A rhetorical question of course! My healing is almost complete. Now I'm at the hardest step of all... forgiveness. I woke up this morning feeling more refreshed than I have in a long, long time. For several minutes I just laid there, completely pain free! A weight literally felt like it had been lifted from my chest and I was just breathing normally without hesitation or tightness. It was short-lived of course as I gained more consciousness the pain and tightness returned, but this time it really was zig-zagging all over my body... SteveO was right, your pain panics itself when it knows you're onto it. Now back to the hardest step... how does a Perfectionist truly forgive himself? I keep telling myself that it's okay to fail. That to grow means to struggle and to fail. It's not enough to simply say it of course, I have to believe it and mean it. After my experience this morning I'm even more committed to figuring it out. P.S. Inner-self/Shadow-self/Asshole... whatever you prefer to be called, I know you're there now and I will put you in your place for all the crap you've made me go through.