Day 9 How It's Going

(For context, the SEP tells people to post about how treatment's going so far on this day.)

It's been going OK so far. I've been doing the work, engaging with the journalling... it's been emotional, and tiring. I'm really sleepy after finishing that last letter to be honest, which I think is another way the body tries to protect us from what's in the mind. But I'm getting through it. I'm struggling to think of a lot of people that I have stressing me tbh, most of my stress is internal and self-directed/societally driven? So might need to adjust some prompts accordingly to fit that.

Symptom-wise, it's been rough. Last night, I suddenly developed new pain/areas of effect with my issue, and they haven't gone even through the night. I panicked about it for a while, fell into cyberchondria Googling again... I managed to pull myself out, eventually, but it was a dark time and I still feel quite afraid. I believe I have emotional work I need to do, and I'm happy to commit to the program where that's concerned, but I still find myself doubting it's TMS, even though:

• It onset in a period of high stress.
• It's only gotten worse in the last 3 or so weeks AFTER I began to fixate on it as it was.
• It got way worse yesterday after an emergency life stressor came up.

There's definitely mindbody involvement here, it's obvious. And stories from people like Dorado, TG957 and Miffybunny incl. symptoms like mine and they all had improvement/cure from mindbody practices... but the seed of doubt is hard to shake. I'm afraid I'll never get better. I hope that I will.