget is really important. I always expect instant gratification, and get frustrated when things don't happen quickly. But I will focus on patience, and loving myself. I feel like I have a good start, having gotten into meditation and self-helpery in the past couple years. I understand and "know" a lot of what needs to be done. It's the putting it into action that is tricky for me. I can read and learn and read and learn for years... (indeed, I have). Now it's time for action! Even if that "action" means consciously breathing and feeling and taking time to affirm myself with love. A couple years ago I read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and it was all about staying present. I may need to revisit that
The day I started reading "Healing Back Pain" I announced to myself "Tomorrow is the last day I will ever have back pain!" And it was clearly a bit premature. I just didn't have everything fully integrated into my sub/unconscious yet, and I set myself up to be discouraged when I did have some lingering pain.
So. Patience.
Thank you so much for your considerate reply. I know I can do this!

 

[grateful_mama]

Welcome to the Forum! You are off to a great start on your road to recovery. I think the following post by Steve Ozanich answers your question well. It's not about finding "the one" emotion, but uncovering our patterns of thinking and behavior that are triggering our TMS.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/seeking-the-grail.529/#post-3927 (Steven Ozanich - Seeking the Grail)

Keep reading and doing the SEP. Let us know how you're doing. Feel free to ask questions at any time.

Ellen, this is a great post that totally addresses my question, and very helpful. I need to not be a perfectionist about one single way to solve this pain problem.
Thank you for sharing!

 

[K0440]

Just wanted to say hi. I'm a fellow new(ish) mom that also suffers from TMS that started immediately after having my baby a year ago forming as chronic pelvic pain. This program has helped me so much, slowly but surely. Just be patient and kind to yourself - things can get crazy when there is a baby in the house! But even my kiddo getting older and things getting easier has also helped a lot! Hang in there and keep going! This will work!

 

[grateful_mama]

Just wanted to say hi. I'm a fellow new(ish) mom that also suffers from TMS that started immediately after having my baby a year ago forming as chronic pelvic pain. This program has helped me so much, slowly but surely. Just be patient and kind to yourself - things can get crazy when there is a baby in the house! But even my kiddo getting older and things getting easier has also helped a lot! Hang in there and keep going! This will work!

Hi! Thanks for the encouragement! I'm sometimes having a little trouble believing in the diagnosis, because the pain patterns are so physical. But I know it's TMS. I think. I know. I think. No, I know. The stupid internet probably put the idea of "mommy thumb" into my head. This tendonitis is so frustrating. But I think maybe it's starting to get better. I have hope! Glad to see that it's working for you. Moms have so many suppressed/repressed emotions just as a general rule, because we have to make sacrifices for our children. No matter how much self-care we manage to get in. It's 11:25pm and I barely managed to get 5 minutes of meditation in today. Finally getting to the program now, which will make for a tired start tomorrow. Sigh.

 

[EileenS]

Welcome to the forum grateful_mama and big hug to you. Although my boys are now 21 & 23, I remember those new mama days with their raw emotions well. Don't get ahead of yourself worrying about their teen years. It's a long way away and they might be the opposite of what you're afraid of. Journal about your teen years and that worry instead.
I think it's good for perfectionists to have a baby because eventually we have to learn that babies defy perfectionism. They come with free will. When I had my first I was in a new mother & baby group. I was feeling inadequate because some of the mothers would have cleaned the house, showered, and applied perfect makeup by 11am when we would meet, whereas I had only managed to shower. (perfectionism, competing) As our children grew older, I realized that our kids were very different by nature and that's what made the difference in our schedules. Do the SEP program when you can, keep up the journaling when you can, and enjoy every moment of your new baby; all the ups and all the downs. Stay with the present and the future will look after itself.

 

[grateful_mama]

I was feeling inadequate because some of the mothers would have cleaned the house, showered, and applied perfect makeup by 11am when we would meet, whereas I had only managed to shower. (perfectionism, competing)

Yeah, how do they do it?! Thanks so much for the welcome hug. I was tearing up reading your message, speaking of emotional. I'm trying to enjoy each moment. My daughter is amazing. Doing the best I can, and trying to let it be enough. Thank you.