I deeply resent my mother. She is making my life a living hell. I have not come out to her as gay. My brother introduced his new girlfriend to her this week. She has been raging all weekend about that girl. That she only wants to use my brother. That she is an opportunist. That my brother's trying to get rid of her (mother) and isn't thanking her enough for all the things she's done for him. He's older and lives away from home. I am currently home on a break from Uni. She started raving about traditional family values, and how disgraceful it was that my brother and his gf were obviously sharing a bed in his flat when she stayed over. How we should only get together with someone "worthy". How it should be normal and moral and right, and that we should introduce our partners to her properly. (So she can decided whether they are suited?!!!) I cannot come out. My stomach flipped when she said that and I felt such a deep sadness well up within me. I am between a rock and a hard place. I want to come out, come clean. I believe it'd help with some part of the repressed emotions. It would be a sign of acceptance of MYSELF: On the other hand. It's going to be tough. My mother's already saying we are stressing her too much, that she's hypertensive and she says she might get a stroke or heart attack. Her general constitution wouldn't speak against that (overweight, heart problems in family, high blood pressure...) She's always done that. I crave my mother's affection, yet, I really want her out of my affairs sometimes. She is an aggressive person (screaming, shouting, throwing fits, a slap here and there) and I am not sure how to handle my relationship with her. I am a failure for her. She always wanted a girl, and was disappointed when her first kid turned out to be a boy (My brother). She bought me dresses I detested. She wanted me to join the church, have a family, kids. I turned out wrong. I seldom wear dresses, I am gay, I went into science for a careeer (which she's sceptical about), don't believe in her superstitions, I probably won't have kids of my own. If she's reacting THIS badly to a girlfriend of my brother's - normal, heterosexual, right - what will she do about a girlfriend I bring home one day? Scratch that. She forbade us to bring home any kind of partners at all. She assumes boys, for me, of course. What will she do if she finds out? Kick me out of her life? Will it cause her any physical damage? Will the news kill my mother - will I kill my mother? I really wanted to help her. I know she has got issues that stem from her own troubled family life, and I can sympathize with that, I do. I try to be understanding. I try to make her see reason where her opinions are dangerously flawed. She drinks too much, but then she just gets physical and aggressive so I stop. She's a bit OCD and is always calling me to make sure I got home "right". When I am out with friends, she gets stressed. I feel like I am responsible for her bad health. I am not sure what my father would say, if he'd still support me. He's always been happy as long as I achieved great things in school and now uni. But I don't know his stance on my personal love life. I know he's against gays...but.. maybe he can see past that because I am his daughter? I am really scared and angry and sad. I can feel my symptoms flare up right now. Anxiety is rearing its ugly head. I don't know. I can't seem to be able to see past the next few days. I can't look forward to anything. I worry, all the time.