Alex B. how to talk about tms

[bachman]

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Question

After 2 and a half years of pain and suffering. from the very, very bad acute to the chronic I discovered DR John Sarno and made more progress in the last 4-6 weeks than ever before

Very Happy Days!

I'm working hard on a daily basis, reading the books over and over and doing journal exercises and getting back to exercise amongst other things

One thing I am concerned about is with my best improvements will come questions from interested parties from friends and family to the few customers I've been able to still work with.

By concerned, I simply mean that I do not want any conversation to undermine what I am still in the process of achieving

After all, it can be a tough subject for others to understand and I don't particularly want to get into any conversation that sabotages the progress I have made by suddenly getting into a full blown discussion with questions flying from all angles

Given that shortish background, I was wondering if you have any advice as to what to say when anyone closer to you asks what you are doing?

How do you best tell them about TMS?

Saying I was seeing a spinal consultant, a physio, an osteopath, a nutritionist or trying alternative therapies etc etc was straightforward

Worst case, I don't want to get overly frustrated and angry by any one person overly simplifying and assuming it to have 'all been in the head'.

Many Thanks
Mike

 

[Alex Bloom LCSW]

Answer

Hi Mike, thanks for the question, it's an interesting one!

One thing you can tell people is that by taking better care of yourself you've found that it helps you to deal with the pain, which seems to be an accurate representation to me. If they ask for details you can talk about being kinder to yourself, less judgmental and self-punishing etc.. Do you find that talking about these things upsets you do people express doubt that it actually works? If it's the former, I would encourage you to try to understand why discussing these things bothers you. There may be something that you don't feel comfortable with unconsciously that could in fact be important for you to understand. If it's the latter, try to remind yourself that the doubts of others doesn't really matter; you're the most important part of the process and if it's working for you that's all that matters!

I have found that when you frame TMS treatment in the context of "taking better care" of yourself, most people understand and make sense of it.

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[bachman]

Thanks Alex - I've only just seen the response so I'm having a time to reflect on the question you relayed back

In summary I think it fits into a subset of personality traits such as being perfect, a sense of guilt/shame and getting hostile that are maybe coming up again

Going to have a good old fashioned journal exploration and see what that comes up with.

Many thanks

 

[hecate105]

I struggled with this too. I needed to avoid almost all family members for a good 6 months when i was first working on the tms. I got my husband to say that i was taking time out to work on myself and i wouldn't be available for family 'dos' etc. They all thought this was weird and selfish. So i carried on and did my tms work and got healed and they carried on thinking i was weird!
When i re started visits they asked what i had been doing, how i had healed my so called 'fibromyalgia' - but when i started explaining they glazed over and changed the subject. I felt hurt. So now i just say - i had TMS not fibro, google tmswiki and it will explain all you want to know (which often isn;t much!) or read any book by John Sarno. I have copies if you want to borrow one.
Mostly they don't - which is their loss. Some have, and 2 are doing the ESP - very slowly....
You can give people the info without leaving yourself open to ridicule, disbelief, searching questions etc. People can be closed minded and do not realise how harsh/critical they come across. So do yourself a favour - put the ball in their court - if they have a serious interest - they will look it up or read the books, if not - what's the point!?
The important thing is how you are, that you get healed and that you have a good life. That is the only thing you can truly control - and is your only responsibility.
It has helped me realise that although i love my family - I am not going to warp myself by trying to always please them, those days are gone.....!
So put yourself first...

 

[bachman]

Thanks for your input Jo

You're right!
I think in the past (even as recent as last week) I'd be almost dying to educate anyone else
I would want to ensure they get it
That they do not misinterpret what I tell them
I would have resented that

Now I'm getting that none of this matters
To be kind to myself
And the easiest way of doing that is to simply tell them to go and read the book because thats the only way you are going to get it (right now)

At some point I do really want to tell my story and anyone can go and read that but for now its me first

 

[BeWell]

[Deleted at BeWell's request]