1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Our TMS drop-in chat is tomorrow (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern (now on US Standard Time) . It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support, with BruceMC as your host. Look for the red Chat flag on top of the menu bar!

How to tell someone to stop doing something?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Freedom, Apr 23, 2017.

  1. Freedom

    Freedom Peer Supporter

    So I am identifying sources of stress (they are rather obvious actually), and one of them recently has been my roommate.

    I'm not sure why, because he didn't use to bother me in the past, but I seem to keep noticing things he is doing that annoy me, and they all relate to the idea that I perceive him as being inconsiderate. Of course since these are habitual, I seem to lately be angry on a regular basis.

    I'm wondering how I can get rid this by asking him to stop these things, although my worries are:
    1. They seemed to have piled up and I cant attack them all at once
    2. I've heard you should always tell someone 3 positive things before you tell them something negative
    2b. People in general don't respond to negative criticism
    2c. Maybe I should try to make a list of things I like and appreciate from him and start telling him these?
    3. But either way what is the best way to get him to stop doing these things?
    (I mentioned one the other day , I started out "Hey when you put these knives in the dishwasher can you..." and immediately before I finished my sentence he goes "No" sarcastically. I imagine he will probably start doing it now though)

    (Don't necessarily need to read the rest of this, mainly me ranting)Some of these things like:
    1. He wakes up earlier than me in mornings and makes noise especially when he is in the kitchen. He does not lightly grab pans, he lets things bang around making as much noise as possible (<--this is where I started noticing everything else)
    2. Leaving knives in dishwasher pointy end up, where I can easily cut myself
    3. Leaving other places dirty (numerous), like putting raw meat on counter and not cleaning it
    4. leaving ice cube trays unfilled (I realize this is not a big deal, but after being annoyed at other things it becomes easy to tack other things on)
    List goes on......
  2. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Hi Freedom,

    When I realized all my pain and disability was due to miscommunication, I looked for effective ways to express my concerns so that the other person would lisren and respond positively. Just getting out of my sustem did a kot to releive tension.

    In chapter seven of Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain I discuss in some detail effective communication steps that you can apply to such delicate situarions. They are:

    1. Always choose an appropriate time
    2. Make it clear that you want to discuss something important
    3. Defuse the situation
    4. Identify what you are feeling
    5. Express your feelings
    6. Be specific, positive, and do not talk too much
    7. Never make assumptions, ask questions
    8. Be a concerened, compassionate listener
    9. Acknowledge what the other person is saying

    In most cases, I have noticed, that once the other person realizes how their actions are making you feel, they are more than willing to accommodate.

    Take care,

Share This Page