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How to go on

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by karinabrown, Jun 23, 2019.

  1. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    hi all,

    Been away from here a long time
    Read a little from time to time
    Now really need some advice
    Was doing pretty good in
    2017 with the footpain
    and decided to see a therapist because altough i was doing pretty good i realized i needed to go back into life : as in : working and some other stuff i was avoiding.

    Then new life events hit me : plus menopause. I stopped BC pills
    because i thought it was a good time’ for that.. was 50 en thought i was more stable.
    My mother took a fall and became caregiver and besides that heavy family issues rose.
    It resulted a break with my sister.
    Almost with my mother but still see her now. No more caregiving.. she moved and is better now.
    In the middle of the whole family stressors was gettimg heavy menopausal symtomps.
    So a year with huge stress and little sleep. And terrible IBS again
    In the middle of all this was taking care (with husband) of my beloved dog : 14 and blind.

    To come to the real issue now:
    7 weeks ago we had to let him put to sleep and since that day : i have been down hill. Panic atacks .. crying
    and the real scare : tinnitus
    Saw my GP who thinks maybe do to a cold .. and ‘maybe ‘ will leave
    But i know my nervessystem is totallly off balance . And this ear problem is really scarimg me totally.
    I realize i am in grieve : we have no children.. and this dog was my life.
    I was home with him mostly, worked at home for a while. Now nothing
    Miss him, miss taking care of him.
    It is a big lost. Am grieving i know
    But the earringing is so scarry
    How to go about this?
    With my foot i used ‘outcome indepence a lot. .. but this is the opposit.. must avoid and ignore it much as possible is the advice .. and i try.. but it is so hard en in fact :the harder you try the more ..
    Nighttime is the worse ..
    And stuff i read about this is scarry too
    Not yet seen an ENT and hope not to have to go there.. but ?
    My therapist says i had so much stuff in a row, there was no time to process it all, she is right .. but where to go from here..i am so far drifted from the point i started seeing a therapist in the first place

    @Andy B @plum @Time2be
    Other older members !
    Any advice to offer ?

    Last edited: Jun 24, 2019
  2. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Hi Karina,
    So sorry! I don’t have experience with Tinnitus, but my mother has. And she says that ignoring it, is the best way for her to cope with it. In this way it bothers her not. You are grieving and I think you are under much stress. All what happened in your family kind of culminated with the death of your dog. Give yourself some time to relax and do things you like. For me gardening is always relaxing. Nature is a good way of keeping your mind wondering, being responsive to nature. It stimulates the senses. That’s at least how it works for me.

    The sound in your ear can disappear, no doubt! Just accept that you need time to proceed all this that has happend. Just be kind to yourself and give you time.
    Take care!
    Btw: I am in treatment for embedded bladder infection and think it works. But there’s is definitely also stress that matters.
  3. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Time2be,

    Sorry to hear you are dealing with problems too.
    It is so hard to decide when to see stuff as tms en when to start searching medical solutions. I have been that route so long, even the idea gives me new stress.

    Distraction is good advice but hard right now. We are heaving a heatwave and my energy and mood are so low
    Took a short walk early this morning when it was bearable a bit
    For the rest of the day: low profile is adviced for everyone. Must try to stop start to read upsetting stuff and scare myself futher. Heat and menopause and sleepless nights are bad combinations always but now its reallly hard.
    The remark that the earring could leave still is something i want to cling too

    Thank you and hope your bladder stuff will leave soon
  4. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    Karina, I can so relate! I had balance issues with tinnitus for years and it was scary - but it was TMS. Sounds like you got flooded, meaning so much happened that your stress response went on hyperdrive which has been doing the same thing with me. Also been dealing with menopause with a variety of sucky symptoms, stomach issues being the big one, plus the same ole’ pain in my shoulder and arm that tends to move from side to side, a classic TMS sign. But still, after nearly 7 years of doing this work, off and on, I’m still amazed that my brain hasn’t been able to completely stop the TMS cycle. Just know that this is TMS and letting the emotional part heal from the death of your fur-baby is what you need to deal with, just feeling the pain. Give yourself patience and care while you process these emotional events.

    Good luck.
    karinabrown likes this.
  5. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Jules,

    Thank you for taking the time to reply
    Although you mentioned ‘years of the earstuf which is awfull.. but
    understand from your post it left you
    How to approach this one in tms work . I do not know

    Feel your feelings ‘is a thing indeed
    The emotional pain is so bad i can almost get why distraction is created .. but
    at the same time do not get the point
    Because now have emotional pain plus
    this psysical scary shit
    so if my brain wants to protect me its
    making things worse
    I think in tms work’ that still is my
    problem to understand
    Because the psysical stuff does not replace the pain it just ads extra suffering to it ... why???

    Alow myself to feel this pain but not seeing it as dangerous
    is what i got out of Alan Gordons program.. am i right ?
    Processing’ is also a thing .. my therapist said too : but i think i am afraid i am not bussy prossesing but more stuck in being sad
    I would like some sort of trust that
    besides grieving i would feel that i
    would be okay after a amount of time
    People want you to process ‘ in action
    ‘Go on a holiday, get a new dog (hate it)
    seek distraction, all things i feel i am just to tired and sad for.
    Now really drown myself in missery.. maybe that is also not a good way?
    Just do not know.. is there a wrong way or a correct way?. Do i give myself ‘care’ just crying and laying on my couch and do hardly anything? Hoping i will get past it...
    Also menopause makes me more depressed, anxies, nostalgic than i have ever been.. its not for sissy’s is it ?

    Sorry to hear of your stomack problems.
    Arms and shoulder are my problems for years and years too
    Will it ever stop?
    Hope you will find your way in this one too again

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