Day 25 How I'm Changing Doing SEP

[Ines]

Hi,

Today's SEP calls for a forum post on how I am doing so far and any apprehensions I may have so here goes..

I'm taking my time doing the SEP. I'm on day 25 but have been at it for a couple of months. The changes in myself I have noticed lately are as follows:

Pain
Overall, my constant migraine pain and sensation is lessening. For over 5 years I have had constant migraine pain and neck pain. I've had constant sensitivity to noise and light. My whole identity, daily activities and every waking thought have revolved around migraine pain. Last week I went 3 straight days with no sensation. Then, it came back for a few days. Then, I went 2 days w/o it. This is a huge improvement. I am so thankful to have come this far. I am still averaging 1 full blown migraine per week. It used to be at least 3.

Anxiety
Way less. Down by at least 95% at this point. I even gained a few pounds which is good. I think just knowing that I am normal and will be ok one day has made it go away.

Fear
I had constant fear before. It mostly revolved around the food I ate because it's well known that certain foods trigger migraines. Naturally, my brain constantly tried to find a pattern between what I ate and my migraines. I had an extremely restricted diet. I basically ate like Whole 30 all the time but even more strict than that. If I strayed I would get anxiety and constantly worry. It's been nice not having to make all my food. I even ate cheese in a salad and was fine. Today I had a cupcake and I'm fine. I'm so happy that I can enjoy food and not worry about every bit of food I put in my mouth.

Exercise
Finally, finally, finally!!!!!! I am exercising regularly. I actually have always loved to exercise. It bummed me out so much that I was not able to. But, every time I did I would notice that in the evening I would get a migraine. Now, magically I don't at all. In fact, I'm starting to crave exercise when I feel that migraine sensation coming on. In fact, it's made it go away a few times. I believe it has something to do with oxygen and blood flow. So go figure! Now, I have even less fear overall.

Personality
Oh personality. This is the last tough one and will be for the rest of my life. I think in the end the SEP will help but right now everything is coming to the surface and I'm a little bit of a crazy person.
First, I don't hold my anger in as much but this has been a change for my family because now I nag and get upset and I'm generally a downer. I've been very depressed and basically calling everyone out on their crap. I want to be alone the majority of the time.
I'm also obsessing which I've never noticed before. I think I had my migraines to obsess over and now since that's gone I'm obsessing over other things like finances, exercise, my looks. All forms of TMS I know but my obsession is shifting.
I still have a hard time letting go and having fun. I'm still pressuring myself way too much. I'm not sure how to make this stop. There is still a lot of work I have to do on my Type T personality before I get better.

Mindfulness
Since incorporating this into my daily life it has helped me tremendously. I mostly pay attention to my breathing and when I stop breathing regularly or have short breaths I try to stop my mind chatter, do positive self talk and slow it down. This has helped my anxiety, pressuring myself and the inner bully.

I have had apprehensions so far. I had a really tough week last week. Basically, like everyone else says when they have pain, they start to get anxiety and doubt everything. But, when you are doing good you keep going along with it.

Well, there you have it. Thanks for reading. Have a great day : )

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Ines. Your self-discovery post is so wonderful. You have already made great progress in learning how to live better and with less pain and headaches.
TMS is a revelation to us all. I wish I had learned about it 80 years ago! I just turned 86 and healed from severe back pain three years ago after learning about TMS from Dr. Sarno's wonderful book, Healing Back Pain.

Have a wonderful weekend and holiday next week. Live in the present and enjoy every day.

 

[Ines]

I'm glad your back healed Walt. Thank you for always reading my posts. I hope you enjoy your weekend as well. : )

 

[epitomeofhealth]

Personality
Oh personality. This is the last tough one and will be for the rest of my life. I think in the end the SEP will help but right now everything is coming to the surface and I'm a little bit of a crazy person.
First, I don't hold my anger in as much but this has been a change for my family because now I nag and get upset and I'm generally a downer. I've been very depressed and basically calling everyone out on their crap. I want to be alone the majority of the time.

Oh man, I DEFINITELY relate to this. I'm a little bit behind you in the SEP, but I've been having the same experience. As I realize how much of a people pleaser I am and how much unconscious resentment I've built up throughout life, especially towards my family, I've suddenly decided setting boundaries is super important, and I think my family is really put off by my sudden intolerance of their crap. Sometimes it gets to me and makes ME wonder if I'm going too far or being unreasonable. But I think that overall this is a great sign! It means we're changing and going through the discomfort of change. It's like a cocoon for a caterpillar. We'll get through it and come out the other side so much more peaceful and loving!

 

[Brandon J]

Personality
Oh personality. This is the last tough one and will be for the rest of my life. I think in the end the SEP will help but right now everything is coming to the surface and I'm a little bit of a crazy person.
First, I don't hold my anger in as much but this has been a change for my family because now I nag and get upset and I'm generally a downer. I've been very depressed and basically calling everyone out on their crap. I want to be alone the majority of the time.
I'm also obsessing which I've never noticed before. I think I had my migraines to obsess over and now since that's gone I'm obsessing over other things like finances, exercise, my looks. All forms of TMS I know but my obsession is shifting.
I still have a hard time letting go and having fun. I'm still pressuring myself way too much. I'm not sure how to make this stop. There is still a lot of work I have to do on my Type T personality before I get better.

Congratulations Ines! I'm on Day Three and found your progress extremely inspiring. I actually just had an experience walking my dog where someone confronted me about taking up too much room in front of my house with my car. He wanted to be able to park 10 feet closer to the 4th of July party he was going to. I cowered and didn't stand up for myself and I am wishing I had, it's my house after all. It's these little things that eat away at us people pleasers. I am looking forward to the day when I wear more of my emotions on the surface. I say be proud of the change!

 

[birdsetfree]

So excited to hear about your successes! Remember outcome independence in relation to your symptoms moving around. You are doing so great!

 

[Brandon J]

So excited to hear about your successes! Remember outcome independence in relation to your symptoms moving around. You are doing so great!

This is something I feel like I need to work on in all aspects of my life, not just with my TMS. Thank you for posting, I hadn't read that post yet!

 

[Ines]

Congratulations Ines! I'm on Day Three and found your progress extremely inspiring. I actually just had an experience walking my dog where someone confronted me about taking up too much room in front of my house with my car. He wanted to be able to park 10 feet closer to the 4th of July party he was going to. I cowered and didn't stand up for myself and I am wishing I had, it's my house after all. It's these little things that eat away at us people pleasers. I am looking forward to the day when I wear more of my emotions on the surface. I say be proud of the change!

I hate when that happens. My initial response is to freeze or just agree and then hours or days later I'm fuming inside.

 

[Ines]

So excited to hear about your successes! Remember outcome independence in relation to your symptoms moving around. You are doing so great!

Thanks for the reminder. I just re-read it.

 

[Ines]

Oh man, I DEFINITELY relate to this. I'm a little bit behind you in the SEP, but I've been having the same experience. As I realize how much of a people pleaser I am and how much unconscious resentment I've built up throughout life, especially towards my family, I've suddenly decided setting boundaries is super important, and I think my family is really put off by my sudden intolerance of their crap. Sometimes it gets to me and makes ME wonder if I'm going too far or being unreasonable. But I think that overall this is a great sign! It means we're changing and going through the discomfort of change. It's like a cocoon for a caterpillar. We'll get through it and come out the other side so much more peaceful and loving!

Right? That's a good way to look at it. Thanks!

 

[Joey7]

I have had apprehensions so far. I had a really tough week last week. Basically, like everyone else says when they have pain, they start to get anxiety and doubt everything. But, when you are doing good you keep going along with it.

I definitely feel you there, today hasn't been so good and it's making me doubt that it is TMS, even though the great progress I made last week made me believe, almost 100%. I'm in quite a bit of pain right now but i'm taking time to journal and look over my triggers.
Glad to hear you're doing well, hope you keep it up.

 

[Gigi]

Wow! Be sure to come back to this post, Ines, if you ever doubt the progress you've made. This is an amazing list!
I also give you a lot of credit for pacing yourself in working the SEP. I craved healing so desperately that for a few days I raced through it, before I realized it'd be more helpful to adopt a more sedate--and sane--pace!