Day 10 How it's going

[sleepyjay]

So todays prompt is making a forum post here, which i absolutely did not want to do so i figured it's exactly what i should be doing

For how i'm doing with the treatment: i think it's going alright? I just discovered massive pressure on myself for suceeding (in literally everything) and being "perfect" while doing todays journaling prompt. I'm still doing this thing where i'm constantly searching for new input about TMS and the work i'm supposed to be doing in case i make a mistake or do the wrong thing. And even though i logically know that this is the exact wrong way to think about this i can't seem to stop.
So even though i don't really question the TMS-diagnosis anymore, i'm questioning my approach to it (for example: i have a feeling that journaling just reinforces me scrutinizing the things that happened and trying to solve them instead of actually feeling my feelings).

 

[JanAtheCPA]

So todays prompt is making a forum post here, which i absolutely did not want to do so i figured it's exactly what i should be doing

Good job with that, @sleepyjay!

I'm still doing this thing where i'm constantly searching for new input about TMS and the work i'm supposed to be doing in case i make a mistake or do the wrong thing. And even though i logically know that this is the exact wrong way to think about this i can't seem to stop.

This IS the mistake you're making - as you already know, right?

i have a feeling that journaling just reinforces me scrutinizing the things that happened and trying to solve them instead of actually feeling my feelings).

Okay, I feel like you're still overthinking this. If you're doing the SEP, you are typically given a topic, or you're choosing one from your lists, right? So, when you sit down to write, are you analyzing and rehearsing what you might put down on the paper, before you actually write it down? Are you editing what you write, and/or are you judging it, and above all, are you making decisions to NOT put down some things?

If this is what is happening, #1: this is totally normal, and #2: you've got to get past that. This is your fearful TMS brain, trying to convince you that you can't be completely honest, because that's too dangerous.

Question: are you able to turn all of that thinking OFF, and just freely write whatever comes into your head at any given moment? What you're really doing is just putting down all the random thoughts that pop into your conscious mind, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE. It's like having a one-way conversation with your brain, just letting it all out. You have to do this without any filters, with no editing allowed, and defininitly no judgement allowed.

This is NOT supposed to be like keeping a formal journal. Dr. Hanscom calls it "expressive writing" and recommends throwing out what you write. Nicole Sachs calls it JournalSpeak, and she also recommends throwing out what you write. I simply call it "writing shit down". I fill up both sides of crappy old notebook paper, and then I throw it away. Mine is unreadable anyway, because I'm scribbling so fast.

 

[sleepyjay]

Okay, I feel like you're still overthinking this. If you're doing the SEP, you are typically given a topic, or you're choosing one from your lists, right? So, when you sit down to write, are you analyzing and rehearsing what you might put down on the paper, before you actually write it down? Are you editing what you write, and/or are you judging it, and above all, are you making decisions to NOT put down some things?

I am definitely still overthinking it! The only thing i do out of the things you mentioned is judging what i write, since i try to start with an emotion but always seem to end in trying to rationalize things or just recounting what happened. So i judge myself for not getting to the emotions.

Question: are you able to turn all of that thinking OFF, and just freely write whatever comes into your head at any given moment? What you're really doing is just putting down all the random thoughts that pop into your conscious mind, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE. It's like having a one-way conversation with your brain, just letting it all out. You have to do this without any filters, with no editing allowed, and defininitly no judgement allowed.

i am writing down all the things coming into my head but all the while i'm thinking that they aren't the right things and that i should feel more emotions. So judgement is definitely a huge problem for me as well as turning the thinking of. Still a bit lost about how to go about doing that but thank you for your reply Jan!

 

[Cactusflower]

Ah! Start with a scinario.
Don’t focus on the I’m supposed to feel x emotion.
Stop attempting to name the emotion. Drop into your body and feel sensations - those sensations ARE the emotion. I think you are trying to think the emotion.
I found adopting curiosity helped. It takes time, you will not always do it.
Everytime you journal you will have different experiences. Don’t force it. Be curious writing. Try to move the pencil faster, use your other hand. Write only a list.. the SEP will guide you through styles that help your brain challenge the overthinking.
Remember simply look for patterns like a join the dots - and acceptance. The acceptance is huge and can help stop the need to fix or problem solve.
You are doing great things!

 

[sleepyjay]

Ah! Start with a scinario.
Don’t focus on the I’m supposed to feel x emotion.
Stop attempting to name the emotion. Drop into your body and feel sensations - those sensations ARE the emotion. I think you are trying to think the emotion.
I found adopting curiosity helped. It takes time, you will not always do it.
Everytime you journal you will have different experiences. Don’t force it. Be curious writing. Try to move the pencil faster, use your other hand. Write only a list.. the SEP will guide you through styles that help your brain challenge the overthinking.
Remember simply look for patterns like a join the dots - and acceptance. The acceptance is huge and can help stop the need to fix or problem solve.
You are doing great things!

Thanks for the reply, cactusflower!
I think one of the biggest hurdles for me really is acceptance, which likely also makes me overthink everything.
But this gave me new courage to keep trying