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How do you deal with abusers and bullies outside of your head?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by camera, Dec 17, 2014.

  1. camera

    camera Peer Supporter

    I know we're supposed to stand up to the bully in our heads, but what are we supposed to do about other people who bully or emotionally abuse us?

    Examples:

    People who accuse you of or imply that you are lazy, selfish, whiny or spoiled or who push you to work harder when you're out of resources.

    People who make untrue assumptions about you but keep pushing their beliefs if you try to defend yourself.

    People who make you feel inadequate by making a big fuss of any flaws that they perceive in you (physical traits, character traits, life experiences...)

    People who diss or scoff at you taste in music, clothes, entertainment or anything else.

    People who make fun of you to others in a condescending way (making fun of how inferior or flawed you are).

    People who constantly lie or one-up you.

    People who are jealous of anything you have that they don't, possibly making you feel guilty, spoiled, or unworthy of what you have.

    People who read into things you say or who accuse you of having malicious intentions but keep pushing their beliefs when you try to defend yourself.
     
  2. Ryan

    Ryan Well known member

    Create your own happiness do not let others dictate your life and how you should feel. People are going to like you and hate you, it's part of life. You have to let go of the people that are mean to you and ignore them, don't let them control your feelings. Maybe journal about people who have hurt you but in the end forgiveness is the key. It's ok to be angry and mad at people but holding onto to anger can hurt you.

    Ryan
     
    lorrie, Ellen and Anne Walker like this.
  3. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sounds like you work in an "office"?
     
    Ellen and Anne Walker like this.
  4. camera

    camera Peer Supporter

    I don't know why, but I have trouble doing that. I internalize the things other people try to tell me about myself. Maybe it's because I have a lack of identity and low self-confidence? I can't explain it. I'd love to just be able to say to myself, "They're wrong. I'll love myself anyway even if no one else does. I'll be friends with them but brush off their insults." But I have trouble doing that. Maybe it's because I have a hard time convincing myself that there's anything good about me, let alone that I'm not inferior, powerless, and disgusting, trivial, and lacking any sort of identity or importance. I also have a hard time convincing myself that not everyone perceives me the same way that the bullies do. I'm still trying to find my place in the world, and it feels completely hopeless when I think that others must look down on me. Also, I personally feel unsafe when I'm around people who are always playing games with me, treat me as an enemy or competitor and have no respect for my life.

    I try journaling but it only makes me feel more frustrated and depressed. I do have a lot of anger towards bullies partly because I was bullied so much as a kid. I can't stand to see other people get bullied either.

    Most of the people I know who are like this are members of my family and my partner's family. Some of them are people I've had to be friends with. Although I have dealt with office bullies as well.
     

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