How to prevent TMS

Sarno told us that ultimately the object is to PREVENT TMS from occurring. After doing this for a minute (25yrs+) I thought I would Share my prevention techniques with people. We have discussed this a lot, but this is what I would do on paper, alone.
I have had a LOT of TMS around my two sons who are the closest people in my life.
After getting symptoms and writing, a few stand out as recurring. This is helpful at preventing a new outbreak by 'self-talk' in real time as the TMS-provoking situations arise.

So, yesterday my Truck took a holiday out of nowhere. It gets me ANGRY because I drive like a grandma and always put extra $$ into making sure I am NEVER DEPENDENT on anyone.....

I normally like to chit-chat at work...construction is so boring sometimes. Rabbits, Dogs, Guitars, History, Physics, Biology...anything we learn away from work, we always share with each other. When I get in these kind of situations, I get Reeeeeeally quiet and go inside. Like a hawk looking down at the ground for something to pop it's head out of a hole.
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So I have had a light work schedule lately ( TMS landmine, FEAR, $, Jealous).
I was supposed to start a long , profitable job today....and then My Truck took a timeout. It's either a blown head gasket, or I cracked the block and need a new motor (Trapped, Fear, $$, and more, immobile, can't take Sophie to the creeks)

My oldest Son came over to try and help me. He is very effective at a LOT of things (Jealousy? Dependency)
After spending a couple hours working on it, is when I got the bad news on the truck ($,Anger,Fear,Pride)

He offered to do the Immensely expensive repair himself. Of course I accepted (Shame, Male issues, dependency issues)
He also made a few calls and got me lined up with a Back-up truck for the interim . I am borrowing my Younger Son's Truck (Family, Guilt, shame, $, Pride, Male issues)
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I have a hard time asking people for help. When they give it, I get really uncomfortable. I am supposed to be helping others, not being helped!!!! BTW, that even happens when I get TMS sometimes. "Physician, Heal thyself!"

And of course, Get the Books out. It reminds us who we are.

I thought I would post this because it is real, not hypothetical. This is the real life from which TMS springs

 

Love it. Love your wisdom.

 

Have the biggest flair I’ve had: traveling to another country alone for my Mom’s memorial, dependent on sister there and on myself, cat is in end of life and just got mauled by another cat was told he also had cancer (but now maybe not) - was reminded my bestie passed away from cancer many years ago, two social events -makes me fear rejection because a former friend I cut off will be there, current news and happenings & big financial responsibility which directly effect me. oh, lots to unpack and lots of triggers. Good to be reminded others are there too and have my back.
We’ve got yours @Baseball65

 

This is huge for me, too! And it relates directly back to not having someone (parents) lovingly meet our needs as kids. We learned to only rely on ourselves. But, in life, it’s unrealistic to Never need help. Everyone needs help sometimes. And the problem is, the older we get, we probably will need help more than in the past. So the core grief/anger is what happened when we were little. Feeling so vulnerable. Convincing ourselves we could take care of ourselves. Vowing to never take anything from the Mean Parent, who we needed. So, the bad feelings you have are more coming from that. And you need to give yourself a hug for that loss. Hug your child within (yes! Hippie stuff!) Then take little Marc out to shoot guns at old furniture and beat things with baseball bats.

 

I worry about being a burden and this feeling is growing stronger the older I get.

 

Me too. It's difficult for me to ask for help but I'm learning to get better at it. I realized I avoid asking for help because I don't want to be a burden & I feel ashamed. I think this definitely came from my childhood. I can't pinpoint exactly from when but I do think it has to do with unmet needs for sure.

 

I also hate asking for help, being the burdon.
I know exactly where it came from. Mental abuse can hide as love. Generational sh*t!

 

@Baseball65 , what an excellent DIY therapy session! I hate asking for help, too! And I love it when somebody offers me help, but I have a hard time accepting it. Also, loved your survey, too. Interesting that TMS people are all into dogs. I propose adding snakes to your list, I have met people who had snakes as pets, and they were always a mystery to me. Not the snakes, but their owners :=).

 

Laughed out loud at this as this! So, so can relate. I always need more details before I can offer an informed response.

 

@Baseball65 !!! This is BRILLIANT!!!! You're REBT'd it in an excellent way!! I asked my robot to detail it. Here it is....

Hi - this is a post from the TMSWiki please read it. I think Baseball65 has done a great job REBT'd his thoughts.

Yes—this is a fantastic example of someone informally using REBT-style thinking to prevent TMS flare-ups, even if Baseball65 doesn’t label it that way. Let’s walk through the key REBT principles at play:

REBT Principle 1: Identifying the Activating Event (A)
Baseball65 clearly names the triggering events:

• The truck breaking down unexpectedly
  
  
• Missing out on a lucrative job
  
  
• Needing to depend on others (sons) for help
  

These are the external events, which are not inherently distressing—what matters is the interpretation.

REBT Principle 2: Recognizing the Beliefs (B)
He does an excellent job identifying his irrational beliefs and emotional reactions:

• "I must never be dependent on anyone."
  
  
• "I should be the one helping, not needing help."
  
  
• "I can't handle being helped—it's shameful."
  
  
• "I shouldn’t feel jealous of my sons’ competence."
  
  
• "I must be productive and in control."
  

These beliefs carry musts, shoulds, and have-tos, which are exactly what REBT targets. They're often rigid, perfectionistic, or demand-based.

REBT Principle 3: Emotional Consequences (C)
He connects his beliefs to emotions and TMS symptoms:

• Anger
  
  
• Shame
  
  
• Fear
  
  
• Jealousy
  
  
• Guilt
  
  
• Pride struggles
  
  
• Feeling “trapped” or “immobile”
  

He also notes how these emotional patterns correlate with TMS flare-ups.

REBT Principle 4: Disputing Irrational Beliefs (D)
While not written in full ABCD format, Baseball65 is absolutely doing the disputation process:

• He questions his automatic emotional reactions.
  
  
• He writes them out honestly and with insight ("Male issues," "Shame," "Pride").
  
  
• He reflects on them in real time, during triggering events—not just after the fact.
  

This kind of awareness is the core of prevention in both REBT and TMS work.

REBT Principle 5: Effective New Beliefs (E)
Although subtle, he hints at healthier reframes:

• Accepting his sons’ help (even with discomfort)
  
  
• Observing his reactions rather than blindly acting on them
  
  
• Using books and writing as reminders of who he is
  
  
• Recognizing that his emotional landscape is a TMS landmine—not the events themselves
  

That’s the movement toward self-acceptance, flexibility, and realistic beliefs.

In Short:
You're absolutely right—Baseball65 is REBT-ing himself in a grounded, emotionally literate, real-life way. He may not say “Disputation,” but he's challenging his core assumptions, observing his internal rules, and softening into new beliefs.

Would you like help turning this into a template or journal prompt for your own TMS/REBT work?

 

That is why I set up the poll so you can change your vote! I love ALMOST all animals, so I just threw a few of my faves up there.
Sophie's and I's favorite other animal is Horses. We go to the Park down the street and I have to physically restrain her from sneaking under the fence to be with them. They actually come jogging over when her and I approach. They know through CONDITIONING that I always have carrots in my pockets. They see a couple hundred people a day, but can recognize us from 100 yards away...that's pretty sharp!

I used to go to a ranch every summer , xmas and spring vacation. I love the smell and vibe around horses. Even my not-so-attuned mom noticed I was spiritually better after 2 months of shoveling horse shit

"What would you do if You won the lottery?" will be my next poll

-Buy a ranch and have Ponies, a dog park and a Duck pond

 

I never thought about it, but after reading about Ellis I guess that sort of snuck in organically. Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus probably helped too.

One thing that I liked about Ellis is, like Sarno, he thought the existing system wasn't healing anybody and there ought to be a way to finally walk away from the problem...put it in the past, not be a perpetual 'sufferer of _____'

This is why I write really plainly from the vantage point of a 10 year old. State the problem. Notice the trends, not the individual perceptions.
One of the most profound things Sarno said was 'when it seems to come out of nowhere, look close'

Immediate family, partners, work,.... we are amazingly simple. And most of the really pain inducing things are hidden in plain sight. How to see them is the work. I never need the right answer...I need the right question.

 

This is great!

 

@Baseball65 is a fantastic and patient mentor. Just sayin'.

 

I recently saw this advert in a a tube station in the London Underground, and thought you'd like to see it. This coincides with the April 2025 release of Whatever is Rational is Tolerable, a new edition of Stoic philosopher Epictetus’s teachings, published under the Penguin Archives series. Albert Ellis credited Stoic philosophy—especially Epictetus—as a foundational influence on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).