While doing the structured education program, I have found that as I really tackle some issues head on, I feel that my mind is creating a "blockage". I feel nauseous, cough, and have even heaved. This is a negative aspect of a process that is very positive overall: the feelings lose their power over me, and I gain power over them.
I have a strange symptom, and I don't know if this is a TMS symptom per se, but it's certainly close. As a young child, I was corrected for virtually every behavior. I was told that everything that I was doing was wrong, when it often wasn't. This conditioned me in such a way that concentrating on certain tasks is literally impossible. Some tasks can be concentrated on, but are very unpleasant. I can read for quite a while if I am interested in the topic. Often, though, I find that even then I can't read a topic straight through. I'll read for a few minutes, then do something else, then go back to reading.
To read something that I don't want to is very challenging. While doing the TMS structured program, I was reading one of the recommended readings. Actually, I was supposed to have read the reading yesterday. I only read half of it. At 1:30 am, just before I'm going to go to bed, I decided that I'm not going to put this off another day. I forced myself to read the reading (only a page or two in length) before going to bed. As I was reading, I felt a very powerful compulsion to do other things other than read. I wanted to open up browser windows, get up from my seat, anything. It was hard to make it through complete sentences. Every few words, I'd want to do something else. I forced myself to continue. I told myself that I would do nothing else until I had read the article. The "blockage" feeling returned, as did the nausea and coughing.
One way I think I should deal with this is to try to distance myself from unpleasant mental associations with the experience. I will not think of the "blockage", nausea and coughing as a problem, just an aspect of the phenomenon. I don't know if this will be enough, though. I've forced myself through such tasks my entire life, and yet the problem remains. I don't know how to get through it. As a "real life" example of this, I need to mail something to my insurance company to be reimbursed $50. I had all of the information in one place, and just needed to write a quick letter. Now the info is scattered about. I can't seem to get this simple task done, just because it involves focusing and buckling down. I went to college, and it was very difficult because of this. I'd like to do something productive with my life, but this is a serious impediment. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
I have a strange symptom, and I don't know if this is a TMS symptom per se, but it's certainly close. As a young child, I was corrected for virtually every behavior. I was told that everything that I was doing was wrong, when it often wasn't. This conditioned me in such a way that concentrating on certain tasks is literally impossible. Some tasks can be concentrated on, but are very unpleasant. I can read for quite a while if I am interested in the topic. Often, though, I find that even then I can't read a topic straight through. I'll read for a few minutes, then do something else, then go back to reading.
To read something that I don't want to is very challenging. While doing the TMS structured program, I was reading one of the recommended readings. Actually, I was supposed to have read the reading yesterday. I only read half of it. At 1:30 am, just before I'm going to go to bed, I decided that I'm not going to put this off another day. I forced myself to read the reading (only a page or two in length) before going to bed. As I was reading, I felt a very powerful compulsion to do other things other than read. I wanted to open up browser windows, get up from my seat, anything. It was hard to make it through complete sentences. Every few words, I'd want to do something else. I forced myself to continue. I told myself that I would do nothing else until I had read the article. The "blockage" feeling returned, as did the nausea and coughing.
One way I think I should deal with this is to try to distance myself from unpleasant mental associations with the experience. I will not think of the "blockage", nausea and coughing as a problem, just an aspect of the phenomenon. I don't know if this will be enough, though. I've forced myself through such tasks my entire life, and yet the problem remains. I don't know how to get through it. As a "real life" example of this, I need to mail something to my insurance company to be reimbursed $50. I had all of the information in one place, and just needed to write a quick letter. Now the info is scattered about. I can't seem to get this simple task done, just because it involves focusing and buckling down. I went to college, and it was very difficult because of this. I'd like to do something productive with my life, but this is a serious impediment. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
