How to communicate freely...

[Day-Cee]

Hey everyone, it's me with another question again this one won't ne about pain Though...

I just want to know how you guys are able to communicate freely with everyone else? I'm actually finishing Steve O's book and, I think communication is a problem for me... I rarely say what I really think to people since I'm scared to hurt them or to displease them...

Most of the time when I'm alone, I simulate conversation with others, and I tell them what I really think... But once I'm one on one with somebody, I'm just not able to let the words cme out.. Anybody else feels the same way? Actually, I hate being one on one with someone, probably because this is when you are truly connected with people... I prefer talking with a group, it seems to give me courage I don't know why... Does that mean anything?

Have a good week end guys,

Dom

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Dom. I've found it really rare that I've been able to communicate freely with anyone, even most of my best friends and maybe
with just one relative. I've found that most people prefer what I call superficial communication. They really don't want you to know
what they're thinking or feeling. They prefer to talk about the weather or pop culture or sports.

I never was able to have what I call a meaningful conversation with one of my best friends and his mother said never had one with him either.

I wouldn't spend time or energy worrying about hurting someone's feelings if you try to communicate freely with them. They probably
don't want you to.

But on the other hand, don't worry about hurting or displeasing anyone if you give them "straight talk."
They may not mind because you'll be on their favorite subject: themselves.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Day-Cee,
I think this is a huge issue as a human: to be able to speak our mind, without being rejected for who we are or how we feel. Or rather, it is the fear of rejection that keeps us locked into "not being ourselves." It brings up fear of survival when we were rejected by our caretakers as helpless children.

I think this is a core issue, and is part of the heart of Dr. Sarno's work: how we play games with the outside world about how we actually feel is obviously a reflection of the the way we play "hide and seek" with ourselves on the inside. That is, we constantly fool ourselves about how we really feel. This goes deep.

I like to be as open as possible and defend my right (with my inner critic) to be who I am with others. I think this is a lifetime of work! Being who we are is giving the gift of being alive, and most folks respond to this in a positive way, despite our fears...

Andy B.