How to trust myself?

[whitewatersmetta]

I've been having amazing results over the past 8 months with the work of Sarno, A. Gordon, Schecter, and Schubiner.

But I have a few pretty stubborn lingering areas of pain. And it seems like these pains are really so determined to protect myself from myself. To serve as a (literally) constant reminder that I have to be kinder to myself than I have been for most of my life. And, you know, that's fair? I do worry that without the pain, how will I remember to take care of myself, when my habits are so strongly oriented toward self- criticism, pressure, and fear, etc.?

But I'm totally committed to treating myself like a person who matters. And I practice it every day. And I'd like the pain to give me a chance to prove myself....that I CAN treat myself well, without the pain. Just give me a chance, you know?

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone out there has struggled with this or has any advice to offer?

 

[Rainstorm B]

Yes! And you are already doing it right here:

And, you know, that's fair? I do worry that without the pain, how will I remember to take care of myself, when my habits are so strongly oriented toward self- criticism, pressure, and fear, etc.?
But I'm totally committed to treating myself like a person who matters. And I practice it every day. And I'd like the pain to give me a chance to prove myself....that I CAN treat myself well, without the pain. Just give me a chance, you know?

I found what you wrote there really moving - it demonstrates such kindness and commitment to yourself and so much insight and understanding of the pain’s purpose. By talking to the pain and telling it you totally get why it’s there, you are beginning to build trust with the part of you that believes keeping you in pain is the only way to keep you safe. Telling it that you get where it’s coming from, but that you can now be with your feelings is the first step to it being able to relax.
In my experience, it bears a LOT of repetition to sink in!
I wonder if you are still fearing the pain somewhat?

You can make the process more concrete by journaling it - whatever works for you really. But I think you’re on the right path already.
Wishing you well
Rx

 

[whitewatersmetta]

Thank you Rainstorm B. Your kindness is really helpful to me.

You are right about the repetition...I keep reading and reading different sources, which is immensely helpful, but maybe I could focus more on telling myself what I need to hear more often. It helps hearing that you have found success, but needed a lot of repetition for it to happen. It gives me hope and motivation

I am definitely still fearing the pain...I'm 100% sure in my head that it is TMS, but my gut is slower to get it. I need some repetition in that area to, I think. You know, I sort of lapsed in my journaling...but I'm getting back into my efforts now. Thanks so much for all your insights!

 

[TG957]

I've been having amazing results over the past 8 months with the work of Sarno, A. Gordon, Schecter, and Schubiner.

But I have a few pretty stubborn lingering areas of pain. And it seems like these pains are really so determined to protect myself from myself. To serve as a (literally) constant reminder that I have to be kinder to myself than I have been for most of my life. And, you know, that's fair? I do worry that without the pain, how will I remember to take care of myself, when my habits are so strongly oriented toward self- criticism, pressure, and fear, etc.?

But I'm totally committed to treating myself like a person who matters. And I practice it every day. And I'd like the pain to give me a chance to prove myself....that I CAN treat myself well, without the pain. Just give me a chance, you know?

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone out there has struggled with this or has any advice to offer?

To experience doubts is very normal. There is nothing wrong or right about it, it is in human nature. Since TMS personality is often associated with obsessiveness, that makes the doubt even more inevitable. In addition to repetition, I recommend a daily exercise of reviewing the progress with the greatest degree of benevolence to yourself. You should not demand reduction in symptoms from yourself. You can give yourself credit for trying things, for not having as many negative thoughts as before, etc. Those small changes towards positive thinking will eventually, fueled by your great patience for yourself, lead to reduction in symptoms.

 

[embodydami]

I can't even tell you how much I relate to this post. I have broke down crying many times saying " I know its TMS, I know I will continue this type of self love without the pain. Why do I still have to be in pain all the time?! I dont need the distraction anymore, etc" so frustrated... I have managed to keep my TMS pain away except for when I have plans of something I really want to do.. When I am really looking forward to something, I have instant fear that the pain will come and ruin it. Because its happened so many times in the past. And of course the fear triggers the pain.. I am in this awful loop. If I have plans for something I am not hell-bent on enjoying, I don't have the pain! The pressure is not there. I am going to try daily journaling that its safe for me to make plans and really try to work on the fear and pressure. I hope it has gotten better for you!! Im curious for an update

 

[whitewatersmetta]

I can't even tell you how much I relate to this post. I have broke down crying many times saying " I know its TMS, I know I will continue this type of self love without the pain. Why do I still have to be in pain all the time?! I dont need the distraction anymore, etc" so frustrated... I have managed to keep my TMS pain away except for when I have plans of something I really want to do.. When I am really looking forward to something, I have instant fear that the pain will come and ruin it. Because its happened so many times in the past. And of course the fear triggers the pain.. I am in this awful loop. If I have plans for something I am not hell-bent on enjoying, I don't have the pain! The pressure is not there. I am going to try daily journaling that its safe for me to make plans and really try to work on the fear and pressure. I hope it has gotten better for you!! Im curious for an update

Embodydami my heart goes out to you. At this point, I have nothing of substance to update. I have amazing moments of pain free existence. Actually, that IS something of substance to update because it's been over a decade since I've had moments of no-pain. But they are usually pretty short and then I get discouraged and it's like they never happened at all. If I can just keep it all in perspective then I see how much progress I've made and that everyday I have good signs. The fear and pressure when pain returns, though, in the moment, gives me tunnel vision and it's all I can see.

I am definitely noticing that my re-commitment to journaling is helping. And I'm trying to be more active with my expressions of self-love. There's still such hurt inside of me and I want to be like, dude I told you I love you now, and I did a bunch of nice things for you, so can't we be done with this pain bullshit? But the emotional pain is still pretty raw (and I can understand why) and so it's like that child that still needs a lot of nurturing and attention. I'm finding all the books by Tara Brach to be very helpful in giving me deeper and more active ways of expressing my love to myself. She also has a lot of podcast interviews. I hope that your approaches are working for you, too!

 

[whitewatersmetta]

To experience doubts is very normal. There is nothing wrong or right about it, it is in human nature. Since TMS personality is often associated with obsessiveness, that makes the doubt even more inevitable. In addition to repetition, I recommend a daily exercise of reviewing the progress with the greatest degree of benevolence to yourself. You should not demand reduction in symptoms from yourself. You can give yourself credit for trying things, for not having as many negative thoughts as before, etc. Those small changes towards positive thinking will eventually, fueled by your great patience for yourself, lead to reduction in symptoms.

This is fantastic advice, TG957, and very very relevant to me...I definitely have obsessive tendencies. I love the recommendation of daily review of progress and I'll start today!