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How to explain TMS to doubting partner

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Lunarlass66, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. Lunarlass66

    Lunarlass66 Well known member

    I've been on this forum for about a month now and I'm still working on solidifying my full belief in Mindbody Syndrome as the cause of my physical issues. (back pain, foot pain, IBS, hip pain, you name it, I've had it, some symptoms even occurring all at once and of course following very traumatic events.) My question is how to get my boyfriend to at least be willing to keep an open mind with this type of diagnosis. He's kind of matter-of fact in his approach to things, I joke that he's Spock-like in his mind-set. I just feel if he were more on board with it, it would go a long way to dispelling my hesitation in full belief. Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this is their TMS exploration and what they might have done to create a greater understanding, I've tried asking him to read some of the material on the forum and he'll read and then mostly dismiss it. It's tough when you try to go it alone..
  2. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    I had a similar experience, in the end it didn't matter. Don't waste energy trying to convince someone else, just concentrate on yourself. My husband has difficulty getting involved in anything which doesn't effect or interest him personally. The nearest I ever got, when I started to make improvements was him saying "See, I told you it was all just stress". I don't want to make him sound cold, he's not, he's very loving, but I have to acknowledge that it's very difficult for someone who isn't suffering themselves to spend time getting to grips with the TMS concept.

    Ultimately you have to "go it alone" to do the work to heal, but you have all your friends on the forum for support and understanding along the way.

    Go easy on yourself.
  3. Lunarlass66

    Lunarlass66 Well known member

    Thanks so much Mermaid for your kind and helpful advice. My partner (though we aren't married..) have been together for nearly 7 yrs. He grew up one of five in a military family, so I suspect this has much to do with his "shoot from the hip, no nonsense" approach to everything. True, also that he hadn't experienced the kind of suffering TMS (plus anxiety, and depression) imparts upon us. I'm so grateful for finding this site it's been a huge comfort during some of the toughest times in my life..
    Mermaid likes this.
  4. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    If it matters to you, that he be on-board with TMS, the best evidence you can present is your getting better.
    plum, Lunarlass66 and Mermaid like this.
  5. hecate105

    hecate105 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree with the above comments. You have to just get on and do it - the proof is in the pudding! But people do come round....
    My husband was supportive and quite keen to read a bit about it - even started the Structured Educational programme - but after 5 days gave it up and didn't go back to it until almost 3 years later! He'd had a 'frozen' shoulder for a couple of years and despite sessions of Bowen Technique it had not been healed. I bit my tongue and didn't say 'perhaps it is TMS dear!' Eventually he decided to restart the programme and has motored through it - he now wants to talk about TMS every day , it's great to have someone to ponder with. And his 'frozen' shoulder went straight away - no pain since....!
    He is now telling people about it and getting that 'strange glazed look' that i remember getting....
    I now will mention TMS and as soon as someone says 'what is it?' i tell them about the tmswiki site and leave it at that - you can lead a horse to water - but you can't make them read a Sarno book until they are ready!
  6. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great Post! A modern miracle. TMS is not for the faint of heart--especially on Valentine's Day.

    "Pitty me that the heart is slow to learn what the swift mind beholds at every turn."

    Edna St. Vincent Millay, via Dr. Sarno.​
    hecate105 and Lunarlass66 like this.
  7. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've been reading David Hanscom's blog this morning and a recent post discusses the role of the partner/spouse. While it is undoubtedly better if your nearest and dearest are on-board, I don't think they need to be conversant with TMS or mind~body medicine. Let's face it, these are tricky and challenging concepts to understand and were we not suffering we may not have bothered much with them ourselves. The desire to heal is a most powerful motivation. Towards the end of the piece, Hanscom invites us to look more closely at our own behaviours to see where we can make deeply needed changes that not only benefit us but our relationship. It's a thought-provoking post ranging from mirror neurons to resolving conflict, and while it's light on detail the aspects mentioned are all things I have experienced and mostly worked through so it is worth reading for possible insight.

    http://www.backincontrol.com/the-chronic-pain-marriage-go-round/ (The Chronic Pain Marriage-Go-Round – Back in Control)
    mike2014 and Mermaid like this.

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