Hi everyone, I'm just over a month into learning about TMS and doing the reading and SEP and had a question come up today that I hope someone can help me with. What do you do when you feel like you have to face someone that is going to trigger either negative emotions and trigger pain and the fear and worry that comes from that? Let me give a little background about why I ask. I recently got in touch with an old friend who I only spoke to on the phone every now and then over the last few years when I was completely debilitated with pain. Admittedly, I didn't always want to speak to this person because it never seemed like they wanted to understand at all what I was going through. However, when they recently asked if we could get together while they're in town for a few weeks, I agreed. I realize a big part of this has to do with me being the "goodist" and having a hard time saying no to people. I've been feeling lately that I'm really apprehensive about being around this person; especially not now when I'm slowly making some progress. On the other hand, I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to dip my toe into being more social again and doing normal things and I would at least give them a chance to understand what I've been doing or trying to. I lost most of my other "friends" a long time ago when I was completely disabled and I have virtually no family to be supportive. So I often find myself just wanting someone, anyone to converse with lately. In fact, a couple of them also have the tendency to trigger negative emotions/symptoms and been wondering how to handle that as well. I'm now really regretting that decision and kind of beating myself up over initiating contact with them not long ago. We're supposed to get together very soon and in talking with this person on the phone today, I realize that they are essentially the same toxic person that they used to be and they seem to assume that I'm the same person that I was many years ago when I was healthy. ( we were still really young then) I'm not though and I'm fighting very hard lately to find out who I even am ( or going to be) without chronic pain and being on multiple medications ( which I recently quit) I realized that they are most likely are not going to understand everything I've been trying to do over the last month to dig myself out of the very depths of hell I was in. Not to mention the fact that they have no responsibilities or obligations, so once your around them, they want to take up hours and hours of your time. They tend to be selfish and just out for a good time, something I thought might have changed with them but apparently it hasn't. I feel like I'm already being judged by them over the phone , put down and insulted because I'm not sounding like the "fun" person they used to know or think they knew I guess and now I feel obligated to honor our plans and be in this persons company. I also don't like conflict and am pretty sure that if I tell this person our plans are off and why, they'll get highly offended and angry. Like I said, wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt and maybe see if I could just enjoy being in their company but so far they are just making me feel worse in general. I don't even feel like we would have much in common anymore and this doesn't sound like it's even occurred to them. I feel like I'm really early in the recovery process to know how to handle this situation the right way and I'm fearful of backsliding. I'm already feeling pretty anxious about getting together ( especially after that phone call) and Its definitely triggering all of my symptoms the last couple of days ( Pain, anxiety, brain fog). Can anyone give me any advice as to how to handle this situation? Should I honor our plans even though I know a huge part of me doesn't really want to? Or cancel and risk hurting their feelings, causing a confrontation? I feel like either one of these options might effect me negatively somehow.