How to practice outcome Independence when low on finances

[browndogisinthehouse]

Outcome Independence says that I should not worry about when I should get better but what am I supposed to do if I have only a few months of financial left and I have to find some way to survive and find work. Thank you for any answers

 

[Northerner]

I'm not familiar with the term outcome independence, but here's a few thoughts:

1) You can't control everything.
2) You can control some things.
3) Trying to tie your mindset and well-being to external outcomes that you can't directly control is tantamount to frustration and rage and anger.
4) You will never have everything in balance. Perfectionists want everything to be perfect, and that is an unreachable standard. My college roommate was able to retire with complete financial independence at age 39 after making countless millions, and now at age 58 has blood clots, takes blood thinners and has to be very careful with what he does. Wealthy but not healthy. Do you have serious health problems, or nagging pain?

My daughter died at 13, my wife had a nervous breakdown triggered by that event the same day, we got hit with a flood a month later, 2 years later I tried to rescue my neighbor from her car before she burned to death, which she did before my eyes despite my efforts, then my wife abandoned me and our two children, then my youngest sister became psychotic last fall and myself and my other sister worked frenetically to both take care of her and keep her out of jail, and now my sister and I are doing our best to take care of our parents from 2 two hours away, one who has early Alzheimers and the other who is being treated for a very aggressive form of cancer. My parents have enough money to live for the rest of their lives, but would you trade that for their ills? I have money problems too, but they pale in comparison to everything I've been through and everyone I have to take care of. I also have some nagging sciatic pain, but it doesn't stop me from doing too much. I'd trade every penny I have to go back 6 years and reverse all of these events (and I would saw off my right arm for 5 minutes with my daughter). This world doesn't work that way, unfortunately.

And then there are those poor Syrians, living under siege every day, as well as people on this planet who go day-to-day worrying about whether they'll have food that day.

You can control some things, like getting out of bed, tying your shoes, and trying your best every day (including , perhaps, doing your best to improve your financial situation, and how you react to any pain that you have).

You can even draw the horror floor, and examine it. Debtors prisons no longer exist. What's the worst that can happen?

My best advice, for what it's worth (and yes, this is kind of a do-as-I-say, not-as-I-do, as I frequently can't get myself into this mindset): please give it your best effort, accept that your best effort is all that you can give (or control), and try to concentrate on what you have.

I wish you the best.

 

[FredAmir]

My hat is off to you Northerner. What a story. What a life. And you are still standing. Amazing.

Browndoginthehouse, to you I would say definitely being grateful no matter what's happening is crucial but also focusing on wealth instead of debt. the more positively you are focused regarding your finances, the more likely you can find solutions, and the more likely positive opportunity come your way.

It's simple but not easy. However, if you do that, rewards can be immense.

 

[music321]

Outcome Independence says that I should not worry about when I should get better but what am I supposed to do if I have only a few months of financial left and I have to find some way to survive and find work. Thank you for any answers

I've thought about this my self, though I have a little more time than you. As a result of TMS, I've moved back in with my parents, and have been here for years. My parents have their own issues, which are serious, that have given me a great deal of internal rage. They are also getting older, and I won't be able to live here forever. Additionally, when I first moved back, my brother was living here. He has problems which were stressing me out. Prior to moving back, I had been living in an apartment with an ex-girlfriend. She no longer wanted me to live with her because of my problems, me being unable to work, etc. If not for my parents, I would have ended up on the street.

I mention this because I've wondered what it would have been like to be homeless. I hope the following doesn't sound patronizing, because as cold as it might seem, it is the only answer. You must open yourself up to ALL options of living, whether they be living in a foreign country, on the street, losing all your possessions, etc. I'm not saying any of this is "OK", or "fine", just that you have to accept the possibility. Going broke might be inevetable, you might not have enough time to heal before you do. However, if there's even a chance of healing, you must rid yourself of the fear of what might be. Accept the worst case scenario. I try to, though I haven't succeeded.

The samurai were so skilled because they were able to focus all of their energy on winning a battle. No energy was wasted thinking about their possible death. They accepted it. By accepting it, they often forestalled it. I tell myself that if I end up homeless in an inner city, or worse, I will do my best to accept it without anger or despair. Others have suffered this fate, and have survived. Furthermore, it's a lot better outcome than MILLIONS have had in this life, such as being kidnapped and forced into slavery.

I'm not saying that you should be a nihilist. I'm saying that you should look at the scenarios for what they are, and don't assign value such as "good" and "bad". This might sound trite and patronizing, but it's the only way through that you have. Best of luck to you (and I mean this).

I think that this movie scene appropriate, though I very much disagree with the attitude expressed regarding God. In the Christian Bible, Jesus is quoted in Luke 17:33 as saying, "Whoever seeks to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

 

[browndogisinthehouse]

Thank you for your responses. Music321 I have already moved to a foreign country 8 years ago because of this reason. I was able to work for some years but then fell sick again 2 years ago and applied for social security but not getting it because I am in a different country. I have moved in with my parents 8 months ago and an bedridden since 7 months. They are frustrated with me and think that I am pretending to be in pain because that is what the doctors in this small town tell them. My mother wants me to get out of her house. But that may be due to her own medical issues. So in order to avoid confrontation I end up most of the time sitting outside the house kind of homeless. I get some Internet access and that is how I am able to post. I am reading some of your sentences over and over again. At least I am getting food I guess I should be grateful for that. Thank you

 

[Everly]

Oh, browndogisinthehouse, that sounds rough. I can sympathize a little bit, I have moved back home to my parents due to TMS as well.. It's been around 10 months.
I started to get significantly better once I stopped freaking out about the current state of my life. Money, goals, future etc. was on my mind constantly. And still is, I try not to emotionally react to these thoughts. I just accept that, yes at the moment I am living home, jobless, but it is ok, it is only temporary.. it helps me I feel, less symptoms, less desperation.

 

[jaumeb]

I am also living with my parents after losing my job/career thanks to TMS. And now I believe TMS hit me because I was lacking spiritual strength.

Good news is that now I know there is nothing wrong with me so I can start taking steps to normalize my life.

 

[jazzrascal]

...applied for social security but not getting it because I am in a different country.

If you're originally from the US, you should be able to get Social Security. I'm an American living in Brazil and have been getting it for years.

 

[browndogisinthehouse]

Thank you. jazzrascal for your response on social security. Are you getting disability social security or the payments which are made after 65 year old. in theory disability social security should be paid even to International US citizens button practice I am finding it very difficult. It has been 2 years since I applied and the file does not move at all and I was told at one time that the delay maybe because of the fact that all the doctors are outside United States and they usually will not believe.

 

[jazzrascal]

I don't have disability, just regular SS. You're entitled to your payments. If you're not getting any satisfaction, you might consider calling a lawyer.

 

[Ines]

I'm so sorry for your circumstances browndoginthehouse. As TMS'ers we seem to worry more about the future than others don't you think? I like to listen to the audio from The Power of Now when I start to think this way.

Every time I listen to it I learn something different. It helps in life so many ways. I hope you listen to it and it helps you in some way.

 

[browndogisinthehouse]

Jazzrascal thank you for your post. The social security attorneys generally do not take up any case outside United States. I don't know the reason why. I asked multiple times but could not get any answer.

Ines thank you for the link to the YouTube video. I listened to part of it. Yes you are right that we tend to get anxious about the future. I had been living on a day to day in fact on an hour to hour basis for the past 4 months. Right now I am in a dilemma of what to do during winter. Winters here are very harsh. In fact, I started getting the symptom when I moved here last December. I spent almost a month inside a room rarely talking to anyone. So now should I continue to live on a day to day basis and not plan for the winter which sets in about 3 months from now. Of course, if I start planning then I realise that being in a bedridden condition I can't do much which leads to anxiety and then I abandon the thought and focus on the present. But then there is a conflicting thought that says that one has to plan at least a little bit into the future. The philosophy has to meet the practical reality in some way and I am not sure how. Inputs appreciated. Maybe there is a simple answer to this but in my muddled circular thinking I am not able to figure it out

 

[FredAmir]

Hi browndogisinthehouse,

That's a challenging situation to be in. I had a client who was bedridden for two years but recovered rapidly and is now working. TMS still shows up in his life from time to time but he knows how to defeat it.

If you like to hear my podcast on Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain, message me privately and I will send it to you as a gift. Hope it helps.