How is it possible to recover when the anger/rage doesn't go away?

[BloodMoon]

Hi,

I'm wondering how it's possible to recover from TMS when the anger/rage doesn't go away.

I've been journaling and doing other TMS techniques for quite a while now and I'm realising that so many of the things that I've found to be angering/enraging from my past continue to anger/enrage me (every time I am reminded of them) even though I have tried to get them out of my system by allowing and fully feeling my emotions. (I'm reminded of those irksome things by my brain making associations between stuff in the present with events in the past.)

I've read that it might not be necessary to get rid of the anger/rage regarding past experiences to recover, as long as you recognise what's happening and continue to feel your emotions rather than suppressing/repressing them. However, as I have so much in my past that has angered/enraged me - that I'm still feeling the same about despite working on them - the prospect of reliving and feeling the anger/rage over and over and over again is daunting and overwhelming and makes me wonder if I can totally recover.

I've had some success in 'neutralising' (for want of a better word) the anger/rage by taking a leaf out of Basball65's book and aggressively, but safely, feeling and expressing my emotions...but, whilst it feels good at the time, for me it's only worked to quell a few things...

I also read about a technique where you visualize the upsetting/enraging event and feel the associated emotion and then visualize something from the scene of the event that's bland and innocuous, e.g. a piece of furniture...The method, I guess, is to neutralize with a kind of 'overprinting' distraction...and this did work for me with regard to something that I had always felt terribly embarrassed and awful about every time I remembered it...However, yet again this technique has only worked for a couple of things and more in regard to embarrassment and shame.

I'd greatly appreciate any thoughts and experiences regarding this, to include any techniques anyone had used to 'exorcise' anger/rage regarding past and present events without suppressing/repressing them.

Thank you in advance for your comments.

BloodMoon

 

[Baseball65]

Sarno himself in HBP said if the people needed to actually change their lives (e.g. their feelings) his cure rate would be zero. With regards to healing, far and away the most important thing is to realize that those things (and some we have no access to) are what is causing the symptoms.
We are all similar and yet each person has their own "radio station". I have known people who have simply read Sarno, accepted that is what is at the root of their pain and gotten better....and I have known people who have had to make some changes on the dial e.g. stick up for themselves, give somebody an earful,etc. Ultimately only the person with the pain (and the anger) will 'tune in' to what works for them.

My son and I had some words yesterday. During the 'fight' he got all huffy and loud while I remained calm. That is me ACTING calm. I wanted to scream "You spoiled little F++k, I have had to turn down Jobs, record deals and Girlfriends so I could be a good father to you and this is how you treat me?". I know consciously that I am being childish. But I also know from experience and tuning the radio that if I don't let it out somewhere, that 'adult,calm,composed' guy is gonna start having a symptom.

So I wrote about it. I spoke about it with my GF. I prayed about it. I acknowledge that though I am acting like an adult, there is still this zero-sum game fighter in me that wants to be right ,always.... so f-ing right that I would harm my son by cutting him off emotionally and finacially and everything else.

THAN I see how childish and sick that is... and eventually the anger/rage passes

OK...that's present tense. Now we have the guy who painted swastikas on my house when I was 14. I had to go get outside help on that one. I eventually saw that that poor S.O.B. was stupid, lonely,alienated and hurt himself. He didn't know any better. I'd rather be the victim than the perpetrator on stuff like that cause all I have to do is forgive him, where that dude has a lot of bad karma and pain to work out of, if he can even get clear of it in this lifetime. I really do forgive him and hope he awakens. But I know it was wrong and I had a nice good long stew over it before I forgave him... but I went over all that kind of stuff in a detailed 'inventory' process for my whole life

I've written about it before... the 4th step from the 12 step programs works wonders for TMSers.

regardless, your awareness is the key and you seem to be on the right track

 

[BloodMoon]

Thank you, @Baseball65.

Your postings are always so helpfully vivid...

I like the 'tuning the radio' analogy/metaphor - a lot. I'm going to hold that imagine in my mind while I continue to work on things.

Forgiveness isn't something I do easily, so maybe I might need to consider getting some outside help like you did re that swastika guy. And when you said about 'acting calm' during the disagreement with your son, it made me think about how often I pretend to be like that when really I'm seething inside. I think my 'radio' probably needs to be tuned to the 'truth station' more often in order for me to eventually get symptom-free and feeling well.

I'm definitely going to do the 4th step and 'make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself'... You telling me about this has reminded me of the 12 step serenity prayer...
There's something in my life that's going on that I cannot change or get away from as I have no control over it, so somehow I need to accept it, which is easier said than done as my life is much the poorer for it - and this also makes me so ******* angry. As you say though, awareness of the anger/rage is key, so hopefully I'll get there in the end.

Thanks again, Baseball.

 

[JoeHealingTms]

The anger is in the subconscious. If you can think about it, this is conscious anger and you probably are reliving thoughts of what happened and giving them new life. Forgiving is for you, not the perpetrator. You can forgive them without talking to them. The original rage in the subconscious, the inner child, would have to be dealt by relaxation techniques that allow you to go that deep and then try to make the child in you safe, try to accept and then change that memory with a resolution that leaves the child satisfied. Meanwhile, buy a punching bag and gloves and use it every time you get those rage attacks. Many people use exercise for this. Some people run and run, other hit the weights, other hit the bag. Rage when it comes by itself only means there are thought without a resolution. And sometimes is ok to grab a pillow or get inside the car and just scream the rage out. This is a process, and will take time to heal. The fastest there is a solution in your mind, the faster it will cease to bother you.

 

[BloodMoon]

Thank you, @JoeHealingTms.

I believe you hit the nail on the head when you wrote that I need to

try to make the child in you safe, try to accept and then change that memory with a resolution that leaves the child satisfied

There are so many things that pop up all the time in my thoughts that I'm angry and irritated about; it makes going through/tackling all of those things individually feel like a dauntingly monumental task...But I guess I should regularly remind myself that 'a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step'.

I've been using relaxation techniques (e.g. yoga nidra) which feel good in themselves, but I'm not sure they are going deep enough to make a long-term difference to me - not as yet, anyway. I can't run or hit a punch bag, but I have been hitting a pile of pillows with a tennis racket, so I'll do more of that...I'll try your suggestion of screaming - that might leave my inner child better satisfied. I think the latter really is a nub of it - my inner child isn't being satisfied and it's difficult to satisfy it...I'm going to try and think of some additional ways to do this. (I've had an eating disorder since childhood which I can now see was not just me 'stuffing my feelings down' with food, but was also in adulthood was my inner child's way of trying to make me feel better and satisfied.)

Thanks again, Joe.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I think BloodMoon that you are seeing quite a lot in your process, and this is really good news. Your sincerity, commitment, and awareness all support your journey! As we know ourselves better, love will come.

 

[BloodMoon]

I think BloodMoon that you are seeing quite a lot in your process, and this is really good news. Your sincerity, commitment, and awareness all support your journey!

Thank you, @Andy B. That's just what I needed for encouragement as my journey feels so tough atm...a bit like the climbers in your profile picture - it feels like quite an uphill struggle!

 

[JoeHealingTms]

Thank you, @JoeHealingTms.

I believe you hit the nail on the head when you wrote that I need to

There are so many things that pop up all the time in my thoughts that I'm angry and irritated about; it makes going through/tackling all of those things individually feel like a dauntingly monumental task...But I guess I should regularly remind myself that 'a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step'.

I've been using relaxation techniques (e.g. yoga nidra) which feel good in themselves, but I'm not sure they are going deep enough to make a long-term difference to me - not as yet, anyway. I can't run or hit a punch bag, but I have been hitting a pile of pillows with a tennis racket, so I'll do more of that...I'll try your suggestion of screaming - that might leave my inner child better satisfied. I think the latter really is a nub of it - my inner child isn't being satisfied and it's difficult to satisfy it...I'm going to try and think of some additional ways to do this. (I've had an eating disorder since childhood which I can now see was not just me 'stuffing my feelings down' with food, but was also in adulthood was my inner child's way of trying to make me feel better and satisfied.)

The type of relaxation I mean to get to the inner child is getting into the subconscious. Yoga wont do because mostly you are either sitting or doing a pose and still on your conscious. There is a book that helped me a lot with getting to my subconscious that is called " the genie within". If you get it you will learn the functioning of your subconscious and how to get in touch with it. You do not have to " satisfy " the inner child every time , but to address the supressed emotion that happened that first time. That first time that you felt abandoned, or abused or rejected, etc. Sometimes we do not even remember, and when we travel in our mind to that time, details come out that are causing the rage but we simply did not remember. Journaling is great for this too and if you are not journaling you should. Start the programs on the main page if you have not done so. Sometimes playing an instrument or just singing songs that you like can bring out those repressed feeling and once you bring them out and recognize where they come from, you get a lot of relief. Most people with tms are auto suppresive. They defend everything and everyone but themselves. They blame themselves of past situations instead of recognizing that maybe it was not even our fault. This repression need to be done with. And we need to mentally change the perception of things that comes to us. Specially when we start thinking that other people do this or that to hurt us or reject us. Each person is a universe in their mind, and we wont even know why they do what they do, but what we can change is how we perceive it, so things are not bothering and triggering you all the time. Sometimes we need to just chill, others to just say F it, and not pay attention. Our perception of what is around us and how we react to that is what generates feelings. Re-think how you perceive things and look for what other motives could be behind them , and then you can change how you perceive things that normally bother you. We do not have to be so damn perfectionist all the time, we all make mistakes and at the end what heal or ill us is how we make ourselves feel thru our perceptions.

 

[BloodMoon]

You do not have to " satisfy " the inner child every time , but to address the supressed emotion that happened that first time.

That's absolute music to my ears!

There is a book that helped me a lot with getting to my subconscious that is called " the genie within". If you get it you will learn the functioning of your subconscious and how to get in touch with it.

'The Genie Within' is now purchased and on my kindle - thanks very much for the recommendation and for all of your really helpful advice .

 

[BloodMoon]

I've realised that my TMS pain and other symptoms have served to make me virtually housebound and the reason that my brain is doing this to protect me by keeping me away from people as I find it extremely stressful and hard to cope with other people's anti-social behaviour. The binge eating that I did throughout my life (from the age of circa 6/7) was another way of my trying to cope with this, along with the lack of unconditional love/emotional support from my parents. I therefore think that you make a good suggestion when you say the following about changing how I perceive things...

Our perception of what is around us and how we react to that is what generates feelings. Re-think how you perceive things and look for what other motives could be behind them , and then you can change how you perceive things that normally bother you.

Do you have any suggestions for how to achieve a change in perception though? Is there a book or some other material that you could suggest read that might be of some help? I've done CBT, so I know about things like not making assumptions as to people's motives for what they do or blaming myself for their behaviour...and about counterbalancing the 'bad' with looking out for the 'good' things in life, e.g. not taking a good deed or service for granted, being grateful for what I've got in life, appreciating a sunset and being as 'mindful' as possible etc...But it hasn't (so far) actually helped me in any profound way...my TMS is still very much with me.

Also, did you find it necessary to buy the mp3s that the author is selling to go with 'The Genie Within'?