How to handle bad pregnancy advice...any tips?

[MindBodyPT]

Hi all,


So I am relatively recently pregnant (still in first trimester!) and have come to realize how toxic it is for me to listen to people’s weird advice. I think it stems from my TMS experiences with doctors giving me bad advice about back pain and the culture of fear around it…don’t lift anything heavy, don’t carry a heavy purse, don’t twist your back, etc. Obviously this was all totally wrong and I lift weights and do whatever I want now with no back pain!


I’ve had some experiences with people becoming upset when I tell them i’m doing pilates, weight lifting, drinking a little coffee, or something else they feel is “bad” for me and the baby, and this is a big anxiety trigger for me. I am thorough with my research on this stuff, have read up on it and have a good handle on what is ok for me to do! There is such a culture of fear around pregnancy, as there is with TMS related issues…i’m already getting tired of it and I still have a while to go.


Has anyone else dealt with this? I think i’ve offended some people by just saying “thanks for the advice but i’m not going to do things that way.” I can’t be around people who constantly feel the need to do this and have probably upset them (one person in particular this happened with). People can be really aggressive with telling you what they think is right for your body and I find this so tough to handle!

 

[Ewok]

Smile and nod. Thank them for the advice. Don't even tell them you're going to disregard it, then you don't have to debate. Then go ahead and do what you know is right for you.

 

[Ellen]

Yes, what @Ewok said.

 

[MindBodyPT]

Yeah. Mostly been doing just that with people ( haven't told most folks yet) but I'm having a harder time with people I'm close to insisting on things I don't agree with.

I guess this comes up in lots of ways with medical advice...this came up with a close friend who I disagree with and keeps pushing her point and got me upset, it was just to hard to hold in getting angry with her, politeness only goes so far with those you're close to. I know I offended her but feel I have to take care of myself...I guess just feeling guilty for pushing her away.

 

[Ellen]

Yeah. Mostly been doing just that with people ( haven't told most folks yet) but I'm having a harder time with people I'm close to insisting on things I don't agree with.

I guess this comes up in lots of ways with medical advice...this came up with a close friend who I disagree with and keeps pushing her point and got me upset, it was just to hard to hold in getting angry with her, politeness only goes so far with those you're close to. I know I offended her but feel I have to take care of myself...I guess just feeling guilty for pushing her away.

I understand how irritating this can be. What about some statements like "I'll consider it." "I'll look into it." or this should stop most people--"Email me the scientific research that supports it and I'll look at it. As a PT, you know I really like to see the research before I start anything." Most people won't have any to send since it's usually myths.

Oh, and Congratulations on your pregnancy! Don't let anything take away your joy.

 

[MindBodyPT]

Thanks Ellen! That helps I like those responses if i come across this again.

 

[AC45]

Hi @MindBodyPT,

Oh I remember that ... my favorite was a family member who insisted that I should not go out on a boat while pregnant. I wasn't planning to waterski but seated when boating is fine.

It made me really upset too but I did it anyway. It is the people pleasing part of us TMSers that makes it hard to take the criticism. What I want I say is that this is really common and good practice for you.

When the baby comes, you'll get even more advice. Think of it as a good way to practice your TMS skills. "I am not going to people please. I am going to do what is right for me".

Brene Brown says we need to stand in our own truth. This is a perfect example. Follow your research, follow your doctor and, to the rest, smile and nod as @Ewok said.

AC45

 

[scorewrist]

Smile and nod. Thank them for the advice. Don't even tell them you're going to disregard it, then you don't have to debate. Then go ahead and do what you know is right for you.

That's it! I agree with Ewok.