How to prevent TMS

Sarno told us that ultimately the object is to PREVENT TMS from occurring. After doing this for a minute (25yrs+) I thought I would Share my prevention techniques with people. We have discussed this a lot, but this is what I would do on paper, alone.
I have had a LOT of TMS around my two sons who are the closest people in my life.
After getting symptoms and writing, a few stand out as recurring. This is helpful at preventing a new outbreak by 'self-talk' in real time as the TMS-provoking situations arise.

So, yesterday my Truck took a holiday out of nowhere. It gets me ANGRY because I drive like a grandma and always put extra $$ into making sure I am NEVER DEPENDENT on anyone.....

I normally like to chit-chat at work...construction is so boring sometimes. Rabbits, Dogs, Guitars, History, Physics, Biology...anything we learn away from work, we always share with each other. When I get in these kind of situations, I get Reeeeeeally quiet and go inside. Like a hawk looking down at the ground for something to pop it's head out of a hole.
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So I have had a light work schedule lately ( TMS landmine, FEAR, $, Jealous).
I was supposed to start a long , profitable job today....and then My Truck took a timeout. It's either a blown head gasket, or I cracked the block and need a new motor (Trapped, Fear, $$, and more, immobile, can't take Sophie to the creeks)

My oldest Son came over to try and help me. He is very effective at a LOT of things (Jealousy? Dependency)
After spending a couple hours working on it, is when I got the bad news on the truck ($,Anger,Fear,Pride)

He offered to do the Immensely expensive repair himself. Of course I accepted (Shame, Male issues, dependency issues)
He also made a few calls and got me lined up with a Back-up truck for the interim . I am borrowing my Younger Son's Truck (Family, Guilt, shame, $, Pride, Male issues)
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I have a hard time asking people for help. When they give it, I get really uncomfortable. I am supposed to be helping others, not being helped!!!! BTW, that even happens when I get TMS sometimes. "Physician, Heal thyself!"

And of course, Get the Books out. It reminds us who we are.

I thought I would post this because it is real, not hypothetical. This is the real life from which TMS springs

 

Love it. Love your wisdom.

 

Have the biggest flair I’ve had: traveling to another country alone for my Mom’s memorial, dependent on sister there and on myself, cat is in end of life and just got mauled by another cat was told he also had cancer (but now maybe not) - was reminded my bestie passed away from cancer many years ago, two social events -makes me fear rejection because a former friend I cut off will be there, current news and happenings & big financial responsibility which directly effect me. oh, lots to unpack and lots of triggers. Good to be reminded others are there too and have my back.
We’ve got yours @Baseball65

 

This is huge for me, too! And it relates directly back to not having someone (parents) lovingly meet our needs as kids. We learned to only rely on ourselves. But, in life, it’s unrealistic to Never need help. Everyone needs help sometimes. And the problem is, the older we get, we probably will need help more than in the past. So the core grief/anger is what happened when we were little. Feeling so vulnerable. Convincing ourselves we could take care of ourselves. Vowing to never take anything from the Mean Parent, who we needed. So, the bad feelings you have are more coming from that. And you need to give yourself a hug for that loss. Hug your child within (yes! Hippie stuff!) Then take little Marc out to shoot guns at old furniture and beat things with baseball bats.

 

I worry about being a burden and this feeling is growing stronger the older I get.

 

Me too. It's difficult for me to ask for help but I'm learning to get better at it. I realized I avoid asking for help because I don't want to be a burden & I feel ashamed. I think this definitely came from my childhood. I can't pinpoint exactly from when but I do think it has to do with unmet needs for sure.

 

I also hate asking for help, being the burdon.
I know exactly where it came from. Mental abuse can hide as love. Generational sh*t!

 

@Baseball65 , what an excellent DIY therapy session! I hate asking for help, too! And I love it when somebody offers me help, but I have a hard time accepting it. Also, loved your survey, too. Interesting that TMS people are all into dogs. I propose adding snakes to your list, I have met people who had snakes as pets, and they were always a mystery to me. Not the snakes, but their owners :=).