how do you deal with the TOTAL RAGE once you start uncovering it?

[learningmore]

So I'm a good person. I don't get mad at people because getting mad makes for shitty civilization. I hate it when people get mad at me therefore I don't get mad at people because I'm not a hypocrite narcissist.

With that in mind, I'm starting to see that I hold I lot of rage.

A lot.

Essentially, I'm afraid of people who are mad, because they cannot be trusted, controlled, or predicted.

Most people don't know how to think first and then act, thus they become livid and are, in general, bad people.

I am learning that withholding rage is bad for your health.

I have a lot of rage for a lot people. A lot of shitty people I've put up with while damaging my own health in the process expecting them to be reasonable people, but they never did.

I'm fucking pissed.

I'm afraid to let the rage out.

How do you let rage out in a controlled manner?

Of course, I realize that rage is a stupid emotion because it is destruvtive.

I do not know how to let rage out because it is destructive. I do not want to put that energy into the universe even though it feels good.

The fact that I feel good doing something bad (experiencing rage) causes me to feel like a shitty person.

Let me give you an example.

I have had some horrible roommates over the years. Some of the most annoying people you can imagine. Stealing my food, slamming doors all night, loud music constantly, destroying my health in the process. I'm not kidding. These people are part of the reason I have (self diagnosed) C-PTSD. I couldn't sleep because I knew as soon as I fell asleep, they'd start slamming doors or just overall being loud as fuck at nighttime, so I developed sleep anxiety because I couldn't fall asleep because I was afraid of being awakened. But then I would still be a nice roommate to them. Do you think asking them to be quiet worked? FUCK NO. Asking someone to be respectful only works on normal people.

Recently, I did a "rant session" for lack of better term. I was alone, and recording into my phone, and just laying into all my shitty roommates. For hours. Screaming, yelling, telling them why they are shitty people and nasty roommates.

I felt so calm and relaxed afterward. Certain dysphagia which I have had for years was improved when I was done (sounds like textbook TMS TBH). Of course I'm still not convinced it's TMS as I believe it to be structural, but still.

But ultimately, what did I do? I bitched into my phone for a few hours. Did that do anything? No. My (ex)-roommates are still annoying AF people. Sure it was nice to scream at them and get it off my chest but it's like... that was the beginning of a lot of trapped rage.

How do I let rage out without being destructive? I'm trying to surround myself with positive people, I don't wan to be negative.

TBH I've spent years and years being angry and full of cynicism. I was able to be very productive with it, but probably not in the best way. I was able to make people laugh with cynicism, and channel it into writing/blogs/etc but it's coming from a dark place so it's probably not beneficial. Cynicism is basically just mocking stupid people, which isn't kind. So I feel like I was being productive (it was my motivation to do things), but not in a sweet way. It's like making fun of someone to make yourself feel better. Sure, it makes you feel better, but it's harmful to others.

Eventually, this anger went away, however the rage I was keeping inside didn't. When the anger was gone, I didn't know what to do anymore. My efficiency dropped to nothing. To borrow a concept from Tucker Max, whose (new) blog I recently read, (paraphrased) "when the anger was gone, I didn't know what to fill the hole with, and I was empty." He talks about how he went beyond his anger, and since his anger had played such a large role in his life for so long, he didn't know how to handle it NOT being there.

I wasn't angry anymore. I was just... nothing.

I had no motivation.

I wasn't doing anything.

I didn't realize until later I was filling that area with rage at the people I was living with. I literally didn't realize it. But hidden rage doesn't turn into productivity, it just hurts you.

Questions:

1) how do you release rage in a non-damaging way

2) how can anger be productive if that productivity is damaging to part of the audience? I usually targeted it at people I thought were "bad," yet I don't believe this is good, either -- as a goodist, my reason was "I will explain this correctly to people wanting to learn so the scammers don't rip them off or teach them wrong" (For example, I have written a lot on subjects where there is lots of disinformation out there, so I channeled my anger into sharing proper information). But when the anger dried up, my desire to do anything did as well.

 

[hecate105]

Welcome to the club! I too realised I had internalized a lifetime of rage and needed to express it and let it go so it did not make me ill anymore (22 years with chronic fibromyalgia!!)
I tried different books - and beat my mattress with a tennis bat, a pillow with my fists, I tried screaming...... none of it worked.... then I found a book (I have forgotten the guys name - annoyingly! - and passed the book on) by a US author - it had a program in it - you filled in a questionnaire and then it gave you ways to deal with your repressed emotions. For my anger he suggested going into a meditative state (bear with me - I thought it would be useless at first!) and then recalling every time I had experienced anger - to recall it and then re-run the memory but this time reacting with great anger.... in the meditation you could punch the person and really express you anger in ways you would not do in real physical life. You had to start with your earliest memories - so at first I was angry at my parents - and processed all that - which at first was really hard. Even in a meditation - afterwards I felt quite odd/guilty to have expressed my anger in such a way - but it gradually worked... I went on doing about 3-4 episodes of anger in each meditation - and only one meditation a day. It was really tiring - but it started to dissolve the anger... It took me 6 months of doing this every day to process a lifetime of anger (I was 47 yrs old - so there was quite a lot!) I still occasionally recall an episode that I haven't dealt with - so I do another meditation. The important thing is to sit quietly and go into a meditative state - you need to be in that state to do the anger work. Then afterwards you need to ensure you have dealt with it and thoroughly come out of your meditative state.... I am quite practised at meditation - so managed it fine. If you are a beginner or have not meditated before - I would urge you to find a practitioner who would go through the process with you - to ensure you are doing it right.
You are right that you cannot direct your anger at people in real life - we have to find alternative ways to express ourselves so that we do not harm others - or ourselves....
Since then - I watch what triggers me - when i deal with relatives that sometimes 'push' me into things - I try and not agree to anything - until i have had a good chance to consider it - without them present!! I am not pushed into situations then which will make me angry or resentful.... I have a right to say 'no' if i want!!!
I tried to find the book title/author - as i know I quoted it in a list of good books somewhere on this forum - but alas i cannot find it! But I did find the post below - if you copy it into the search facility - he is a good 'explainer' of how our anger affects us...
I hope you find a way to safely process your emotions - it will help no end, good luck !


Dr. Hanscom's Blog Your Book is Bullshit – The Encompassing Power of Anger

 

[learningmore]

I read your post. I feel like acting out anger fantasies in meditation would make you more likely to do it in real life, and would promote negative energy.

And what if it's the same thing over and over again? For example, my parents do annoying shit regularly, the same thing over and over. Can I do it as one general thing? I don't have a list of things that pissed me off.

Example: my narcissist mom loves to pee with the door open. This is disgusting as fuck, not only because it's gross, and a disregarding of boundaries, but because she's smug about it. If I were to meditate and imagine running in there and knocking her against the wall, a) I have to imagine being in the bathroom when my mom is peeing, which is gross, and b) I feel like that's normalizing such a response. Like I do this enough and my subconscious might think it's ok to do so IRL. Furthermore, even in meditation, I'd have to deal with the guilt of hitting my mother which sounds fucked up.

I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE WRONG, I'M SAYING I DON'T FIGURE HOW THIS COULD BE HEALTHY RATHER THAN PROMOTING AND REWARDING VIOLENCE.

I've been meditating for years. I quit a few years ago because I thought it was decreasing my desire to do anything. It lessened my anger. And when my anger vanished I had no desire to do anything anymore. Work seemed pointless. Capitalism seemed pointless. Nothing that I used to think I wanted I wanted anymore. I used to want a big house, now I don't care. etc. etc. I became obsessed with niceness and benefiting others, which was probably just a hypervigilance of my codependency. I became angry with people who don't act this way, who are selfish and annoying, especially those who do it on purpose. Tons and tons and tons of rage, kept within.

 

[crashkahuna]

Interesting thread. I also would like to learn more about repressed anger. Dr Sarno I think talked about this as the prime mover of TMS. In the current discussions and in the Curable app the focus so far seems to be focused on fear. But I would give anger it's own category and discussion. Anyway I am hoping this is talked about more.

 

[Cactusflower]

Dr Hanscom’s book Back In Control and his blog are very centered around anger and rage as he himself experienced this as do many of his clients. He finds it stands in the way of acceptance of TMS as a cause of pain. His recommendation to release anger is to journal about it and feel the seething anger in your body. Later on, when you feel a bit better, exercise can be an amazing way of letting it go. Kick or hit a ball, punch a punching bag, lift something heavy, run or even challenge yourself with yoga poses. I like to walk.
I also found this article on anger and chronic pain which is very good. Although journaling isn’t mentioned there are a few lists here which would make terrific catalysts for journaling or deep thought topics.
How to Shift from Anger to Forgiveness and Gain Pain Relief
By Dr. James https://mhnpc.com/2020/12/29/shift-from-anger-to-forgiveness/ (How to Shift from Anger to Forgiveness)